Tag Archives: Balladeer’s Blog

R100 (2013): A JAPANESE CULT FILM

R100R100 (2013) The title means “Restricted for everyone under 100 years of age.” But that’s meant tongue-in- cheekly. Trust me, this is a J-film  that doesn’t compromise yet still won’t gross out more mild viewers.

It’s no secret that the Japanese churn out some of the most watchably weird movies in the entire world. Trouble is it’s often hard to get a lot of cinephiles to share these little gems with you because some people can’t stomach movies featuring grotesque bodily modifications, tentacled creatures committing rape or people eating aborted fetuses like dumplings.  

Even those people will be able to sit all the way through R100. This little honey is largely a conceptual assault instead of a parade of gore, and is actually milder than most R-rated horror films these days.

In fact the movie has more in common with horror than erotica despite its joyously off-kilter premise. That premise: a middle-aged Japanese salesman named Katayama signs a contract with a worldwide S&M business. That contract permits them to have their black-clad, whip-wielding beauties turn up at any time they please to smack around, kick and humiliate the protagonist. Continue reading →

12 Comments

Filed under Bad and weird movies

D2 FOOTBALL TOP 25 FROM BALLADEER’S BLOG

The divisions covered here kick off the 2015 season this Friday, August 21st! Here’s another of my preseason Top 25 lists.

CSU-PuebloNCAA D2 – 1. COLORADO STATE UNIVERSITY AT PUEBLO THUNDER WOLVES (Defending Champions)      ###      2. MINNESOTA STATE MAVERICKS      ###      3. NORTHWEST MISSOURI STATE BEARCATS      ###      4. UNIVERSITY OF WEST GEORGIA WOLVES      ###      5. UNIVERSITY OF MINNESOTA AT DULUTH BULLDOGS      ###       Continue reading →

12 Comments

Filed under college football

THE MUMMY AND THE CURSE OF THE JACKALS (1969)

Mummy and the Curse of the JackalsBy request here’s an encore presentation of one of my most popular reviews of a bad movie.

THE MUMMY AND THE CURSE OF THE JACKALS (1969) – Category:A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following     Depending on which film book you read this movie either did or did not have any theatrical release but thankfully it’s available on video. Part of the bad movie fun is provided by how poorly lit some scenes are, even though that prevents us from getting better looks at 1960’s Las Vegas, where the story takes place. In this film Anthony Eisley portrays an archaeologist who, hilariously enough, can’t pronounce the word “archaeological” (he says “arkological”). He also refuses to clean the cobwebs out of his house for some reason, which can be pretty distracting in some scenes.

Like an idiot, he willingly brings the title “curse” upon himself and begins nocturnal transformations into a were-jackal so goofy looking he could pass for the mascot of a sports team. And check out Eisley’s pasty-white neck skin showing under the awkward jackal mask he’s wearing on his face. Eventually Eisley finds himself vying with the fattest mummy in human memory for the affections of an undead Egyptian Princess named Acana. 

Said mummy (who is so bulky you could swear they’ve got Tor Johnson wrapped up in those bandages) has a face that looks like a cross between Popeye the sailor man and the Toxic Avenger. Said Princess is under orders from the goddess Isis herself (in a joyously demented cameo appearance) to revive the worship of the ancient deities and provide them a home and a temple in the Mojave Desert.

Other characters include Eisley’s bland friend Bob and Bob’s blander girlfriend Donna, plus the man who may have appeared in more movies than Bronson Canyon itself, John Carradine, who plays Eisley’s one-time mentor. Continue reading →

4 Comments

Filed under Bad and weird movies

NAIA TOP 25 FROM BALLADEER’S BLOG

The divisions of college football covered here at Balladeer’s Blog kick off the 2015 season this Friday night, August 21st! Here’s my preseason Top 25 for the National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics.

HELMETCARLETONNAIA – 1. MARIAN UNIVERSITY KNIGHTS      ###      2. SOUTHERN OREGON UNIVERSITY RAIDERS (Defending Champions)      ###      3. SAINT XAVIER UNIVERSITY COUGARS      ###      4. MORNINGSIDE COLLEGE MUSTANGS      ###      T5. CARROLL COLLEGE FIGHTING SAINTS      ###      T5. LINDSEY WILSON COLLEGE BLUE RAIDERS      ###       Continue reading →

Leave a comment

Filed under college football

MALDOROR: THE FINALE

Balladeer’s Blog concludes its examination of the macabre 1868 French language work The Songs of Maldoror. (“Mal d’Auror”, meaning Evil’s Dawn or The Dawn of Evil.)

CANTO SIX: STANZA TEN

The best cover depiction of the message of this final Stanza

The best cover depiction of  Maldoror’s message.

Today it ends. A moral, ontological and supernatural battle that has raged since the dawn of creation comes to a close in the heart of Paris.

God – be he Creator or Demiurge, compassionate deity or power-crazed sadist – meets for the last time in combat with Maldoror.

When this day is over one of these two beings will never again walk the Earth. Continue reading →

24 Comments

Filed under Maldoror

COOL-NAMED SPORTS TEAM: JEFFERSON COLLEGE

Jefferson CannoneersJEFFERSON COLLEGE CANNONEERS

Location: Watertown, NY

Division: NJCAA

Conference Affiliation: Mid-State Athletic Conference

Comment: How can any man, woman or child NOT like a name as cool and original as the Cannoneers? Plus their logo features a cartoon cannon that looks ready to sing Be Our Guest at any moment! Continue reading →

10 Comments

Filed under Cool names and cool logos

BLOOD (1974)

Blood!BLOOD (1974) – Category: Laughably, enjoyably bad, but not fun-bad enough for my highest rating.         This movie is by Andy Milligan, so bad movie buffs know what to expect.  This time out our Staten Island auteur gives us a story about the son of the wolfman and the daughter of Dracula being a married couple. No, it’s not the premise for a wacky new sitcom, it’s an actual attempt at a horror film.

Wolfie Jr is trying to ween his undead bride off her addiction to human blood by substituting a sap produced by his man-eating plants (He creates these plants in his botanical laboratory so he’s both a werewolf and a mad scientist all wrapped up in one)

Trouble is, those plants only produce that sap after devouring a human victim, so what’s the difference? Somebody still winds up dead just to keep this high-maintenance bride nourished. Wolfie Jr could eliminate the middle man by just letting his wife bite people’s necks old-school! Of course, if he did that, we wouldn’t have this movie, and I’ll let you decide for yourself if that’s a Continue reading →

6 Comments

Filed under Bad and weird movies

MALDOROR 6:8 AND 6:9

Balladeer’s Blog resumes its examination of the macabre 1868 French language work The Songs of Maldoror. This is the NEXT TO LAST installment.

CANTO SIX: STANZA EIGHT

"Maldoror and His Smile" by Lord Orlando

“Maldoror and His Smile” by Lord Orlando

God has sent down an Archangel from Heaven to try to protect sixteen year old Mervyn from Maldoror’s sinister designs on him. The Archangel has assumed the form of a hermit crab in order to sneak into France unobserved by Maldoror. However, our supernatural main character has sensed the Archangel’s arrival anyway and stands along the shore where the being is trying to pass itself off as a mere hermit crab.

With a club in hand instead of one of his usual knives Maldoror watches the disguised Archangel pause on a reef before heading to shore. The figure sent from Heaven is fearful regarding its impending confrontation with Maldoror, whom the Angelic Armies concede to be a greater threat than Satan himself. For his part our vile protagonist observes that the Archangel is not very comfortable in the terrestrial sphere and plans to make quick work of him, planning to thus provoke God into engaging him in personal combat once again.   

The Archangel realizes it has been spotted and transforms from a crab into its full angelic form: Mario, the one-time Angel of the Sea who was in love with Maldoror. Way back in The Mysterious Riders this relationship was dealt with but Maldoror never revealed what happened to Mario, he simply vanished from the narrative. Now we learn why – Mario repented and returned to God, which must have been a particularly potent blow to Maldoror, which is why his ego would not permit him to recount that part of the tale. Now elevated to Archangel status Mario announces that God has given him a portion of his own power to make up for his inexperience in his new incarnation and to help him subdue our narrator.  Continue reading →

22 Comments

Filed under Maldoror

LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES: ANOTHER PARALLEL

“Can 2 of the worst presidents in history share an apartment … without driving each other crazy?”

This time around we’ll look at another of the many ways that Liberals and Conservatives are the same kind of unbearable people.

And not just because of the way they can’t comprehend that the rest of us (aka “adults”) aren’t the same narrow- minded partisans they are.  

  • * Conservatives delude themselves that
    they’re saving our souls for us and therefore we should mindlessly go along with their distorted worldview.
  • * Liberals delude themselves that they’re saving our planet for us and therefore we should mindlessly go along with their distorted worldview.

In reality both groups are interested only in stroking their own egos and reassuring themselves that they’re wonderful people for believing what they do. Both groups also lie habitually and bluster with indignant outrage whenever this is pointed out to them.

FOR MORE OF THESE CLICK HERE:  https://glitternight.com/2012/07/09/liberals-and-conservatives-and-why-we-despise-them-both/  Continue reading →

2 Comments

Filed under LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES

COOL-NAMED SPORTS TEAM: CONVERSE COLLEGE

CONVERSE COLLEGE VALKYRIES

Location: Spartanburg, SC

Division: NCAA Division 2

Conference Affiliation: Conference Carolinas

Comment: As we’ve seen I’m a sucker for team nicknames that combine my passion for college sports with my passion for mythology so this institution’s teams were a natural for this blog!  Continue reading →

2 Comments

Filed under Cool names and cool logos