MOCK HEADLINES: APRIL 12th

DEMOCRATS VOW TO RUN CAT FECES-SPREADING JULIAN ASSANGE AS THEIR 2020 PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE “He’s saner than anyone else we have running” Nancy Pelosi admits. (Scoop courtesy of Balladeer’s Blog reporter Tamara)

CORRUPT CONGRESSWOMAN “MAD MAXINE” WATERS SHOWS SHE HAD NO IDEA OUR STUDENT LOAN SYSTEM WAS CHANGED YEARS AGO … Waters Sure To Win A 4th Straight “Most Brain-Dead Member of Congress” Award! 

DEMOCRATS ADVISE NETANYAHU’S DEFEATED OPPONENT: “YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE WHAT WE DO – CONVENIENTLY DISCOVER MILLIONS OF ‘UNCOUNTED’ VOTES LONG AFTER ELECTION DAY”

SILICON VALLEY ROBBER BARONS LIKE JACK DORSEY, MARK ZUCKERBERG AND THEIR ILK ADOPT NEW SLOGAN: “WE’RE WHITE, WE’RE RICH, WE CONTROL THE INTERNET AND SOCIAL MEDIA. AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU PEASANTS CAN DO ABOUT IT!”

WOODY ALLEN TO WORK WITH JULIAN ASSANGE ON A SEQUEL TO “DON’T DRINK THE WATER.” NEW COMEDY TO BE TITLED “DON’T EAT THAT TUNA CASSEROLE!”

DEMOCRATS DECLARE IT A HATE CRIME FOR NON-DEMOCRAT CANDIDATES TO APPEAR ON ANY STATE’S BALLOTS Nancy Pelosi Says “Marginalized people blah blah blah … Nazis.”

CONGRESSIONAL DEMOCRATS AGAIN DENY BEING VERMIN – ADMIT TO BEING LARGE CLUMPS OF BACTERIA SCULPTED INTO HUMAN FORM

FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP, WIFE OF PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP, STILL SPEAKS MORE LANGUAGES THAN BOTH OBAMAS COMBINED

DEMOCRAT ILHAN OMAR BLAMES JEWS FOR HER HORRIFIC FASHION SENSE 

DEMOCRATS ANNOUNCE THAT ONE OF THEIR CANDIDATES LOSING AN ELECTION – ANY ELECTION – WILL NO LONGER BE AN ACCEPTABLE OUTCOME 

DEMOCRATS DEMAND A FINAL SOLUTION BE FOUND TO “THE JEWISH PROBLEM”

NANCY PELOSI: VETERANS ARE TRASH. WE DEMOCRATS CARE ONLY ABOUT ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS

DEMOCRAT RASHIDA TLAIB INSISTS JEWS BROKE INTO HER HOME AND REPLACED ALL HER FURNISHINGS WITH EXACT DUPLICATES “Come over and see for yourself” she heroically challenged Islamophobic skeptics

BERNIE SANDERS BOASTS: “ONLY A MILLIONAIRE LIKE ME TRULY UNDERSTANDS SOCIALISM”

NANCY PELOSI DEFIANTLY CRIES “WE DEMOCRATS WOULD RATHER HAVE THOUSANDS OF DEAD AMERICANS THAN SECURE THE BORDER!”

WEEPING JOE SCARBOROUGH ADMITS MIKA SCREAMS PRESIDENT TRUMP’S NAME DURING ORGASMS” Mika Replies: “I can honestly say it’s only happened once in my entire time with Joe … And that goes for the whole ‘orgasm’ thing, too!”