Category Archives: Bad and weird movies

HUMPHREY BOGART AS AN UNDEAD MAD SCIENTIST: THE RETURN OF DR X (1939)

Return of Dr XTHE RETURN OF DR X (1939) – Category: Enjoyably campy bad movie elevated by kitsch-value in the casting.    

Yes, it’s the famous “Humphrey Bogart as a zombie mad scientist” movie. The tale goes that Jack Warner inflicted this role on gangster-flick star Bogart as punishment for resisting being cast in too many formulaic crime films. This was, of course, before The Maltese Falcon made Bogie a big-time star and long before actors had the kind of contracts that they have these days.

Bogart plays the titular Dr X, but not the same Dr X that Lionel Atwill played in a movie of that name earlier in the decade. This Dr X is Dr Maurice Xavier, a mad scientist executed in the electric chair for, among other things, bizarre experiments on infants (a pretty ballsy story element in those pre- Auschwitz awareness days).

The “return” mentioned in the title refers to the fact that Bogart’s Dr X has been brought back from the dead by the film’s secondary menace, Dr Flegg (and let’s face it , The Return Of Dr Flegg just doesn’t have the same sinister  appeal).

Flegg can bring people back from the dead but needs Dr X’s help to Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE: STAR SPANGLED RHYTHM (1942) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT: JULY 6TH, 1985

Starring All Kinds of People Who Died Before Your Grandparents Were Born

Starring All Kinds of People Who Died Before Your Grandparents Were Born

In the middle 1980’s/ Way down on Level 31 …

Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault!

Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of this neglected cult show from the mid-1980′s with the 7th review in a series where exact broadcast dates can be determined. My research through VERY old newspapers, my interviews with the show’s co-star and co-creator Randy Clower plus emails and comments from my fellow fans of the program are helping us piece together bits and pieces of the show’s history. Keep those Texas 27 Film Vault memories coming, ladies and gentlemen.

Episode originally broadcast: Saturday July 6th, 1985, from 10:30pm to 1am. Special thanks to my fellow T27FV fan Roberta for the date.  

Extras: With 2 1/2 hours to work with each week Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, as machine-gun toting “Film Vault Technicians First Class”, would usually present and mock episodes of old Republic serials, then still had time to follow that up with a bad or campy movie AND their comedy sketches. Those sketches centered on their fictional Film Vault Corps, “the few, the proud, the sarcastic”, the men and women who “protected America’s schlock-culture heritage” in the form of the Golden Turkeys beloved by bad movie buffs.

Star Spangled Rhythm was so long that, with commercials plus Randy and Richard’s comedy sketches, there was no time for a serial episode before the film for this episode of The Texas 27 Film Vault.

The Movie: Star Spangled Rhythm was a Continue reading

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BAD MOVIES: SEX SYMBOL CASEY JAMES AND A QUICK LOOK AT SOME OF THE MOST NOTORIOUS BOMBS IN HISTORY

CasBal4Special thanks to Balladeer’s Blog’s Official Movie Hostess, the achingly beautiful Casey James! In addition to being a world-famous supermodel Casey has great taste in blogs and has agreed to help yours truly spread the word about various movies from the cinematic netherworld.

FOR EVEN MORE CASEY JAMES CLICK HERE: Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE: HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! LOVE, GEORGE (1973)

Despite the movie poster's warning this flick won't even untie your shoelaces.

Despite the movie poster’s warning this flick won’t even untie your shoelaces.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! LOVE, GEORGE (1973) – Category: Bad movie elevated by kitsch value in the casting.

Directed by THE Darren McGavin and featuring his wife Kathie Browne in a small role, this hilariously bizarre film is also known as Run, Stranger, Run. “Run, Potential Viewer, Run” would be a more appropriate title. Happy Mother’s Day Love, George (henceforth HMDLG) is often described as a psycho-sexual thriller but actually it is nothing more than a melodramatic soap opera with a few murders and VERY few scenes of blood and gore. Those blood and gore scenes are so over-the-top they are completely at odds with the Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE SHORT: THE MEANEST MAN IN THE WORLD (1954)

The United Fund

The United Fund

THE MEANEST MAN IN THE WORLD (1954) – This heavy-handed United Fund short was probably effective in its day. Back then people may have felt they were being too callous by openly laughing at the antics in this public service message.

Our central character, “Jim”, comes home late at night after a marathon work day. He startles his wife, who, in typical 50’s fashion sleeps in a separate bed. In fact he startles her SO much you get the impression she had a man on the side who may have left her bed a little too close to Jim’s homecoming for comfort.

Jim’s got even bigger problems, though. Money is tight, so tight that Jim tells his still-paniced wife that this year they won’t be able to afford their usual contribution to the United Fund. Our hero then falls asleep, while the disgusted narrator of this ham-fisted production sneers at his alleged callousness.

Now the real fun begins. This joyously tasteless  production tries to equate being unable to afford a United Fund contribution to monumental acts of deliberate cruelty. Jim’s dream counterpart stalks up to a hospital and viciously KICKS THE CRUTCHES out from under a poor crippled boy, then STANDS THERE LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY while looking down at Continue reading

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TERROR TRAIN (1980) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT – DECEMBER 27TH, 1986

Terror Train

Terror Train

Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault!

Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of this neglected cult show from the mid-1980’s with the 6th review in a series where exact broadcast dates can be determined. My research through VERY old newspapers, my interviews with the show’s co-star and co-creator Randy Clower plus emails and comments from my fellow fans of the program are helping us piece together bits and pieces of the show’s history. Keep those Texas 27 Film Vault memories coming, ladies and gentlemen.

ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday December 27th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.

EXTRAS: Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, as machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class and members of the fictional Film Vault Corps (“the few, the proud, the sarcastic”) had two and a half hours to work with each week. Interviews with figures like Vincent Price, Ben Johnson and others were featured and the movies being shown and mocked were often preceded by episodes of old Republic serials like Radar Men from the Moon and others.

SERIAL: For this episode the movie was preceded by a chapter of Mysterious Doctor Satan, about a mad scientist trying to conquer the world with a very goofy- looking robot. Another extra was Randy and Richard’s “3-D interview” with Ben Johnson, whom they had interviewed at his ranch earlier in the year. Johnson also appeared in the episode’s film.

HOST SEGMENTS: Outside of the Ben Johnson bit the most memorable Host Segment  Randy and Richard did during this New Year’s-themed horror film was a bit where, as Midnight Dallas Time approached, they staged a countdown and then a raucous celebration of the arrival of … December 28th, 1986. Ken “Tex” Miller, Joe “The Hypnotic Eye” Riley and other Film Vault Corps members joined in the festivities in a great example of the wry humor of this pre-MST3K program.  

TERROR TRAIN (1980) – A New Year’s Eve slasher film set on a train carrying a load of partying passengers who plan to ring in the New Year in each time zone of the United States. As required by law at the time, Jamie Lee Curtis starred since it was a slasher flick with a seasonal theme. (Look under the Federal Halloween, Halloween II and Prom Night Act of 1980 if you don’t believe me)

A few years earlier Curtis and her Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE SHORT: IT’S WONDERFUL BEING A GIRL (1966)

ModessIT’S WONDERFUL BEING A GIRL (1966) – This 22 minute educational film about menstruation features one of my all-time favorite lines from female hygiene shorts. That line is “You CAN have fun while you’re menstruating!” To me that remark is even more fun than the line from Molly Grows Up which goes “Menstruating girls should avoid square dancing.” (That’s good advice for anybody, really, even if they’re not menstruating.)

Mom is about to introduce her 12 year old daughter Libby to the facts about Continue reading

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RETURN OF THE FLY (1959): ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT – AUGUST 9TH, 1986

*** FEATURING A MAJOR MILESTONE IN THE SHOW’S HISTORY ***

Morning Breath

Morning Breath

BEFORE MST3K THERE WAS … THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT!

In the mid-1980’s The Texas 27 Film Vault was the show to watch on Saturday nights to see “Film Vault Technicians First Class” Randy Clower and Richard Malmos show and mock bad and campy movies preceded by episodes of old Republic serials. Machine-gun toting Randy and Richard would also have comedic sci-fi adventures before and after commercial breaks. 

Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of this neglected cult series via my research into really old newspapers, my interview with Randy Clower and recollections from my fellow fans of this show. Keep those emails and comments coming “Vaulties”. Here’s my latest review of the movie shown by Randy and Richard when a date can be verified.  

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday August 9th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1am.  * Special thanks to my fellow T27FV fan Spearman for the date.

Atom Man vs SupermanSERIAL: Before the movie an episode of the 1950 Columbia serial Atom Man vs Superman was shown. Kirk Alyn starred as Superman with Lyle Talbot as his archenemy Lex Luthor. Lex has his own secret identity in this serial – each episode he dons a lead mask and oversees the villainy as “Atom Man”.

This was one of the liveliest and most campily watchable serials of the 50’s. Especially laughable are the bits when Superman “flies” – an effect achieved by switching from live footage of Kirk Alyn to INSERTED CARTOON FOOTAGE of Superman flying. Think of the ‘Toons in Roger Rabbit interacting with the live backgrounds and you have the idea.   

FILM VAULT LORE: The previous week our boys of the Film Vault Corps (“the few … the proud … the sarcastic”) had shown The Story of Mankind, another film with this episode’s interview subject: THE Vincent Price. Like this week’s showing of Return of the Fly it was used to promote Randy and Richard’s upcoming public appearance at the Dallas debut of David Cronenberg’s remake of The Fly. (More on that public appearance after the movie review) Spearman also tells me this August 9th episode also featured R&R’s interview with Vincent Price.

THE MOVIE: Return of the Fly is a black and white sequel to the Continue reading

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MARS NEEDS WOMEN (1967) AND NIGHT FRIGHT (1967) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT: MAY 10TH, 1986

Tommy Kirk's Greatest Moment

Tommy Kirk’s Greatest Moment

IN THE MIDDLE 1980s/ WAY DOWN ON LEVEL 31 …

 Before MST3K there was The Texas 27 Film Vault! In Balladeer’s Blog’s latest look at this mid-1980s cult show from the Lone Star State I’ll examine “The Dallas Double-Feature” from May 10th, 1986. My research through VERY old newspapers and other sources has uncovered several episodes where exact broadcast dates can be determined. This is the 4th review in that series.

THIS DOUBLE FEATURE FIRST BROADCAST: Saturday May 10th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 2:30am.

IF THE ONLY BAD MOVIE SHOW YOU KNOW IS MST3K THINK OF: Attack of the the (sic) Eye Creatures.

FILM VAULT LORE: Usually The Texas 27 Film Vault ran 2 1/2 hours, from 10:30pm to 1am, and would feature  machine-gun toting Randy Clower and Richard Malmos presenting (and mocking) episodes of old Republic serials followed by a cult movie. The previous Saturday night our “Film Vault Technicians First Class” showed the 12th and final episode of Radar Men from the Moon followed by the film Queen of Blood.  

The night of May 10th Randy, Richard, Tex, Joe “The Hypnotic Eye” Riley, Laurie Savino and the rest of the Film Vault Corps (“the few … the proud … the sarcastic”) presented a special called The Dallas Double Feature. The episode dispensed with a serial and showed (and mocked) two films made in Texas, one by Larry Buchanan and the other by Russ Marker. Also featured was an interview with good old Bill Thurman, a Buchanan regular who also appeared in the Russ Marker film Night Fright. Thurman was also promoting his latest film appearance, in the low-budget horror film Mountaintop Motel Massacre.   

MARS NEEDS WOMEN (1967) – Texas’ Larry Buchanan is known for Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE – QUEEN OF BLOOD (1966) SHOWN ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT MAY 3RD, 1986

Queen of BloodBefore MST3K there was The Texas 27 Film Vault! This time around in Balladeer’s Blog’s ongoing examination of that neglected 1980’s cult show I’ll pepper in the results of my exhaustive research into the show with my review of another one of the bad movies presented and mocked by Randy and Richard. Previously I reviewed the first and last episodes of the program and am still covering the movies shown where exact broadcast dates can be unearthed. 

QUEEN OF BLOOD (1966)  

Originally aired on T27FV: Saturday May 3rd, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1am.

Radar Men from the MoonExtras: The Texas 27 Film Vault ran 2 1/2 hours, so Randy and Richard had more time to work with than many other Movie Host shows. In addition to showing the movie, mocking the movie and featuring Film Vault Corps comedy sketches this episode presented the 12th and final chapter of the 1952 serial Radar Men from the Moon plus an interview with Forry Ackerman. (I think there’s more footage of Ackerman than there is of some U.S. presidents.)

If the only bad movie show you know is MST3K think of: Women of the Prehistoric Planet, First Spaceship on Venus and Humanoid Woman.  

The Movie: Queen of Blood is one of the Continue reading

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