It’s Friday the Thirteenth! In previous years Balladeer’s Blog has examined the 1907 novel Friday the Thirteenth, the odd horror/ arthouse film Friday the Thirteenth: The Orphan and the Texas 27 Film Vault presentation of Friday the Thirteenth Part 3D. This year I’ll take a look at some of the worst Jason Voorhees imitators and forerunners.
BARTHOLOMEW
Movie: Horror House on Highway Five (1985)
Lore: Bartholomew wore a Richard Nixon mask while slicing and dicing his victims. He was a simple-minded man transformed into an unstoppable killer by a Nazi mad scientist … A Nazi mad scientist who, strangely enough, wore a yarmulke. With a swastika on it. (?)
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MISTER RABBEY
Movie: The Psychopath (1975)
Lore: Mister Rabbey was a child-minded nutcase who hosted a Mister Rogers-type kiddie show. When he discovers that some of the children he visits at the local hospital have been abused by their parents he sets out to kill those abusers. He kills by strangling one victim with his security blanket but also uses weapons like a baseball bat, garden shears and a lawnmower in his deadly crusade.
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JACKIE
Movie: The Newlydeads (1987)
Lore: Jackie was a transvestite who was murdered by a homophobic man when he discovered that what he thought was a hot woman was really a man. Jackie returned from the dead 15 years later as a part-zombie, part-ghost in a wedding dress. The resurrected tranny began killing off the newlyweds staying at her murderer’s Honeymoon Hotel.
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EUGENE
Movie: Hellroller (1992)
Lore: Eugene is confined to a wheelchair but proves “handi-capable” enough to kill off multiple victims. His body count includes Skid Row bums, good-looking women and bloated rich pigs reduced to poverty through a mad scientist’s chemical treatment. It’s as weird as it sounds. Eugene’s strangest kill comes in the infamous “death by iron” scene.
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THE DRIVE-IN KILLER
Movie: Drive-In Massacre (1976)
Lore: This slasher used a sword to behead couples making out at a drive-in theater. The actual identity of this killer will be forever unknown because of the movie’s gimmick ending: an announcement that the killer was still at large and looking for victims in the very theater wherever the movie was playing.
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JAY JONES
Movie: Slasher in the House (1981) aka Home Sweet Home
Lore: Bodybuilder Jake Steinfeld portrayed this muscular slasher who escaped from an insane asylum on Thanksgiving. Injecting PCP under his tongue fueled his blood-soaked holiday murder spree in which he whittled down most of the members of a large family gathered for Thanksgiving dinner.
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MARTY
Movie: April Fool’s Day (1986) aka Slaughter High
Lore: Marty was scarred by acid due to a high school prank. Ten years later he lures all the perpetrators back to their now-abandoned high school on April Fool’s Day. Marty gets revenge by bumping off his old tormentors in fairly graphic ways.
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HARRY
Movie: Open House (1987)
Lore: Harry, a bitter and resentful homeless man, affixes razor blades to the handle of a toilet plunger and proceeds to kill off real estate agents and their affluent clients. It’s all played completely straight, making the obvious absurdity stand out even more. Adrienne Barbeau stars.
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SARAH
Movie: Blood Beat (1982)
Lore: Sarah visits her boyfriend’s family at Christmastime. When she touches one of the patriarch’s World War Two trophies – an actual samurai sword – she becomes possessed by the spirit of a murderous samurai and begins using the sword to carve up assorted victims. NOTE: I’ve previously examined slashers dressed as Santa Claus in another list so this one will not feature any of them.
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BILL
Movie: Terror Train (1980)
Lore: In college Bill was the victim of a prank when his “friends” tricked him into bed with a corpse. The man went insane and, three years later, has escaped to seek revenge. On a train roaring across the country on New Year’s Eve he slashes away at his targets. Jaime Lee Curtis, Ben Johnson, David Copperfield, Vanity and Hart Bochner star. SPOILER: Years before Sleepaway Camp, this movie had a cross-dressing “shock ending.”
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ETHEL
Movie: Criminally Insane (1974)
Lore: Ethel has a compulsive eating disorder. When family members try to get between her and her next meal she kills them. Soon she’s knocking off grocery delivery boys and anyone else who can fuel her feeding frenzies. SPOILER: Forever famished, Ethel eventually kills two birds with one stone by eating her dead victims.
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FATHER XAVIER
Movie: The Confessional (1976)
Lore: Father Xavier loses his grip on sanity and starts killing off parishioners because of the sins they confess to him. Not only that but his methods include poisoned communion wafers, strangling people with rosary beads and stabbing people with crucifixes! A line of dialogue in this film spawned my overused joke about “renegade Belgian cardinals.”
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“EVIL”
Movie: New Year’s Evil (1980)
Lore: The slasher in this flick really does call himself “Evil.” He taunts the hostess of a New Year’s Eve concert special about how he’ll be ringing in the New Year by killing at least one person every time Midnight strikes in each time-zone of the United States. Kip Niven – David Niven’s son – plays the slasher.
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VALERIE
Movie: Killer Workout (1987) aka Aerobicide
Lore: Valerie was a nice attempt at adding another woman to the 1980s slasher roster. Her schtick was that her beautiful body had been hideously burned in a tanning-booth accident. This made her go around killing people who worked out a lot to keep themselves in shape. Her signature weapon was a large safety pin. I’m serious.
FOR MY FULL-LENGTH REVIEW CLICK HERE
