Category Archives: Bad and weird movies

THE GOLDEN BAT (1966): FILM REVIEW

Golden Bat

The Golden Bat: the ugliest superhero in the world.

THE GOLDEN BAT (1966) – Ogon Batto is the name of this film in its native Japan. The movie was based on the title character, Japan’s very first comic book superhero who debuted in 1930. That 1930 date puts him years before Superman and Batman in the west!  

At any rate for the 1966 movie Japan’s perennial action star Sonny Chiba played the leader of a group of science-oriented commandos in what looked like aluminum foil suits. Chiba and his gang have fancy aircraft like England’s Thunderbirds and their debut mission finds them trying to save the Earth from collision with a rogue planet called Icarus.

Chiba’s outfit has constructed a giant laser cannon to destroy Icarus before it can reach our planet. Trouble is it needs a final component to be found only on a lost island. When Sonny Chiba’s Mighty Aluminum Foil Power Rangers explore the ancient city on that island they uncover the tomb of … the Golden Bat! Continue reading →

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NEIL BREEN’S LATEST FILM: TWISTED PAIR (2018)

neil breen 2My fellow Human Breens will be thrilled to hear that the one, the only Neil Breen (PBUH) has released his latest cinematic effort. He once again wrote, starred and directed. This addition to the Breeniverse is titled Twisted Pair and features Neil sharing the starring role with the only man who could possibly hold their own with him on the big screen: himself.

As if one Neil Breen pompously setting straight the human race about what moral lepers we are wasn’t enough we now get Breen Times Two or Breen Squared or however you would prefer to describe it. Neil portrays identical twins Keith and Kale, who merge with a form of Artificial Intelligence, gain super powers from it and then set out to save humanity from itself. Same ol’ same ol’ in other words.

We get some Sheer Breenius right off the bat as the twins are listed in the credits as Keith and Kale but are referred to as KADE and Kale in the dialogue. Don’t ever change, Neil.

Anyway, Keith (Or Kade) and Kale are “Identical Neil Breens/ All the way/ They walk alike/ They fly alike/ They even give tiresome lectures with an air of moral superiority alike/ … What a Twisted Pair!/ You will lose your mind/ When Neil Breen/ Is Two of a Kiiiind!” 

twisted pairConflict is the essence of drama, of course, and though Kade and Kale just KNOW they are the Supreme Breens fit to reform humanity the twins disagree about the way to approach their mission. The two members of this Breen Trust clash when one of them decides the human race must be browbeaten into submission while the other decides that the human race must be SAVAGELY browbeaten into submission. Fifty Shades of Grey takes on new meaning here.

Anyway, in Twisted Pair the number of computers destroyed may be larger while the body count and the women’s breasts may be smaller but otherwise it’s pretty much Breen-ness as usual.

Remember the tagline to the Christopher Reeve Superman movie: “You’ll believe a man can fly.” Well in Twisted Pair you WON’T believe how hard you’ll laugh when you see Kade and Kale fly. If you’re a heathen who’s not familiar with the Breen Scene my look at his first four films can be found HERE 

The Twisted Pair trailer is below:  Continue reading →

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LOST MOONA LISA FOOTAGE HAS SURFACED

Moona Lisa with skullThank you to reader Peahix for letting me know about this. Moona Lisa aka Lisa Clark, one of the many Movie Hosts that Balladeer’s Blog has covered over the years, has often lacked the acclaim she deserves because of the scarcity of footage that still exists from her shows (Science Fiction Theater, Moona’s Midnight Madness, etc).

Long-time readers of Balladeer’s Blog will remember when I first contacted her years ago and many of you were very nice with your concern about her health issues. For newbies Moona Lisa’s hosting shtick was that she was a Moon Maiden who lived in her own private moonbase with a view of planet Earth outside her window.

Moona Lisa in stairwellShe would host bad and campy movies while vamping it up and offering wry commentary on the “so bad they’re good” flicks she would present. She had a 12-year run from the 1960s into the 1970s, putting her nicely in the middle between the reigns of Vampira and Elvira.

NOTE: THIS FOOTAGE IS IN U-MATIC VIDEO FORMAT TAPED ON A U-MATIC MACHINE. Those recorders were used from the late 1960s onward for several years. (Think of the one used in the William Shatner episode of Columbo.) The footage will need converted.

Moona Lisa posingI am tempted to buy it but as many of you know that would mean the footage would never get posted online. I can’t stand the thought of ever dealing with YouTube or similar sites because of their arbitrary way of frequently taking down videos over real or imaginary copyright issues.

Point being that if I buy the footage and convert it I will review it, but I won’t post it anywhere online. So, for those of you annoyed at the way I don’t post my episodes of The Texas 27 Film Vault or some of my obscure versions of A Christmas Carol here is your chance to get this footage or recommend it to someone you know who DOES have a YouTube channel.    

For more info see below. This Moona Lisa footage is being sold at this link: Continue reading →

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THE CLONES (1973): MOVIE REVIEW

ClonesTHE CLONES (1973) – This neglected sci-fi item from the 70s was directed by Lamar Card & Paul Hunt, based on Hunt’s story. The Clones falls into that category of films that I always refer to as “X-Movies” because of the way they put one in mind of the paranoid and conspiratorial air of the best X-Files episodes.

Michael Greene, who played Secret Service Agent Jimmy Hart in To Live and Die in L.A, stars as Dr Gerald Appleby. Gerald is a scientist who has been cloned and finds himself vying with his clone for ownership of his life, career and girlfriend when the duplicate begins impersonating him.

clones 2Gregory Sierra, best known to trivia buffs as “And Gregory Sierra” for the number of times he was credited like that in various television shows and movies, plays Nemo, a government agent tasked to keep the clone project a secret and bring in the escapee.

Helping him out is fellow agent Sawyer, portrayed by Otis Young (Blood Beach). Sawyer suffers a crisis of conscience during this coverup assignment.  Continue reading →

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THE DRAGON LIVES AGAIN (1977): BRUCE LEE EXPLOITATION

Dragon Lives Again

The Dragon Lives Again

THE DRAGON LIVES AGAIN (1977) – Category: Brucesploitation with an enjoyably absurd twist   

Even for the bizarre sub-genre of Brucesploitation films this movie is out there! The film starts with the recently – deceased Bruce Lee arriving in the afterlife, where the concubines of the King of the Dead gather around to gawk at the bulge in the pants of the late martial arts superstar. (Just in case you thought NO opening could be more tasteless than the one in The Clones Of Bruce Lee ) In a bit of alleged comic relief the bulge turns out to be caused by a weapon, not Lee’s organ. (Corpse schlong jokes! Who doesn’t love them?)

As head-shaking as that bit is at least it’s coherent, unlike virtually everything else that happens from this point on in the movie. And the time-honored tradition of Brucesploitation films having  leading men who don’t even look like Bruce Lee is well-represented in this flick, but at least here they try to explain it away by talking about how a person’s face and body change after death.  Which, of course, makes no sense since this is supposed to be Lee’s soul, not his body. 

Anyway, Bruce somehow persuades the King Of The Dead to grant him a chance to return to the world of the living, and is told he can return if he outfights all the other inhabitants of this odd netherworld. 

You see, this isn’t just any bland version of the afterlife our hero finds himself in. It’s kind of a Valhalla of cult movie characters and Bruce spends the rest of the movie fighting all of them in various combinations. Continue reading →

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FRIDAY THE 13th: THE ORPHAN (1977)

Friday the 13th The Orphan biggerFRIDAY THE 13th: THE ORPHAN (1977) – H.H. Munro must have turned over in his grave at this adaptation of one of his short stories. This quasi-horror film was re-released in 1979 as just The Orphan and despite the original title it has no connection to the Friday the 13th series of slasher flicks. At least, no REAL connection. I’m surprised some unscrupulous distributor never tried sneaking this into theaters in the 1980s as a “prequel” to the slasher movies by presenting the insane young boy in the movie as the grandfather of Jason Voorhees.

Even so the title makes it hard not to think of our wealthy young protagonist “David” (Mark Owens) as an ancestor of the hockey- masked slice and dice man from Crystal Lake. In the 1920s David’s mother accidentally shoots his African Big Game Hunter father Kevin to death during an argument about his frequent overseas trips. David not only witnesses this but sees his mother put the gun in her mouth and kill herself immediately afterward.

Next David gets VERY disturbed when a presumed family member (an uncredited Christopher Lloyd in a “blink-and-you’ll- miss- him” appearance) forces him to kiss his dead father as he lies in his coffin.

The young man’s Aunt Martha arrives to take care of him (and yes, obscure movie buffs, she sometimes does dreadful things). Turns out Martha was dating David’s father before he callously dumped her to marry her sister. Martha takes her resentment of the father out on David and even chews him out about a cough he inherited from dear dead Dad. I’m sure you can tell where all this is headed. Continue reading →

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AD NAUSEUM: NEWSPRINT NIGHTMARES FROM THE 1980s

Ad NauseumAuthor Michael Gingold has collected 450 movie ads for horror films of the 1980s.

The book – Ad Nauseum: Newsprint Nightmares from the 1980s – features more than just the ads of course. Gingold accompanies the ads with anecdotes about what it was like as a filmgoer in the 80s when there was no internet and newspaper ads were one of the major sources for upcoming horror flicks.

The book is available for pre-order Continue reading →

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FATHER’S DAY (2011)

Father's DayFATHER’S DAY (2011) – Brace yourself for a gory time in this enjoyably outrageous cult classic.

Ahab, the eye-patch sporting hero of the Astron 6 horror film Father’s Day is in my opinion the one true successor to Bruce Campbell’s Ash Williams. And considering how unfair the ending of this movie is for Ahab and his two sidekicks a case could even be made for them replacing Ash as the most royally screwed character in the history of gore-soaked horror comedies.     

It’s difficult to review this dark, grotesque gem without resorting to a series of catch phrases like “Goes where Dead Alive and similar movies failed to go” or “What Grindhouse hath wrought” or even “Twink and Walnut: They’re NOT Muppets!” Let me start with a more practical line: Do not watch this movie if you can not handle the most offensive violence, concepts, gore and deranged sexuality imaginable.  Continue reading →

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SCREAM FACTORY: BRAIN DEAD (1990)

Brain Dead 1990Scream Factory has announced that on September 11th it will be releasing its edition of the 1990 cult movie Brain Dead, with Bill Pullman and Bill Paxton. 

It’s an enjoyable little head-trip of a movie that tries to keep you guessing about what’s really going on. Extras for the release will be announced at a later date.

I’m not sure if even I would want to own this movie but it’s at least nice for a one-time viewing. Once you know what’s really going on subsequent viewings lack any real oomph.  

 

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“LOVE IS A FINE THING” FROM THE MOVIE “THE MAN FROM S.E.X.”

Mascot new lookFor Balladeer’s Blog’s review of the horrible yet hilarious spy movie The Man From S.E.X. click HERE  

For this edition of Give Them A Shoutout Before They’re Dead here’s the song Love Is A Fine Thing from that film – which was also released under the title Licensed to Love and Kill. Doreen Chanter sings it.

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