November 6, 2012 · 12:17 am

LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES AND “THE CANDIDATE” (1973)

The Candidate

The Candidate

Welcome back to Balladeer’s Blog, the favorite site of Independent Voters and the only site on the web that truly criticizes both sides of the political spectrum equally. Well, it’s finally election day, which means the Liberal and Conservative fanatics of the Democratic and Republican parties are preparing their accusations of voter fraud and/or “intimidation” just in case their candidates lose. 

Will the weak, inept and crooked little man named Barack Obama get reelected or will the outdated, out of touch religious nut named Mitt Romney win out? Either way we the people lose.

For a light-hearted look at how Liberal gibberish and Conservative gibberish have completely ossified political discourse in this country I figured I would trot out the 1972 Robert Redford film The Candidate. That film was a look at a fictional candidate for one of Continue reading →

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November 4, 2012 · 2:57 pm

NOTEWORTHY COLLEGE FOOTBALL RESULTS FROM NOVEMBER 3RD, 2012

NUMBER ONE TAKES A FALL – The NAIA’s 5th ranked defending champions, the SAINT XAVIER UNIVERSITY COUGARS (helmet at left), hosted the number 1 MARIAN UNIVERSITY KNIGHTS, the only team to defeat them in last year’s regular season. Mike Feminis’ Cougars already avenged that loss by defeating Marian in the 2011 playoffs, but all that background tension and drama added to the anticipation of yesterday’s matchup between these two gridiron titans. SXU continued their magnificent defense of their crown with an authoritative 23-6 victory over the Knights, setting up a new number 1 in the next poll.

LIONS MAUL GORILLAS – The LINDENWOOD LIONS piled on the reeling PITTSBURG (KS) STATE GORILLAS, the defending champs of NCAA Division 2 football. The Gorillas were not only the defending champs but were also ranked number 1 in the polls before suffering a series of losses that knocked them down and down and down in the rankings. Lindenwood added to their troubles yesterday by handing PSU a 44-33 loss in their own house.

PLAYOFFS? YOU’RE TALKING PLAYOFFS? ARE YOU SERIOUS? – The NJCAA started its postseason with playoff games yesterday and today. Balladeer’s Blog will devote an entire section further down in this article about all the postseason results from Saturday and this afternoon. The HUTCHINSON COLLEGE BLUE DRAGONS (helmet at left) are hosting the COFFEYVILLE RED RAVENS in one of the Region 6 games today, with the GARDEN CITY COLLEGE BRONCBUSTERS traveling to face the storied BUTLER (KS) GRIZZLIES in the other Region 6 game of the afternoon.

TOP 25 UPSETS – NAIA – The number 11 SAINT AMBROSE UNIVERSITY FIGHTING BEES took it on the road and toppled the 10th ranked WILLIAM PENN UNIVERSITY STATESMEN in a 20-17 Instant Classic. This continued the late season pain for Statesmen fans who have come to dread the inevitable November stumble from their team.   ###   The ROCKY MOUNTAIN COLLEGE BATTLIN’ BEARS added to what is already a nightmarish season for the 16th ranked CC FIGHTING SAINTS, the most storied dynasty in NAIA football. RMC handed the Fighting Saints their FOURTH loss of the season (more games than CC usually loses in 2 or 3 years combined) with a nailbiting 31-28 homestand.   ###   The VALLEY CITY STATE VIKINGS edged the number 22 ROBERT MORRIS (IL) EAGLES in a 21-20 epic.   ###   … And the 23rd ranked KANSAS WESLEYAN COYOTES fell at Continue reading →

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November 3, 2012 · 5:41 pm

COOL FOOTBALL HELMET: GARDEN CITY COLLEGE

GARDEN CITY BRONCBUSTERS

Location: Garden City, KS

Division: NJCAA

Conference Affiliation: Jayhawk Conference

Comment: They’re the Broncbusters, not the Bronc -O- Busters, so that’s not a typo. In honor of the NJCAA postseason getting underway today and tomorrow here’s a Continue reading →

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November 2, 2012 · 11:44 pm

THE TOP DEITIES IN AMERICAN LIBERAL MYTHOLOGY

Welcome back to Balladeer’s Blog, the only site on the web that equally criticizes Liberals and Conservatives. This post will be a hybrid of my mythology posts and my pokes at American political zealots. My list of Conservative deities will be coming next. In the meantime enjoy this irreverent look at the icons adored by the hilariously pretentious asses of American Liberalism. Naturally part of the fun comes from the fact that pompous Liberals always like to criticize figures that other people revere but fall to pieces and froth at the mouth with impotent outrage whenever figures THEY hold dear are regarded with the same critical eye. 

Not pictured – a Liberal

9. JOHN F KENNEDY  – Despite what 21st Century American Liberals think John F Kennedy was not a Liberal. His brother Ted certainly was, but JFK, as revealed in books like Conversations With Kennedy, regarded Liberals as hopelessly impractical and humored them only to the degree that he had to to ensure enough party cooperation when dealing with Congress. Even Tip O’Neil, in his autobiography Man of the House maintained that Jack Kennedy was Continue reading →

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October 31, 2012 · 12:45 am

ELEVEN MORE NEGLECTED BAD MOVIES FOR HALLOWEEN

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Regular readers of Balladeer’s Blog are very familiar with my Bad Movie page where I examine plenty of under the radar movies that are hilariously awful. Last Halloween season I ran a list of the top Eleven Neglected Bad Movie Classics for Halloween. That tradition continues this year with a list of eleven more neglected bombs. As with last year’s list my Bad Movie page features full-length reviews of each of the movies I’m offering a synopsis of here.

THE RETURN OF DR X (1939) – The notorious film in which the legendary Humphrey Bogart played a zombified mad scientist named Dr Xavier who was brought back from the dead by another mad scientist named Dr Flegg. Much of the fun comes from Bogie’s unmistakable disdain for finding himself in the kind of stinker that Bela Lugosi often waded through. Bogie’s Dr X kills bunny rabbits, surgically drains blood from the hearts of living humans and experiments on babies in a movie desperately searching for a decent script and a likeable character.

DIAL HELP (1988) – Believe it or not Ruggiero Deodato directed this ridiculous horror film. A plucky heroine who has just been dumped by her boyfriend finds herself being haunted by … living phones. No I’m not kidding. These phones kill by strangling people with their cords, using high-pitched noises to Continue reading →

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October 30, 2012 · 8:59 pm

BALLADEER’S BLOG’S COLLEGE FOOTBALL RANKINGS: OCTOBER 30TH, 2012

NAIA (National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics) – 1. GEORGETOWN (KY) TIGERS    ###    2. MARIAN UNIVERSITY KNIGHTS    ###    3. MISSOURI VALLEY COLLEGE VIKINGS    ###    4. SAINT XAVIER UNIVERSITY COUGARS (defending champions)    ###    5. MORNINGSIDE MUSTANGS    ###    6. MONTANA TECH OREDIGGERS (helmet at left) 

NCCAA (National Christian College Athletic Association) – 1. NORTHWESTERN COLLEGE EAGLES    ###    2. GREENVILLE COLLEGE PANTHERS (2011 Victory Bowl runners- up – helmet at left)    ###    3. KENTUCKY CHRISTIAN UNIVERSITY KNIGHTS    ###    4. MCMURRY WARHAWKS    ###    5. CHOWAN HAWKS    ###    6. SOUTHWEST ASSEMBLIES OF GOD UNIVERSITY LIONS

NCAA DIVISION 2 – 1. COLORADO STATE UNIVERSITY AT PUEBLO THUNDER WOLVES    ###    2. NORTHWEST MISSOURI BEARCATS    ###    3. MINNESOTA STATE UNIVERSITY MAVERICKS (helmet at left)    ###    4. Continue reading →

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October 29, 2012 · 8:34 pm

AMERICA’S 1879 MUMMY STORY: THE SQUAW HOLLOW SENSATION

Aztec Mummy

Happy Halloween from Balladeer’s Blog! Recently I reviewed the neglected 1890s horror stories The King in Yellow and The Great God Pan, two excellent pieces of Halloween reading. This time around I’ll examine The Squaw Hollow Sensation, originally published in serialized form in the California newspaper The Mountain Democrat from May 31st to July 26th, 1879. The story was set in Squaw Hollow, California, near Placerville in present-day El Dorado County. In fact the El Dorado County Historical Museum was how I obtained my copy of the story for this review.

THE SQUAW HOLLOW SENSATION

Our main character is Berlin’s Doctor Loerder Von Herbst, a man trying to prove that ancient Egyptians migrated across the Atlantic Ocean and that the Aztecs were really a colony of Egypt. His studies have led him throughout the American West, northern Mexico and part of California, wherever he believes the legendary region of ancient Aztlan to have been. Von Herbst theorizes  that the preserved figures called Aztec Mummies are not corpses but rather living beings who were put into a centuries-long sleep and can be revived.

The good doctor has created a special chemical solution that in experiments has restored body parts from dissected corpses to a condition resembling living tissue. He believes he can use this chemical solution as part of a procedure to bring an Aztec Mummy back to life. Ancient papyri refer to “Heaven’s fire” and Dr Von Herbst is convinced that means lightning and so he plans to use electricity generated from a Daniell’s Battery to aid in the resuscitation process.

With the aid of various assistants the doctor investigates an Aztec tomb uncovered by mining operations. Inside that subterranean tomb are 50 mummified Aztec bodies that are over a thousand years old. With this bonanza on his hands Doctor Von Herbst sets up a laboratory in the massive burial structure and Continue reading →

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October 29, 2012 · 12:01 am

THE BEST SILENT HORROR FILMS: PART THREE (1916 – 1928)

Crimson Stain Mystery

Crimson Stain Mystery

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Here is the 3rd and final part of Balladeer’s Blog’s examination of the best silent horror films, from short subjects to feature length. With the hurricane nonsense going on right now this may be the last post I’m able to make between now and Halloween on Wednesday.

THE CRIMSON STAIN MYSTERY (1916) – This was a 16 chapter silent serial that contained multiple horrific elements. The fact that it is so little remembered these days makes it perfect for this list, given Balladeer’s Blog’s overall theme. A mad scientist calling himself the Crimson Stain experiments on human guinea pigs in an attempt to create an intellectually superior race. His experiments all fail, producing hideous, mutated monsters. The Crimson Stain organizes his misbegotten menagerie into a villainous organization and wages a campaign of terror on the world at large. A heroic detective leads the opposition against them and tries to learn the identity of the Crimson Stain. Chapters in this serial boasted wonderfully campy titles like The Brand of Satan, The Devil’s Symphony, Despoiling Brutes and The Human Tiger.  

THE MAN WITHOUT A SOUL (1916) – A man returns from the dead bereft of any trace of morality or humanity. He now views the people around him as victims and prey. 

THE GOLEM AND THE DANCER (1917) – In the very first known horror movie sequel Paul Wegener starred and directed himself once again as the clay monster called the Golem. In this enjoyably “meta” production decades before Scream or The Human Caterpillar II, Wegener played himself. In an innovative storyline the Continue reading →

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October 28, 2012 · 2:00 pm

NOTEWORTHY COLLEGE FOOTBALL RESULTS FROM OCTOBER 27TH, 2012

SAGU RULES THE WORLD – As pointed out here at Balladeer’s Blog, each week of every college football season seems to find at least one NAIA football team upsetting a team from NCAA Division 2. For newbies to these divisions that’s like a 1AA (FCS) team upsetting a 1A (FBS) team. Yesterday the NAIA’s SOUTHWEST ASSEMBLIES OF GOD UNIVERSITY LIONS kept that tradition alive by toppling D2’s PANHANDLE STATE AGGIES. In this Instant Classic the Lions emerged with a 28-27 win in Overtime.

NUMBER FIVE TAKES A FALL – The 5th ranked team in NCAA Division 2 football was upset in yesterday’s action. The number 13 SHIPPENSBURG UNIVERSITY RED RAIDERS hosted their conference rivals the (5) BLOOMSBURG HUSKIES. In an epic gridiron struggle that the attendees will be telling their grandchildren about the conclusion of the game saw the Red Raiders come out on top by a final score of 49-42.

SKYHAWKS MAKE HISTORY – The NAIA’s POINT UNIVERSITY SKYHAWKS (helmet at left), are in their very first year of playing intercollegiate football. This weekend saw the Skyhawks notch their program’s first win.  Point University hosted the NEWPORT NEWS APPRENTICE SCHOOL BUILDERS and completely dismantled them in a 48-14 laugher. Congratulations to the Skyhawks (how can you not love that name) for this milestone accomplishment. 

TOP 25 UPSETS – NAIA – The number 19 SOUTHERN OREGON UNIVERSITY RAIDERS (helmet at left) defeated the visiting 6th ranked CC FIGHTING SAINTS, the most famous gridiron dynasty in NAIA history, in a 52-49 game for the ages.    ###    The unranked DOANE TIGERS brought down the number 18 team, the HASTINGS BRONCOS, in a dominant 48-16 homestand.    ###    … And the 20th ranked CUMBERLAND UNIVERSITY BULLDOGS fell on the road to the BAKER WILDCATS in a 32-30 nailbiter.

TOP 25 UPSETS – NCAA DIVISION 2 – The unranked SLIPPERY ROCK ROCKETS were on the road against the number 11 CALIFORNIA (PA) VULCANS and pulled off a 28-26 upset in an unforgettable game.   ###   The GRAND VALLEY STATE UNIVERSITY LAKERS were likewise unranked and on the road and toppled the 19th ranked HILLSDALE CHARGERS in a 42-23 affair that no doubt had Continue reading →

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October 26, 2012 · 12:37 am

THE BEST SILENT HORROR FILM SHORTS PART 2: 1910 – 1915

Last week Balladeer’s Blog examined the greatest silent horror film shorts from 1896 to 1909. This time around I’m presenting even more Halloween season fun with a look at early cinema’s horror treats from 1910 to 1915.

FRANKENSTEIN (1910) – The Edison Company’s 1910 version of the Mary Shelley classic ran just 16 minutes and featured a very unique creation scene. In a high-tech chamber Dr Frankenstein caused organs and body parts to form around, and attach themselves to, a skeleton. The monster slowly took shape as the anatomy was filled in around the skeletal frame, like Freddy Kreueger when revived in A Nightmare on Elm Street 4 or the creepy guy in the first Hellraiser movie. This flick ended with the Frankenstein Monster (Charles Ogle) being killed by catching sight of its own reflection in the mirror.

THE BRIDE OF THE HAUNTED CASTLE (1910) – A woman is sealed in a haunted castle to be the bride of a living skeleton. 15 minutes long.

THE DETACHABLE MAN (1910) – This 7 minute Pathe film features a man with the macabre ability to detach and reattach his various limbs… No, I don’t know if he could detach that, too.

MUSEUM SPOOKS (1910) – At night in a creepy museum the figures in the paintings emerge from their frames and cavort around the halls until sunup. 6 minutes in length.

THE QUEEN OF SPADES (1910) – Deutsche Bioscop produced this German film. It was a Continue reading →

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