THE BODY SHOP (1973) – Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following
The Body Shop is one of my all-time favorite bad movie gems. It includes all the little extras that separate mere bombs from the truly legendary turkeys and, like another neglected classic, The Wizard of Mars (see my Bad Movie page for the review), just keeps getting worse and Continue reading
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Amsterdamned
AMSTERDAMNED (1988) – Well, this will be an unexpected twist for regular readers of Balladeer’s Blog. Usually I review bad movie classics that don’t have the following they deserve, but in this case I’m reviewing a film that has a reputation for being bad, but really isn’t.
I’ve meant to write this review for awhile now. Amsterdamned is one of those films on the “must see” list for many of my fellow bad movie fans. I felt that way for years, too. After all, the film is from the same director who did The Lift, the hilariously bad “killer elevator” movie that I reviewed long ago on this blog. It also Continue reading
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DRIVE-IN MASSACRE (1976) – Category: Gimmick movie worth watching once, but never again
This movie has that certain charm to it that most low-budget 70’s horror films possess. When watching Drive-In Massacre you can’t help but reflect on the fact that the talent of John Carpenter is the only thing separating his milestone film Halloween from the many other 1970’s slice and dice films like this one.
The plot of Drive-In Massacre involves a Continue reading
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This is one of the reviews I get the most e-mail over so here it is again for the old fans and the new readers who have been requesting it without realizing I already reviewed it last year. Remember, before requesting a review you may want to see if I reviewed it already by checking my Bad Movies page. https://glitternight.com/bad-movies/
THE CLONES OF BRUCE LEE (1979) – Category: Brucesploitation with an enjoyably absurd twist. In the joyously tasteless beginning of this quintessential Brucesploitation movie British secret agents extract cell samples from the martial arts superstar on his deathbed. Since E-Bay wasn’t around yet they can’t auction off the cell samples so instead they use them to make three Bruce Lee clones to form an elite crime fighting unit.
You have to Continue reading
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DIAL: HELP (1988) – Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9- sized cult following.
This 1988 horror film from Italy (but dubbed into English) deals with a young model, played by Charlotte Lewis, who finds her life turning hellish when she begins being tormented by living phones … yes, living phones. As always with me, I love to laugh at bad horor movies like this that are NOT trying to be funny, but are so disastrously bad and have such ludicrous premises that they are unintentional comedy classics. Remember my reviews of movies like Death Bed, about a killer bed; Deafula, about a deaf vampire and The Lift, about a killer elevator? Lump this flick in with those.
Hardcore horror fans will be stunned to learn that the man behind this laughable mess is none other than Continue reading
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The best thing about these seasonal bad movie reviews of mine is the fact that they save a lot of time by being appropriate AND already done. From 2010 it’s a repost of my review of the laughably bad holiday horror film New Year’s Evil.
NEW YEAR’S EVIL (1980) – Category: Enjoyably campy bad movie elevated by kitsch-value in the casting This is another of those holiday-themed slasher movies that followed in the bloody footsteps of the original Halloween. See my review of the Thanksgiving slasher movie Slasher In The House for more on this odd sub-genre.
Our cups runneth over with kitsch-casting in this little honey. ROZ KELLY, “Pinky Tuscadero” herself, stars as Blaze, an alleged punk rock icon who hosts an alleged punk rock (but really New Wave) concert being televised on New Year’s Eve.
Kelly is Continue reading
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Clower (right) with co-host Richard Malmos as “Film Vault Technicians First Class” on The Texas 27 Film Vault
Before MST3K there was THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT! Before Joel and Mike lovers of bad movies had Randy and Richard! Before Pearl there was Laurie Savino! Before Devil Dogs, Observers and Deep 13 there came Cellumites, giant rats and Level 31.
In the mid 1980’s The Texas 27 Film Vault was the show to watch on Saturday nights for wry mockery of Golden Turkeys preceded by episodes of vintage Republic Serials like Radar Men From The Moon and Canadian Mounties vs Atomic Invaders.
The Texas 27 Film Vault is one of the great unsung Movie Host shows of the 1980’s and I was thrilled to get this exclusive interview with Randy Clower, co-star and co-creator of this legendary cult show from the Dallas/ Fort Worth area. “The Film Vault Guys” as they were often called by us fans, or “Vaulties”, established the pattern that a few other Movie Hosts have since followed.
Clower, Richard Malmos and their friend Ken Miller put together a Public Access television show called The Trivia Guys and in a classic story of talent over budget the trio crafted the program with such care and detail it became a minor hit. The program had a very professional look for a Public Access production and its success prompted a PM Magazine feature on The Trivia Guys.
Management at Dallas television station KDFI, Channel 27 ( the “27” in The Texas 27 Film Vault ) saw the PM Magazine feature and were impressed with the high- dollar look that Clower, Malmos and Miller had put together on a flyweight budget. They approached the trio about hosting a late-night B-Movie show since the Dallas/ Ft Worth area had been without its own home- grown version of that local tv staple since the days of Greg Bransom’s show Professor Cerberus and the Museum of Horrors.
Warming to the idea, the soon-to-be Film Vault Guys decided that vampires, mad scientists and creepy castles had been done ad nauseum in Movie Host shows by then and ingeniously went in a different direction. Thus was born the Film Vault Corps, a fictional quasi- military organization that protected America’s schlock- culture heritage by safeguarding the bad, campy but loveable cinematic turkeys of the past. The men and women of the FVC carried out this task in various Film Vaults under every major city in the United States.
These vaults were Continue reading
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North Korea’s demented dictator Kim Jong Il is dead. What better way to mark the passing of an animal who starved his own people, constantly threatened nuclear activity against other nations, had his secret police abduct countless people in the middle of the night and ran a barbaric prison system than by re- posting my review of that nutjob’s lone venture into the area of filmmaking. While Kim Jong Il and his buddy Hawkeye Pierce (rimshot) share cocktails in whatever hellish afterlife is shared by real- world wackos and fictional fools, let’s look once again at my 2010 review of Pulgasari, the only kaiju movie produced by a man who combined the insanity of Idi Amin with the paranoia of Josef Stalin.
PULGASARI (1985) – Category: Bad enough and with a classically weird premise but not fun-bad enough for my highest rating North Korea’s thoroughly deranged dictator Kim Jong Il was responsible for this film and even gives himself a producer’s credit. It’s the least he could do for himself after having his underlings literally kidnap some South Korean filmmakers and force them to take part in this bizarre film venture. If you doubt me just use a search engine to find out about the making of this movie. He even made those unfortunate people rot in one of his prisons for four years before he finally got around to setting them to the task he had kidnapped them for in the first place.
It was all part of Krazy Kim’s desire to initiate North Korea’s entry into the Continue reading
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ELVES (1989) – Category: Enjoyably bad movie but not fun- bad enough for my highest rating Last Christmas season I reviewed the underappreciated Yuletide turkeys The Christmas Martian and Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny. (see my Bad Movie page for those reviews) This year I’ll address the horror film Elves, which will have you laughing like crazy but unlike a film like Santa’s Slay, it’s not MEANT as a comedy.
Where to begin with this film? We’ve got Dan Haggerty as a washed up ex- store detective and drug addict working as a department store Santa Claus, we’ve got Julie Austin as rebellious teenager Kirsten and our special-effects elf (seen in photo) as our title menace. Yep, right off the bat something to love about this Continue reading
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