Category Archives: Bad and weird movies

MONSTER FROM GREEN HELL (1957) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

monster from green hellIn the middle 1980’s/ Way down on Level 31 …

Before MST3K there was … THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT!

Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of this neglected cult show from the mid-1980′s.

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday March 30th, 1985 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.

Lost CitySERIAL: Prior to showing and mocking  the movie Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, the show’s machine-gun wielding “Film Vault Technicians First Class” showed an episode of the notoriously campy sci-fi serial The Lost City (1935). That serial featured a super-scientific city lost in the middle of the African jungle plus zombified “giant” African tribesmen, ray-guns, a slinky femme fatale and a tribe of pygmies. There’s also a Great White Hunter as the hero and a mad scientist whose inventions include a machine that turns black people into white people! And the “colorization” is considered a REWARD for tribesmen who serve the mad scientist well! All this plus BOTH William Boyds in one serial!  

THE TUNNEL WITH THE MINIATURES OF MULTIPLE VAULT DOORS  THAT OPENED AS THE POV CAMERA FILMED THEM.

THE TUNNEL WITH THE MINIATURES OF MULTIPLE VAULT DOORS THAT OPENED AS THE POV CAMERA FILMED THEM.

FILM VAULT LORE: One eye-catching element of The Texas 27 Film Vault was the POV shot down a tunnel of various vault doors which would open in turn as the camera approached them. It’s another aspect of the show that had Vaulties feeling deja vu when MST3K debuted years later.

The shot was achieved through miniatures, of course, and Randy Clower was kind enough to provide me with the behind-the- scenes photo shown above. Continue reading →

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FRONTIER MARSHAL (1939) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

A movie guaranteed to contain absolutely NO accurate information.

A movie guaranteed to contain absolutely NO accurate information.

BEFORE MST3K THERE WAS … THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT!

Welcome to a special Frontierado Edition of Balladeer’s Blog’s look at this neglected cult show from the 1980’s. The Texas 27 Film Vault featured Randy Clower and Richard Malmos as members of the fictional Film Vault Corps ( “The few, the proud, the sarcastic” ) showing and mocking bad and campy films preceded by episodes of old Republic Serials.

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Saturday, October 25th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00 am.

Mysterious Doctor SatanOPENING SERIAL: Before presenting and mocking Frontier Marshal our machine-gun wielding Film Vault Technicians First Class presented and mocked an episode of Mysterious Doctor Satan, a Republic serial from 1940. The serial featured a mad scientist called Dr Satan trying to take over the world with a VERY goofy- looking robot while a pulp-style hero called the Copperhead tried to thwart his plans 

THE MOVIE: Frontier Marshal, directed by Allan Dwan, has a well-deserved reputation as the worst and weirdest cinematic depiction of the events leading up to the Gunfight at the OK Corral. Randolph Scott turns in Continue reading →

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BAD MOVIE SHORT: THE FINISHING LINE (1977)

Trainspotting it's NOT!

Trainspotting it’s NOT!

Yes, it’s the infamous British safety short titled The Finishing Line and it plays like a 20 minute Monty Python sketch rehearsed in Hell. Forget America’s Driver’s Ed films like Red Asphalt or Signal 30 … forget the complete works of Sid Davis … you can even forget the entire library of Union Pacific Railroad flicks. Prepare for tastelessness beyond belief! 

And is it just me or is the P.A. announcer the guy who played Field Marshall Montgomery in Patton? At any rate here it is, the Railroad Safety Short most likey to be masturbated to by Freddy Krueger — THE FINISHING LINE!

Continue reading →

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FRIDAY THE 13th: THE ORPHAN (1977)

Friday the 13th The Orphan biggerFRIDAY THE 13th: THE ORPHAN (1977) – H.H. Munro must have turned over in his grave at this adaptation of one of his short stories. This quasi-horror film was re-released in 1979 as just The Orphan and despite the original title it has no connection to the Friday the 13th series of slasher flicks. At least, no REAL connection. I’m surprised some unscrupulous distributor never tried sneaking this into theaters in the 1980’s as a “prequel” to the slasher movies by presenting the insane young boy in the movie as the grandfather of Jason Voorhees.

Even so the title makes it hard not to think of our wealthy young protagonist “David” (Mark Owens) as an ancestor of the hockey- masked slice and dice man from Crystal Lake. In the 1920’s David’s mother accidentally shoots his African Big Game Hunter father Kevin to death during an argument about his frequent overseas trips. David not only witnesses this but sees his mother put the gun in her mouth and kill herself immediately afterward. Next David gets VERY disturbed when a presumed family member (an uncredited Christopher Lloyd in a “blink-and-you’ll- miss- him” appearance) forces him to kiss his dead father as he lies in his coffin. Continue reading →

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BEAUTIFUL CASEY JAMES PRESENTS BALLADEER’S BLOG’S OBSCURE SPAGHETTI WESTERNS

Balladeer's Blog's Official Movie Hostess, the legendary Casey James

Balladeer’s Blog’s Official Movie Hostess, the legendary Casey James

Casey James is as lethal as she is lovely and among her many roles in life she is kind enough to be Balladeer’s Blog’s Official Movie Hostess. This time around this voluptuous embodiment of men’s and many women’s desires is presenting the first in a series of my reviews of the more obscure Spaghetti Westerns – the ones not well known to viewers who are only familiar with Sergio Leone’s films. 

THE PRICE OF POWER (1969) –  There were literally more than 550 Spaghetti Westerns made in the 60’s and 70’s since when the Italians do something they do it in a big, big way. Those hundreds of films vary in quality from pretty good to hilariously awful and the creative talents behind them often tried to outdo each other in terms of colorful heroes and oddball plots. My favorites include those movies where the Italians took more liberties with Western history than American filmmakers ever dreamed of. 

That brings us to The Price Of Power which was also released under the title Texas. The point of this film is … well, it’s hard to say really. Even after repeated viewings. It’s difficult to determine if the filmmakers were trying to make a statement about the alleged conspiracy behind the assassination of President John F Kennedy or about the civil rights movement, or about capitalism’s impact on the political process in a free society or what. Whatever they were trying to do the end result is like a history lesson taught by Ed Wood himself. Let’s compare the historical record to the plotline of this very odd movie.  Continue reading →

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SUPERNATURAL (1933) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Supernatural 1933Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault!

Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of this neglected cult show from the mid-1980′s.

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday April 19th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.

EXTRAS: This episode featured footage of our Film Vault Technicians First Class Randy and Richard’s promotional appearance at Six Flags Mall in nearby Arlington, TX. Supernatural 2

HOST SEGMENTS: One particular Host Segment featured one of the show’s behind-the- scenes people portraying Commando Cody complete with helmet and rocket pack. He was portraying the character because the Commando Cody serial Radar Men from the Moon was the current serial being shown before the movie each week on The Texas 27 Film Vault.

Since Randy Clower still outranked his co-host Richard Malmos (at least until a few episodes later) in the fictional Film Vault Corps (“The few, the proud, the sarcastic”) their relationship often featured the type of abusive “Host and Second Banana” dynamic like that between Dr Morgus and his lab assistant Chopsley or Zacherle and his wife My Dear or Dr Forester and TV’s Frank.  Continue reading →

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HORROR OF PARTY BEACH (1964) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

The Cute Mascot for Vibrators-to-Go

The Cute Mascot for Vibrators-to-Go

In the middle 1980’s/ Way down on Level 31 …

Before MST3K there was The Texas 27 Film Vault, hosted by Randy Clower and Richard Malmos. Balladeer’s Blog’s examination of this neglected 1980’s cult show continues. Here’s another review of an episode where an original broadcast date can be determined.

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday May 25th, 1985 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.

Phantom EmpireEXTRAS: With 2 1/2 hours to work with every episode our machine-gun toting “Film Vault Technicians First Class” Randy and Richard had plenty of time to show (and mock) episodes of old Republic serials before showing (and mocking) the night’s bad movie. Before Horror of Party Beach our boys showed an episode of The Phantom Empire, in which Gene Autry played a singing cowboy  who saves the world from an advanced underground civilization complete with killer robots.

Yeah, most atomic beasts live off human brains!

Yeah, most atomic beasts live off human brains!

Also, a comedy sketch (which Randy Clower told me he still has footage of) from the episode featured Richard jamming a bunch of hot dogs in his mouth to resemble the absurd, multi-tongued sea creatures in Horror of Party Beach.     

FILM VAULT LORE: Special thanks to my fellow Texas 27 Film Vault fan Jana for the date of this episode and which serial preceded the movie. She did not remember which  chapter of the serial Randy and Richard were on, but you can’t have everything!

Here’s more in Jana’s own words: “My boyfriend and I at the time were at SMU and on Saturday nights everybody on Continue reading →

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TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT: THE 3-D POSTER by KERRY GAMMILL

FILMVreducedRegular readers of Balladeer’s Blog are familiar with my fondness for Movie Host shows of the past and my EXCLUSIVE interview with Randy Clower of the mid-1980’s program The Texas 27 Film Vault has proven to be a very popular item on this blog.

Randy and his cohost Richard Malmos, playing machine gun- packing Film Vault Technicians First Class, would show and mock bad and campy films from decades ago and were a huge hit when they were on the air. I feel they Continue reading →

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MOTHER’S DAY BAD MOVIE: HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY – LOVE, GEORGE (1973)

Despite the movie poster's warning this flick won't even untie your shoelaces.

Despite the movie poster’s warning this flick won’t even untie your shoelaces.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! LOVE, GEORGE (1973) – Category: Bad movie elevated by kitsch value in the casting.

Directed by THE Darren McGavin and featuring his wife Kathie Browne in a small role, this hilariously bizarre film is also known as Run, Stranger, Run. “Run, Potential Viewer, Run” would be a more appropriate title. Happy Mother’s Day Love, George (henceforth HMDLG) is often described as a psycho-sexual thriller but actually it is nothing more than a melodramatic soap opera with a few murders and VERY few scenes of blood and gore. Those blood and gore scenes are so over-the-top they are completely at odds with the Continue reading →

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LOVE GODDESS CASEY JAMES HOSTS ANOTHER LOOK AT BAD MOVIES

Casey James, the Official Movie Hostess of Balladeer's Blog

Casey James, the Official Movie Hostess of Balladeer’s Blog

Special thanks once again to Balladeer’s Blog’s Official Movie Hostess, the incomparable Casey James! Casey has a well-earned reputation as one of the most beautiful women in the world. She was kind enough to take some time away from her busy day to host another look at some very strange movies from the cinematic hinterlands. 

THE MAN WITHOUT A BODY (1957) – Unbelievably bad movie which will have you smacking your head against the wall with its hopelessly flawed logic and truck-sized plotholes. A dying tycoon has a brain tumor so he wants a healthy brain to replace it. For absolutely no reason he thinks this new brain will carry on his consciousness. Making even less sense is the fact that he wants the brain of the long-dead Nostrodamus to be the replacement organ! Making the least sense of all is the fact that his graverobbers find Nostrodamus’ brain INTACT after hundreds of years! All this plus a mad scientist who has disembodied monkey heads and a huge eyeball on his laboratory wall.  FOR MY FULL-LENGTH REVIEW CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2010/11/13/the-man-without-a-body-1957/ Continue reading →

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