Tag Archives: badfilm

May 10, 2015 · 6:16 pm

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! LOVE, GEORGE (1973)

Despite the movie poster's warning this flick won't even untie your shoelaces.

Despite the movie poster’s warning this flick won’t even untie your shoelaces.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! LOVE, GEORGE (1973) – Category: Bad movie elevated by kitsch value in the casting.

Directed by THE Darren McGavin and featuring his wife Kathie Browne in a small role, this hilariously bizarre film is also known as Run, Stranger, Run. “Run, Potential Viewer, Run” would be a more appropriate title. Happy Mother’s Day Love, George  (henceforth HMDLG) is often described as a psycho-sexual thriller but actually it is nothing more than a melodramatic soap opera with a few murders and VERY few scenes of blood and gore. Those blood and gore scenes are so over-the-top they are completely at odds with the Continue reading →

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May 10, 2015 · 3:47 pm

STARSHIP INVASIONS (1977)

Starship InvasionsSTARSHIP INVASIONS (1977) – This Canadian venture (also released as Project Genocide) is a bad movie classic and I don’t know why I kept putting off reviewing it for so long. I’ve been in love with this baby ever since I first saw it long years ago.

It combines the campy fun of the old television series UFO with that of countless 1950’s and 1960’s “invasion of Earth” movies. The ridiculous uniforms of the aliens make it hard to stop laughing as you watch events unfold. They communicate telepathically (in voiceover for the benefit of viewers) so they never speak, which is another source of fun since their facial expressions never seem to change no matter how heated the telepathic conversations get.   

Our movie opens up with a UFO shooting a rather heavy Canadian farmer in an Elmer Fudd hat with a paralyzing ray, then abducting him. While in the aliens’ custody the farmer is confronted by one of his captors – a beautiful nude woman. The two have sex and return the farmer to his home, following which he tries to tell the authorities about his experience but they don’t believe him.   Continue reading →

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May 3, 2015 · 4:37 pm

THE VISITOR (1979): AN INCREDIBLY WEIRD MOVIE

Like the poster? Too bad! It bears no resemblance to ANYTHING that happens in the actual movie!

Like the poster? Too bad! It bears no resemblance to ANYTHING that happens in the actual movie!

THE VISITOR (1979) – This Italian-made movie deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following so I’m surprised that it’s still com-paratively unknown. The film is directed by “Michael J Paradise” (Giulio Paradisi) and features appearances by such name stars as Franco Nero, Glenn Ford, Lance Henriksen, Shelley Winters, John Huston, Sam Peckinpah, Kareem Abdul Jabbar and Mel Ferrer. Paradisi directs this film in such a way that the actual point of most scenes is lost because virtually every shot includes extraneous footage completely irrelevant to the storyline. The extra footage just distracts from what otherwise might have been a halfway passable sci-fi thriller.  

Never before has anyone used the words “This movie could have used more Kareem Abdul- Jabbar” but they apply to this flick.

All that being said I want to point out that I disagree with the general consensus that The Visitor makes no sense. Sure, it has plotholes, inconsistent behavior from the characters, poorly chosen reaction shots and villains who over-complicate things for themselves, but the basic story DOES make sense. In fact I bet X-Files fans would like it and would immediately understand what’s going on.

The Visitor 4Part of the confusion can be attributed to the edited version that omits so much footage that it’s difficult to understand what is going on. It’s not always easy to understand what’s going on in the complete 108 minute version, either, but at least it retains all the relevant footage. Since so many people seem lost when they first watch this movie I’ll provide a handy synopsis of the film. It’s not quite right to say there are spoilers ahead since most people apparently don’t understand what is going on when they watch the film anyway. Continue reading →

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March 24, 2015 · 3:01 am

DEAFULA (1975) ONE OF BALLADEER’S BLOG’S GREATEST HITS

Deafula BalladeerThis is one of my most- requested Bad Movie reviews, so here it is again. Deafula is yet another of those bad movies that has such a bizarre premise that many believe the film to be an urban legend, like the turkey-monster flick Blood Freak. Get ready for a deaf vampire, a very odd witch and the most joyously goofy hunchback in cinematic history.  

Deafula 2DEAFULA (1975) – Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following

Good intentions go horribly wrong in this film. Much like with Blood Freak, there are people who insist this film is just an urban legend and that it doesn’t really exist. Those people are wrong again. This horror film is in black and white and, as the title suggests, the vampire as well as everyone else in this movie’s world are deaf and communicate through sign language, billed as “Signscope” in the movie posters and in the opening credits, as if this was a pioneering technical gimmick on a par with Sensurround. (Although considering how lame Sensurround was there may be something to that)

Never fear, though, there is also voice-over narration provided by different people for each actor, so that people who don’t know sign language can follow the story. Obviously this is all very noble, and in fact Peter Wechsburg, who produced this film and stars as Deafula, was responsible for an all-sign language newscast for the hearing impaired. That newscast originated in Portland, OR, which is also where Deafula was filmed. Continue reading →

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February 17, 2015 · 1:17 am

MARDI GRAS MASSACRE – (1978)

Mardi Gras MassacreMARDI GRAS MASSACRE (1978) – Category: A neglected Bad Movie classic, but its hard-core gore will prevent it from ever having a Plan 9-sized cult following

It takes a twisted sort of genius to make multiple disembowelment murders look boring, but that’s exactly what Jack Weis accomplishes in Mardi Gras Massacre! Today may be Fat Tuesday, but let’s rechristen it “Splat Tuesday” in honor of this late 70’s splatterfest. 

The actual “massacre” part of this movie is an incredible disappointment. An insane, hate-filled man with a Continue reading →

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February 9, 2015 · 12:05 am

THIRTIETH ANNIVERSARY OF THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT!

Randy (right) and Richard way down on Level 31 hosting The Texas 27 Film Vault

Randy (right) and Richard way down on Level 31 hosting The Texas 27 Film Vault

Yes, it was Saturday February 9th, 1985 when “Film Vault Technicians First Class” Randy Clower, Richard Malmos and Ken “Tex” Miller went on the air with the very first episode of the legendary cult show called The Texas 27 Film Vault! Years before MST3K this program featured the members of the fictional Film Vault Corps – “the few, the proud, the sarcastic” – showing and wryly mocking some of the worst – or at least campiest – movies ever made, often preceded by episodes of old Republic or Columbia Serials like Radar Men from the Moon, Atom Man vs Superman and many others!  

Texas 27 Film Vault posterFor the next few years Saturday nights in Texas and Oklahoma belonged to bad movies and serials, Film Vault Corps comedy sketches and interviews with figures like Vincent Price. At least for the 2 and 1/2 hours during which The Texas 27 Film Vault aired. Some of the other beloved figures from the program included Joe Riley (later famous for the cult tv show titled The Hypnotic Eye), Laurie Savino and Doug Bransom, the former Professor Cerberus himself!  

Texas 27 Film Vault posterHere’s Balladeer’s Blog’s look at that very first episode of The Texas 27 Film Vault, from way down on Level 31 in the Film Vault beneath Dallas, Texas. There was no serial that first night because the movie plus comedy sketches filled the entire running time. Below you’ll also find the link to my exclusive interview with Randy Clower.  

MOVIE TITLE: TRUNK TO CAIRO (1966)

If the only bad movie show you know is MST3K think of Continue reading →

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December 30, 2014 · 8:20 pm

BAD MOVIES FOR THIS NEW YEAR’S EVE

Here at Balladeer’s Blog I’m very fond of cinematic turkeys that have seasonal tie-ins. Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas bombs have gotten ample attention from me, so permit me to follow those items up with this look at bad movies with a New Year’s Eve theme. As usual, full-length reviews of these films can be found on my Bad Movie page.

AKA Time Warp

AKA Time Warp

BLOODY NEW YEAR (1987) – Also released under the title Time Warp but it’s grisly enough for the more explicit title. A handful of British boaters who are fleeing a family of soccer hooligans (no, really) wind up on an island with a deserted hotel that’s been decorated for a New Year’s Eve party since the 1950’s. This Norman J Warren film stars nobody and borrows heavily from Sam Raimi’s original Evil Dead in terms of its imitation “Deadites” and its POV tracking shots. It also features a killer who emerges from a movie being watched, a monster who climbs out of a tablecloth, homicidal kitchen utensils, indoor snowfall, laughing shrubbery and living walls. All the chaos is being caused by hapless souls who have been trapped in limbo for decades and will do anything to get out or to drag others into their hellish undead existence with them.

Bloody New Year is a neglected bad movie classic that has all the Continue reading →

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December 1, 2014 · 8:10 pm

CHRISTMAS SEASON TURKEYS FROM BALLADEER’S BLOG

ELVESRegular readers of Balladeer’s Blog are very familiar with my Bad Movie page. Laughing at bad and weird movies is one of the great joys of life so I often post holiday-themed looks at cinematic turkeys around Halloween and Thanksgiving. The Yuletide season has its fair share of turkeys as well, so enjoy this examination of more Christmas season bombs than even Henry Kissinger ever dreamed of. In keeping with my blog’s overall theme I will exclude overexposed movies like Santa Claus Conquers the Martians and the Mexican film Santa Claus. Visit my Bad Movie page if you want full-length reviews of the following flicks.  

Christmas MartianTHE CHRISTMAS MARTIAN (1971) – This Canadian flick is dubbed into English from its orginal French so viewers get treated to the Old School bad movie fun of the actor’s lip movements rarely matching the words being said. An annoyingly whimsical and whacky Martian gets stuck in Canada at Christmas time. A young brother and sister help the alien visitor repair his Ed Wood- level spaceship and save him from suspicious Canadian authorities. Yes, it all seems … reminiscent … of the much-later movie E.T. but I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. (?)

The Martian overdoes the zaniness factor to such a degree that even Charles Nelson Reilly would have told him to tone it down a little. He also wallows in a Canadian candy treat that looks a lot like Reese’s Pieces. Just sayin’. Randy and Richard on The Texas 27 Film Vault showed this in the 1980’s. 

SANTA AND THE ICE CREAM BUNNY (1972) – Ever want to see Santa Claus sweating so much that his red pants cling to his butt tightly enough for his crack and each buttock to stand out wide and proud? THIS is the movie for you! (And please stay away from children.) Santa’s sleigh crash-lands in Continue reading →

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November 26, 2014 · 10:26 pm

THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT THANKSGIVING EPISODE FROM 1985

Blood Freak (1972)

Blood Freak (1972)

In the middle 1980′s/ Way down on Level 31 …

Before MST3K there was The Texas 27 Film Vault! Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of this neglected cult show from the 1980′s with another review of an episode where an original air date can be determined. This time around I’m taking a look at the show’s Thanksgiving episode from the Saturday night before Thanksgiving in 1985.

Randy and Richard showed and mocked Blood Freak, the notorious “Turkey Monster” movie that has been featured by virtually every Movie Host show except MST3K over the years. The Turkey Monster and the main character’s job at a turkey farm have made this a Thanksgiving Season favorite for lovers of bad movies. 

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday November 23rd, 1985 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.

Blood Freak2FILM VAULT LORE: Our machine-gun toting members of the fictional Film Vault Corps Randy Clower and Richard Malmos used to joke about how The Texas 27 Film Vault seemed to show every movie that had the word “blood” in the title. Previously I’ve reviewed the T27FV episodes featuring the movies Queen of Blood and Blood Beach but there are plenty more coming with sanguinous titles.

Thank you to my fellow T27FV fan Dolores for this quote about Ken Miller, who played “Tex” on the show and who, tragically, committed suicide in 1988: “I loved the random bits of madness added by the gung ho Tex each episode! He always reminded me of Robert Duvall’s character Kilgore from Apocalypse Now. My favorite catch-phrase from Tex was when he would say “Commies don’t watch bad movies!” the way Duvall said “Charley don’t surf!” in Apocalypse Now.”  

Flash Gordon Conquers the UniverseSERIAL: Before showing and mocking the movie our Film Vault Technicians First Class showed and mocked a chapter of the 1940 serial Flash Gordon Conquers The Universe. Special thanks to my fellow Vaultie Channing for her providing the date and serial for this episode.  

THE FILM: BLOOD FREAK (1972) – This movie is about a man who turns into a murderous monster with the head of a turkey after he eats a Continue reading →

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November 25, 2014 · 3:01 pm

TURKEY DAY: BAD MOVIES AND SHORTS FOR THANKSGIVING

Blood Freak (1972)

Blood Freak (1972)

For the Thanksgiving holiday Balladeer’s Blog is focusing on bad movies and hilariously lame educational shorts that have a specific Thanksgiving theme. As always my Bad Movie page contains full-length reviews of the films I’m offering a brief synopsis of here.

BLOOD FREAK (1972) – This movie is about a man who turns into a murderous monster with the head of a turkey after he eats a chemically treated gobbler at the turkey farm where he works. Blood Freak has been a cult classic for Thanksgiving for decades now, with many Movie Host shows of the late 70’s onward making a point of screening it at this time of year (including The Texas 27 Film Vault). The biker who turns into the blood-crazed turkey monster is Continue reading →

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