Tag Archives: Edward Wozniak

BALLADEER’S BLOG’S PRESIDENTIAL PROS AND CONS

Fun Fact: Barbara Bush patterned her “look” after Millard Fillmore

In honor of the President’s Day Holiday weekend Independent Voter site Balladeer’s Blog will present some of my quick takes on each of the 44 men who have stayed one step ahead of the law while occupying the office.

1. GEORGE WASHINGTON – Motto – “Screw taking a salary, just bill ’em outrageously for your expenses!”  *** Nickname: The First Lady of Broadway *** Pro: Established the precedent of stepping down after 2 terms max.  Con: Owned other human beings.

2. JOHN ADAMS – Motto – ” A day without alienating someone is like a day without sunshine.” *** Nickname: Boom-Boom *** Pro: Was almost fanatically honest.  Con: Alienated nearly everyone except his wife Abigail.

3. THOMAS JEFFERSON – Motto: ” What’s with that painting where I look like Bea Arthur?” *** Nickname: The Pompous Hypocrite *** Pro:  Continue reading

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FORGOTTEN TELEVISION: SHADOW THEATER (1990-1991)

 Shadow Theater was a terrific series hosted by Robert “Freddy Krueger” Englund. Everyone over the age of 30 remembers a time when you couldn’t just go to the internet to get your fix of info and footage from fringe and/ or obscure horror films. This program was a nice once-a- week documentary look at movies for the Psychotronic- minded.

An additional plus about the show was the way it treated viewers to behind-the- scenes facts and rare interviews with some of horror’s most daring filmmakers without having to attend a fan convention. (It’s a joke! Lighten up!)

Robert Englund displayed the same macabre charm he would employ when hosting the Horror Movie Hall of Fame ceremonies later in the decade. He didn’t copy his patented Freddy routine, but rather Continue reading

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END OF THE WORLD MYTH: THE BROTHERS AND SISTERS OF RED DEATH

 If you actually believe that we never landed on the moon and that the 9-11 attacks were staged by the U.S. government then you probably also believe that the world will end this coming December 21st. Balladeer’s Blog has been examining some of the previous end of the world scares in history.

November 13th, 1900 – This date was the predicted end of the world according to the Brothers and Sisters of Red Death. This group was a very odd religious cult that Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE PAGE: THE BODY SHOP (1973)

 THE BODY SHOP (1973) – Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following

The Body Shop is one of my all-time favorite bad movie gems. It includes all the little extras that separate mere bombs from the truly legendary turkeys and, like another neglected classic, The Wizard of Mars (see my Bad Movie page for the review), just keeps getting worse and Continue reading

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END OF THE WORLD MYTH: WILLIAM WHISTON

 If you believe we never landed on the moon and that the 9-11 attacks were staged by the U.S. government you probably also believe that the world will end this December 21st. Balladeer’s Blog has been examining past “end of the world” scares, and will continue to do so through at least December 22nd, 2012.

William Whiston, a British mathematician, grandly announced that according to his calculations the world would end on October 13th, 1736. He further stated that the opening act for this cosmic drama would be the destruction of London by a flood early on that same date.

Because no matter what the century, there’s never any shortage of people willing to be suckered in by the latest predictions of global doom, countless numbers of Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE PAGE: DRIVE-IN MASSACRE (1976)

 DRIVE-IN MASSACRE (1976) – Category: Gimmick movie worth watching once, but never again     

This movie has that certain charm to it that most low-budget 70’s horror films possess. When watching Drive-In Massacre you can’t help but reflect on the fact that the talent of John Carpenter is the only thing separating his milestone film Halloween from the many other 1970’s slice and dice films like this one. 

The plot of Drive-In Massacre involves a Continue reading

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COLLEGE BASKETBALL POLLS: JANUARY 17TH

 Yesterday Balladeer’s Blog looked at the polls for NAIA college basketball as well as NCAA Division 3. The NJCAA and D2 polls come out a day later, so that’s why the split days. The KWC Panthers, the only undefeated team in the D2 poll, remain at number one.  

NCAA Division 2 –   1. Kentucky Wesleyan Panthers     2. Bellarmine Knights (defending champs)     3. West Liberty Hilltoppers     4. Metro State Roadrunners     5. Tarleton State Texans     6. Lincoln Memorial Railsplitters (love that name)     7. Southern Indiana Screaming Eagles     8. Winona State Warriors  

NJCAA D1-  1. Indian Hills- Ottumwa Warriors     2. South Plains College Texans     3. Coffeyville Red Ravens (love that name)     4. Continue reading

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THE MAN WITHOUT A BODY (1957)

I just added an entry for the deliriously bad movie The Man Without A Body. You would not believe the idiotic premise behind this flick. Plus while I was in the mood I added my review of Death Bed. Entries are in alphabetical order. Click here: https://glitternight.com/bad-movies/

THE MAN WITHOUT A BODY – (1957) – Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following      Trying to follow the layer after layer of distorted logic in this film could drive you nuts. Taking the story from the top, we have THE George Coulouris (Mr Thatcher in Citizen Kane) playing a megalomaniacal 1950′s tycoon named Karl Brussard. Brussard has a brain tumor, which the movie very tastefully lets us know by the way he constantly thinks he hears phones ringing. Seriously. He’s always grabbing the phone  receiver and then slamming it down when there’s nobody on the line.

After his tumor is diagnosed, our tycoon, desperate to prolong his life, goes to a mad scientist, played by Robert Hutton from The Hideous Sun Demon. Hutton’s plan is to transplant a healthy brain into Brussard’s head to replace his ailing one.

Now, in a movie operating within any framework of logic (suspension of disbelief notwithstanding) that would mean we’d have the brain and mind of the donor  controlling Brussard’s body, while all that was Brussard would still die when his brain does. Not so here! In this movie’s demented universe the brain would still have Brussard’s mind just because it is operating within Brussard’s body. (?!) Using this line of thinking, if you put Keith Olbermann’s brain into Rush Limbaugh’s body that body would still act like Rush Limbaugh, just because that’s the body housing it. (Obviously this is just a hypothetical since neither  Olbermann nor Limbaugh has a brain)

Okay, that’s just the first step into this film’s twisted mindset. Even if you buy into the preceding nonsense get ready for another curveball. Brussard decides the perfect brain donor would be none other than … Nostradamus. That’s right, not Criswell, who was at least still alive in the 1950s, but Nostra -freaking -damus! Why Brussard thinks any dead brain would work is beyond me, let alone one which would have decomposed centuries ago, along with the rest of the body.

Anyway, the ridiculous notion that Nostradamus’ long-dead body is as well-preserved as a freshly-dead corpse is proven correct in this deranged film, so Brussard hires a shady ex-doctor to travel to France, break into Nostradamus’ tomb and return with the dead man’s detached head.

This is accomplished and our mad scientist brings the head back to life. The head sits on the lab  table  allowing the revived Nostradamus to talk with our lead characters, looking like some kind of kitschy Nostradamus desktop-intercom. Our mad scientist now contradicts some of his earlier gibberish with new gibberish, claiming the donor brain will need convinced that it is really Brussard before it can be transplanted into his body.

This is attempted via the very scientific method of Brussard repeatedly telling the disembodied head that it is really Brussard while the head keeps asserting that it is really Nostradamus in a kind of ridiculous “Am not!” “Are, too!” type of exchange. Nostradamus shrewdly convinces Brussard to postpone  the transplantation since our revived seer’s powers of prognostication will tell him how the stock market will go, making Brussard even richer if he follows “Nostra’s” advice. 

Yes, the only reason the filmmakers have the reluctant brain donor be Nostradamus is to set up a double-cross so obvious even Jim Varney’s Ernest character would have seen it coming from a mile away!

Brussard is financially ruined, prompting him to shoot the disembodied head that led him astray and in the resulting illogical cast reactions that follow, Hutton’s mad scientist creates a monster from Nostra’s head and the body of the tycoon’s chauffer, Lou (who was being tempted into a dalliance by Brussard’s mistress Odette). The resultant monstrosity looks like the Mexican horror character the Brainiac with a plaster tv set on its head.

Other bits of fun in this neglected classic are the giant, moving eyeball on the wall of the mad scientist’s lab, the living, disembodied monkey heads on the table in that lab, the tycoon’s hammy femme fatale mistress, an actual line in the credits that says “Continuity by ‘Splinters’ Deason” (insert your own joke here) and the fact that the director was W Lee Wilder, the brother of the one and only Billy Wilder! (Take that, nature vs nurture!)

By the way, I don’t know what was up with bad movies and Nostradamus. There was also a Mexican serial in which a descendant of the alleged prophet came back to life as a vampire who needed to be hunted down and destroyed, Dracula-style.

© Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog, 2010. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. 

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LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES ARE ALL JUDGEMENTAL FOOLS

"Under Obamacare I want YOUR take-home pay to be reduced to the point where you have trouble making ends meet!"

“Under Obamacare I want YOUR take-home pay to be reduced to the point where you have trouble making ends meet!”

One thing that is incredibly hilarious about Liberals and Conservatives is the way in which they are all THE EXACT SAME TYPE OF JACKASSES!

Liberals like to pretend they are “non-judgemental people” but anyone who has ever spent 15 minutes or more around Liberals knows they are AT LEAST as judgemental as the worst Conservative religious fanatics. American Liberals are pretentious asses who think they are Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE: THE CONFESSIONAL (1976)

ConfessionalTHE CONFESSIONAL (1976) – Category: The 70′s version of camp, with a premise and plot elements that would have been banned in previous decades              This outrageous and over-the-top tale from the cinematic netherworld is about a crazed, mass-murdering priest. When he listens to his parishioners confessing their sins to him in the confessional booth he decides some of them are so evil they deserve to die for their sins. 

Our protagonist commits his murders by strangling people with Rosaries, by Continue reading

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