Nobody takes more joy in sucking the emotion out of all human contact than Facebook’s Mark “Skippy” Zuckerberg! Mark – who hopes to become “a real boy” someday – recently chatted with a nonexistent reporter for Balladeer’s Blog. The subject was Zuckerberg’s new algorithm for breaking down poetry (patent pending).
BALLADEER’S BLOG: So Mark, what made you and your ilk in Silicon Valley take time away from invading people’s privacy to poke and prod at poetry?
MARK ZUCKERBERG: It annoyed me that there was still a scintilla of humanity left in the written word and I realized I couldn’t rest until I had analyzed it, broken it down and/or monetized it in some way. At the very least I wanted to destroy the emotion within it.
BALLADEER’S BLOG: Why do you despise all passion?
MARK ZUCKERBERG: I figure if I’m not capable of experiencing emotions there’s no reason that people who have less money than I do should get to experience them either.
BALLADEER: Say no more. May I recite some random lines of poetry to you so you can demonstrate how your poetry algorithm would translate them?
MARK ZUCKERBERG: I would not be opposed to doing that.
BALLADEER’S BLOG: The moon like a flower/ In Heaven’s high bower/ In silent delight/ Sits and smiles on the night
MARK ZUCKERBERG: “Moon good.”
BALLADEER’S BLOG: Let thy loveliness fade as it will/ And around the dear ruin each wish of my heart/ Would entwine itself verdantly still
MARK ZUCKERBERG: “Male gaze.” Or maybe “Toxic masculinity.” I yield to the Sarkeesian-bots on my staff when it comes to translating such dangerous misogyny and exhortations to rape.
BALLADEER’S BLOG: Two roads diverged in a wood and I – / I took the road less traveled by
MARK ZUCKERBERG: “Problematic fascist walks.”
BALLADEER’S BLOG: Where they have cringed and crawled and prayed/ I stand/ The self-damned/ Unafraid
MARK ZUCKERBERG: I don’t understand it, so it must be Hate Speech. It would be banned for violation of community standards.
BALLADEER’S BLOG: I have no mouth and I must scr-
MARK ZUCKERBERG: HATE SPEECH!
BALLADEER’S BLOG: Ours not to reason why/ Ours but to do and die
MARK ZUCKERBERG: Hey, why are you reading from the Silicon Valley Employees Manual?
BALLADEER’S BLOG: Was that a joke, Mark? And they say you have no sense of humor.
MARK ZUCKERBERG: Who says that? I want their names. +++
TO LOOK INTO THE DISSENTER APP CLICK HERE
© Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog, 2019. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
20 responses to “MARK ZUCKERBERG LOOKS AT POETRY”
I liked the poetry selections and loved the sci fi joke mixed in with the poetry!
Thank you very much for saying so.
These were great! Zuckerberg and Jack Dorsey are such capitalist scumbags.
Thanks! They’re privileged white males, too, yet they think they are fit to police everyone else on the internet.
Too too awesome! Zuck is an android!
So dam funny! I loved every word of this!
Ha! Thank you!
This was so hilarious!
Ha! Thank you!
Zuckerberg would have to be a human being to understand poetry.
You got me there!
Zuckerberg always creeps me out!
These were very funny!
Pingback: BEST OF MARCH 2019 | Balladeer's Blog
I really liked this! Zuckerberg is such a creep.
Thanks! I know what you mean.