Regular readers of Balladeer’s Blog are familiar with my fondness for Movie Host shows of the past and my EXCLUSIVE interview with Randy Clower of the mid-1980’s program The Texas 27 Film Vault has proven to be a very popular item on this blog.
Randy and his cohost Richard Malmos, playing machine gun- packing Film Vault Technicians First Class, would show and mock bad and campy films from decades ago and were a huge hit when they were on the air. I feel they Continue reading
Filed under Bad and weird movies, Movie Hosts
No, not The Werewolf Of Washington, which is a whole other movie, but The Werewolf of Woodstock, site of the famous multi-day music festival in 1969 New York. Enjoy this review of an atrocious attempt at a rock’n’roll horror film.
THE WEREWOLF OF WOODSTOCK (1972) – Category: Bad enough and with a classically weird premise but not fun-bad enough for my highest rating
This made for tv movie presents the weirdest variation on the werewolf legend this side of Curse of the Queerwolf. The story begins the night after the conclusion of 1969′s Woodstock music festival when a Continue reading
Filed under Bad and weird movies
Jerry Buss: He was no Arthur Marx.
Today legendary Lakers owner Jerry Buss passed away at age 80. Balladeer’s Blog will save the in-depth examinations of his career to those who are far better qualified to do it. Instead I will offer a fond farewell to one of the most beloved owners in professional sports in my usual oddball way: with a look at the one and only film turned out by Jerry Buss Productions.
That film was 1974’s Black Eye, one of the countless blaxploitation flicks of the 1970s. Fred “The Hammer” Williamson, the action hero of all manner of the decade’s blaxploitationers, from gangster dramas to westerns, starred in Black Eye as (what else) a private eye. Williamson portrayed Shep Stone, an L.A. detective trying to solve a series of murders centered around an elaborate walking stick formerly owned by a legendary silent film star. A prostitute stole the walking stick and wound up dead in an incident that served as the catalyst for Shep Stone’s involvement in Continue reading
Filed under Bad and weird movies, Blaxploitation
MARDI GRAS MASSACRE (1978) – Category: A neglected Bad Movie classic, but its hard-core gore will prevent it from ever having a Plan 9-sized cult following
It takes a twisted sort of genius to make multiple disembowelment murders look boring, but that’s exactly what Jack Weis accomplishes in Mardi Gras Massacre! Today may be Fat Tuesday, but let’s rechristen it “Splat Tuesday” in honor of this late 70’s splatterfest.
The actual “massacre” part of this movie is an incredible disappointment. An insane, hate-filled man with a knife – no, not Jim Bowie (rimshot) – is roaming around New Orleans during Mardi Gras targeting prostitutes as sacrificial offerings to the Aztec deities he worships. That sounds promising for a horror film but the disembowelment ritual is reenacted word for word and movement for movement for EACH VICTIM! There is no variation and also no suspense because after the first killing we know exactly how all the subsequent sacrifices will play out. The only chills come from listening to the awful disco music that plays during the Continue reading
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CORPSE EATERS (1974) – No, not The Brain Eaters and not The Worm Eaters, both of which are real movies, but Corpse Eaters without any “the” in front. This 57 minute wonder actually manages to overstay its welcome, believe it or not, which is just as well because the similar low-budget film Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things did everything better than this film does.
The people behind Corpse Eaters know JUST what horror fans want to see … water-skiing and plenty of it! This baby takes the concept of padding to the next level with interminable footage of two couples having a great time boating and otherwise whooping it up at lakeside. I’m not old enough to have ever sat through a suburban family’s hellishly boring home-movies but thanks to this film I can experience it as if I was alive back then! Sweeeeet!
The aforementioned lakeside footage comes after the audience is treated to several loooong minutes of a mortician and his assistant talking about what a creepy job they have. Then it’s on to our “stars” if that isn’t too strong a word for them. The frolicing couples note that it’s Friday the 13th and decide to spend the night in a graveyard just for the heck of it. While they’re doing so rain forces the quartet to Continue reading
Filed under Bad and weird movies
Okay, we’ve already had a couple of movies that pit Abraham Lincoln against vampires in one flick and zombies in the other PLUS we’ve had a film involving Franklin Roosevelt in a conflict with werewolves. I’m jumping into this bizarre trend with the following seven synopses for even more movies milking this soon-to-be overdone premise:
GEORGE WASHINGTON BATTLES THE BERSERKERS – During the brutal winter at Valley Forge General George Washington must contend with more than just the elements and the distant British army. The Hessian troops the Redcoats have imported from the German- speaking world have unleashed a master plan to overrun the Continental Army once and for all.
Their ranks boast a dabbler in Nordic magic and he’s concocted a mushroom-heavy formula to transform all the Hessians into furious berserkers like those of the Viking age! George is having none of it of course, and plans to turn the Pennsylvania snow red with the blood of these latter-day berserkers of the ancient Germanic god Woden. All this plus a gay love affair between Washington and Alexander Hamilton just to guarantee lots of free publicity!
JOHN ADAMS: WITCHSLAYER – Remember the tale of young John Adams defending a 1700s Wiccan priestess when he was a lawyer? This movie would proceed from the notion that the young witch went on to involve Adams in a battle royal with an evil coven of dark witches who were giving paganism a bad name!
Using an aresenal of mystic weapons provided by the priestess he defended, John goes on to lay the thirteen witches and warlocks of the dark coven in their graves! Throw in an Continue reading
Filed under Bad and weird movies, Fantastic Movie Reviews
Here at Balladeer’s Blog I’m very fond of cinematic turkeys that have seasonal tie-ins. Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas bombs have gotten ample attention from me, so permit me to follow those items up with this look at bad movies with a New Year’s Eve theme. As usual, full-length reviews of these films can be found on my Bad Movie page.
TERROR TRAIN (1980) – A New Year’s Eve slasher film set on a train carrying a load of partying passengers who plan to ring in the New Year in each time zone of the United States. As required by law at the time, Jamie Lee Curtis starred since it was a slasher flick with a seasonal theme. (Look under the Federal Halloween, Halloween II and Prom Night Act of 1980 if you don’t believe me) A few years earlier Curtis and her college buddies played an initiation trick on a freshman by tricking him into bed with a female corpse. The guy had a nervous breakdown from the ugly near-necrophiliac experience (like sleeping with Barbra Streisand must feel) and is supposedly still in a mental hospital because of it.
Curtis and company are among the partiers on the Auld Lang Syne Express mentioned above and a ridiculously costumed slasher (guess who) begins knocking off her college friends as the train rolls across the countryside. Veteran actor Ben Johnson plays the heroic Train Conductor standing in for Dr Loomis in this flick and David Copperfield himself plays a Continue reading
Filed under Bad and weird movies
Regular readers of Balladeer’s Blog are very familiar with my Bad Movie page. Laughing at bad and weird movies is one of the great joys of life so I often post holiday-themed looks at cinematic turkeys around Halloween and Thanksgiving. The Yuletide season has its fair share of turkeys as well, so enjoy this examination of more Christmas season bombs than even Henry Kissinger ever dreamed of. In keeping with my blog’s overall theme I will exclude overexposed movies like Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and the Mexican film Santa Claus. Visit my Bad Movie page if you want full-length reviews of these flicks.
THE CHRISTMAS MARTIAN (1971) – This Canadian flick is dubbed into English from its orginal French so viewers get treated to the Old School bad movie fun of the actor’s lip movements rarely matching the words being said. An annoyingly whimsical and whacky Martian gets stuck in Canada at Christmas time. A young brother and sister help the alien visitor repair his Ed Wood- level spaceship and save him from suspicious Canadian authorities. Yes, it all seems … reminiscent … of the much-later movie E.T. but I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. (?) The Martian overdoes the zaniness factor to such a degree that even Charles Nelson Reilly would have told him to tone it down a little. He also wallows in a Canadian candy treat that looks a lot like Reese’s Pieces. Just sayin’.
SANTA AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY (1972) – Ever want to see Santa Claus sweating so much that his red pants cling to his butt tightly enough for his crack and each buttock to stand out wide and proud? THIS is the movie for you! (And please stay away from children.) Santa’s sleigh crash-lands in Continue reading
Filed under Bad and weird movies
I have been getting emails asking me to comment on the Quentin Tarantino reboot of Django in his new movie Django Unchained. I already did, months ago. Below is the link for the interested parties now that there is so much discussion of Jamie Foxx’s comments going on.
My view on the Django phenomenon also included a look at ALL the 1960’s, 1970’s and 1980’s Django flicks plus my tongue-in-cheek biography of Django.
It all started, however, with the review where I examined the original Django and two blaxploitation westerns about a former slave blowing away former Confederates in the Wild West.
FOR THAT REVIEW CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2012/08/08/the-original-django-and-two-blaxploitation-westerns-a-primer-for-django-unchained/
Filed under Bad and weird movies, Blaxploitation, Spaghetti Westerns
For this holiday week Balladeer’s Blog is taking a break from more mundane items like news and politics to focus on topics that are more fun. This time around I’m focusing on bad movies and hilariously lame educational shorts that have a specific Thanksgiving theme. As always my Bad Movie page contains full-length reviews of the films I’m offering a brief synopsis of here.
BLOOD FREAK (1972) – This movie is about a man who turns into a murderous monster with the head of a turkey after he eats a chemically treated gobbler at the turkey farm where he works. Blood Freak has been a cult classic for Thanksgiving for decades now, with many Movie Host shows of the late 70’s onward making a point of screening it at this time of year (including The Texas 27 Film Vault). The biker who turns into the blood-crazed turkey monster is Continue reading
Filed under Bad and weird movies
