THE RUINED BRUIN (1961) – Written and directed by THE John K McCarthy, The Ruined Bruin was another one of those late “nudie cuties” which would make modern audiences yawn and wince … But would no doubt REALLY excite Furries!
In the past Balladeer’s Blog has reviewed the closing years of the Nudie Cutie subgenre as it went through its final convulsions in the form of gimmicks, each one more absurd than the last. I’ve reviewed Nude on the Moon, The Naked Witch, Orgy of the Dead, Doctor Sex and others.
The Ruined Bruin features a bear – really a costumed man (Myron Griffin) – who escapes from the Los Angeles Zoo and, for no apparent reason than so this movie could be made, tries to romance assorted gorgeous half-nude ladies.
Despite their name the Nudie Cuties never featured full nudity. Toplessness and some butt-shots were all you got, with strategically and/or improbably placed branches, shrubs or rail fences covering pubic regions. Fans of Peter Sellers will remember the classic sendup of those nudie cuties that he worked into one of his Inspector Clouseau films.
The appeal of these movies is barely understood today, when you can find any visual stimulation you want with just a few clicks on your keyboard but decades ago Nudie Cuties really packed ’em in.
At any rate Buddy the Bear (Griffin) escapes from the zoo and, equipped with his Boris and Natasha-level Russian accent for his voice-over, takes in the sight of plenty of beautiful women. When the first one rejects his advances (and no, I don’t know why a bear is interested in human women any more than I know why cartoon mice characters often woo female cats away from their feline arch-enemies) Buddy tries to transform himself into a human male.
Our hero does this by scarfing down several male hormone pills that he cadges from a comely nurse. Instead of turning him into a human the pills make him hornier than ever. Buddy staggers from scene to scene in which assorted beauties flee from him despite his best PUA tactics.
All the while the bear is pursued by supporting characters who want to take him back to the zoo but who often wind up in supposedly funny situations filled with the usual lame, soul-destroying “humor” so typical of Nudie Cuties. Buddy is pursued throughout L.A. as he crashes pool parties and other functions.
In the end just when it looks like one lady is falling for Buddy’s ursine appeal it turns out she was only responding to him because she thought he was a man in a costume. Once she learns the truth, she too rejects the bear and Buddy winds up recaptured and returned to the zoo.
Even at a mere 65 minutes this unfunny, unsexy bomb will have you yawning. If ever a movie was begging to have its real sound-track removed so it could be overdubbed with comical dialogue THIS is it! But no such luck thus far.
If you’re as thoroughly into bad movies as I am you’ll want to see The Ruined Bruin just to have seen it, in bird-watcher fashion. Nobody else should ever waste their time with it. Even Furries would probably be disappointed. Aroused, but disappointed.
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