Tag Archives: badfilm

FRIDAY THE 13th: THE ORPHAN (1977)

Friday the 13th The Orphan biggerFRIDAY THE 13th: THE ORPHAN (1977) – H.H. Munro must have turned over in his grave at this adaptation of one of his short stories. This quasi-horror film was re-released in 1979 as just The Orphan and despite the original title it has no connection to the Friday the 13th series of slasher flicks. At least, no REAL connection. I’m surprised some unscrupulous distributor never tried sneaking this into theaters in the 1980’s as a “prequel” to the slasher movies by presenting the insane young boy in the movie as the grandfather of Jason Voorhees.

Even so the title makes it hard not to think of our wealthy young protagonist “David” (Mark Owens) as an ancestor of the hockey- masked slice and dice man from Crystal Lake. In the 1920’s David’s mother accidentally shoots his African Big Game Hunter father Kevin to death during an argument about his frequent overseas trips. David not only witnesses this but sees his mother put the gun in her mouth and kill herself immediately afterward. Next David gets VERY disturbed when a presumed family member (an uncredited Christopher Lloyd in a “blink-and-you’ll- miss- him” appearance) forces him to kiss his dead father as he lies in his coffin. Continue reading

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MOTHER’S DAY BAD MOVIE: HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY – LOVE, GEORGE (1973)

Despite the movie poster's warning this flick won't even untie your shoelaces.

Despite the movie poster’s warning this flick won’t even untie your shoelaces.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! LOVE, GEORGE (1973) – Category: Bad movie elevated by kitsch value in the casting.

Directed by THE Darren McGavin and featuring his wife Kathie Browne in a small role, this hilariously bizarre film is also known as Run, Stranger, Run. “Run, Potential Viewer, Run” would be a more appropriate title. Happy Mother’s Day Love, George (henceforth HMDLG) is often described as a psycho-sexual thriller but actually it is nothing more than a melodramatic soap opera with a few murders and VERY few scenes of blood and gore. Those blood and gore scenes are so over-the-top they are completely at odds with the Continue reading

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ADAM AND EVE VERSUS THE CANNIBALS (1983)

Adam and Eve vs the CannibalsScrew the overrated Dan Brown and what he thinks are “shocking” revelations even though they’ve been known about and debated for centuries. If you want to see what the world’s religious establishments have REALLY been hiding from you check out this delirious acid trip of a movie from Italy. For the squeamish I know the word “cannibals” in close proximity to “Italy” usually means the hardcore violence of Italian Cannibal flicks by Ruggerio Deodato and company but that’s not the case here.

Actually this movie seems to have been trying to leapfrog on the mild success of films like Quest for Fire or One Million B.C. with odd overtones of Blue Lagoon but the end result is UN-intentionally funnier than Ringo Starr’s comedy Caveman. Adam and Eve versus the Cannibals opens up with a montage of “creation” followed by a scene of Adam (cult action icon Mark Gregory) emerging from a bloody and gooey cocoon … yes, a cocoon.

Not too long after that this flick throws even more oddball theology at us as it Continue reading

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THE EIGHT MOST NEGLECTED BAD MOVIES HERE AT BALLADEER’S BLOG

Alabama's GhostSome of the bad and weird movies I review here at Balladeer’s Blog get a huge amount of love. Films like Death Bed, Deafula, Assignment: Terror, Ghost Busting, Lewd Lizard and plenty of others don’t go a day without plenty of hits. Others for whatever reason struggle for attention. Here is a look at some of those flicks that deserve just as much of a cult following as the big names have.

ALABAMA’S GHOST (1973) – Who does this movie have to sleep with to get into my top ten articles per day on a regular basis? This flick boasts Nazi vampires from outer space, a female mad scientist named Dr Caligula, campy voice-over narration and an incoherent, cobbled-together ending prompted by the film’s production budget running out. And did I mention the Continue reading

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MARDI GRAS MASSACRE (1978)

Mardi Gras MassacreMARDI GRAS MASSACRE (1978) – Category: A neglected Bad Movie classic, but its hard-core gore will prevent it from ever having a Plan 9-sized cult following

It takes a twisted sort of genius to make multiple disembowelment murders look boring, but that’s exactly what Jack Weis accomplishes in Mardi Gras Massacre! Today may be Fat Tuesday, but let’s rechristen it “Splat Tuesday” in honor of this late 70’s splatterfest. 

The actual “massacre” part of this movie is an incredible disappointment. An insane, hate-filled man with a Continue reading

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SEXY CASEY JAMES AND BALLADEER’S BLOG’S BAD MOVIE ARCHIVES

Casey archive1Thank you once again to Balladeer’s Blog’s Official Movie Hostess, Casey James! It’s no secret that Casey is one of the most desired women on the planet but she was kind enough to take a break from stealing the hearts of her countless admirers to help present another look at bad and weird movies.  

THE SECRET OF DORIAN GRAY (1970) – A terrific idea was blown in this hilariously flawed attempt to adapt Oscar Wilde’s Picture of Dorian Gray to swinging 60’s London. Helmut Berger, who was sort of a Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE: OVERLORDS OF THE UFO (1977)

Overlords of the UFOA reader sent me an email requesting that I review this movie but I already did in 2010.

Here it is again along with a reminder to check my Bad Movie Page to get immediate satisfaction for your bad movie fix.

After all, I might have already reviewed the movie you are requesting in which case you could read the review by simply clicking right here – https://glitternight.com/bad-movies 

OVERLORDS OF THE UFO (1977) – Category: Hilariously lame “documentary” about conspiracies, the paranormal and/or the supernatural    This little honey comes from the muck and slime encrusted bottom of the cinematic barrel of movies that followed in the wake of the ridiculous Chariots Of The Gods. None of these schlockumentaries are very convincing about their subject matter but this flick is so outrageously inept that not even the Ancient Aliens team would be suckered in by it … maybe.

Early on the fun kicks into high gear with mismatched stock footage of Continue reading

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NEW YEAR’S EVE BAD MOVIES FROM BALLADEER’S BLOG

Here at Balladeer’s Blog I’m very fond of cinematic turkeys that have seasonal tie-ins. Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas bombs have gotten ample attention from me, so permit me to follow those items up with this look at bad movies with a New Year’s Eve theme. As usual, full-length reviews of these films can be found on my Bad Movie page.

AKA Time Warp

AKA Time Warp

BLOODY NEW YEAR (1987) – Also released under the title Time Warp but it’s grisly enough for the more explicit title. A handful of British boaters who are fleeing a family of soccer hooligans (no, really) wind up on an island with a deserted hotel that’s been decorated for a New Year’s Eve party since the 1950’s. This Norman J Warren film stars nobody and borrows heavily from Sam Raimi’s original Evil Dead in terms of its imitation “Deadites” and its POV tracking shots. It also features a killer who emerges from a movie being watched, a monster who climbs out of a tablecloth, homicidal kitchen utensils, indoor snowfall, laughing shrubbery and living walls. All the chaos is being caused by hapless souls who have been trapped in limbo for decades and will do anything to get out or to drag others into their hellish undead existence with them.

Bloody New Year is a neglected bad movie classic that has all the Continue reading

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CHRISTMAS TURKEYS FROM BALLADEER’S BLOG

ELVESRegular readers of Balladeer’s Blog are very familiar with my Bad Movie page. Laughing at bad and weird movies is one of the great joys of life so I often post holiday-themed looks at cinematic turkeys around Halloween and Thanksgiving. The Yuletide season has its fair share of turkeys as well, so enjoy this examination of more Christmas season bombs than even Henry Kissinger ever dreamed of. In keeping with my blog’s overall theme I will exclude overexposed movies like Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and the Mexican film Santa Claus. Visit my Bad Movie page if you want full-length reviews of the following flicks.  

Christmas MartianTHE CHRISTMAS MARTIAN (1971) – This Canadian flick is dubbed into English from its orginal French so viewers get treated to the Old School bad movie fun of the actor’s lip movements rarely matching the words being said. An annoyingly whimsical and whacky Martian gets stuck in Canada at Christmas time. A young brother and sister help the alien visitor repair his Ed Wood- level spaceship and save him from suspicious Canadian authorities. Yes, it all seems … reminiscent … of the much-later movie E.T. but I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. (?) The Martian overdoes the zaniness factor to such a degree that even Charles Nelson Reilly would have told him to tone it down a little. He also wallows in a Canadian candy treat that looks a lot like Reese’s Pieces. Just sayin’.

SANTA AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY (1972) – Ever want to see Santa Claus sweating so much that his red pants cling to his butt tightly enough for his crack and each buttock to stand out wide and proud? THIS is the movie for you! (And please stay away from children.) Santa’s sleigh crash-lands in Continue reading

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ELVES (1989): THE BEST KILLER ELF MOVIE FOR CHRISTMASTIME


ELVES
ELVES (1989) – 
Category: Enjoyably bad movie but not fun- bad enough for my highest rating          In past Christmas seasons I reviewed the underappreciated Yuletide turkeys The Christmas Martian and  Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny. (see my Bad Movie page for those reviews) This time I’ll address the horror film Elves, which will have you laughing like crazy but unlike a film like Santa’s Slay, it’s not MEANT as a comedy.

Where to begin with this film? We’ve got Dan Haggerty as a washed up ex- store detective and drug addict working as a department store Santa Claus, we’ve got Julie Austin as Continue reading

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