Monthly Archives: February 2015

February 16, 2015 · 7:55 pm

THE HYPNOTIC EYE (1960) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Hypnotic EyeIn the middle 1980s/ Way down on Level 31 …

Before MST3K there was The Texas 27 Film Vault! The 30th anniversary year of this neglected cult tv show continues with this look at another film shown and mocked by Film Vault Technicians First Class Randy Clower and Richard Malmos.

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Saturday April 12th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00am. 

Radar Men from the MoonSERIAL: Radar Men from the Moon was the current serial being shown. This episode of The Texas 27 Film Vault featured Chapter Nine titled Battle in the Stratosphere. During the 12 week run of this serial one of the behind the scenes crew (no one remembers who at this point) would dress as Commando Cody, the hero of the serial, and occassionally interact with Randy and Richard during the comedy sketches. 

FILM VAULT LORE: This was supposedly the favorite episode of the Film Vault Corp’s effects man Joe Riley, which is why he used the title The Hypnotic Eye for his post-T27FV television show, episodes of which are on Youtube.

Texas 27 Film Vault posterCOMEDY SKETCHES : This episode aired when Randy still “outranked” Richard in the Film Vault Corps and so their relationship often had the “Main Character and Abused Second Banana” vibe like with Zacherle and My Dear, or Dr Morgus and Chopsley or Dr Forester and TV’s Frank. (F-Troop fans might describe it as a “Sgt O’Rourke and Cpl Agarn vibe.”)

The Host Segments therefore featured Richard supposedly being subjected to the type of mutilation the hypnotized female victims in The Hypnotic Eye were inflicting on themselves. Joe Riley’s special effect of Richard’s hair being set on fire was as intentionally laughable as the effect in the movie itself.  

THE MOVIE:   Continue reading →

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February 16, 2015 · 12:01 am

MICHELLE OBAMA REPLACES NANCY REAGAN AS AMERICA’S WORST FIRST LADY EVER

Michelle "Bowser" Obama

Michelle “Bowser” Obama

For a different kind of President’s Day treat Balladeer’s Blog takes a look at a truly repulsive person who has managed to surpass the pompous, snobbish and callous Nancy Reagan to become America’s Worst First Lady Ever.

MICHELLE OBAMA – Bitter and hate-filled, this cosmically unlikeable figure has been stripped of her right to practice law just like her corrupt husband. Michelle is an overt racist whose loathing of everyone who is not an African-American is right out in the open for all to see.

Michelle is such a repulsive figure that when Barack was elected she was ill-mannered enough to say it was the first time she wasn’t ashamed of the country. Only a piece of absolute garbage would do this. It’s like being invited into someone’s house and telling them “This is the first time I’ve been in your house and it hasn’t stunk like an open sewer.”

Michelle Obama uglyMichelle Obama embodies the term “Redneck of Color” with her ignorance and her lack of social graces and we can all happily tell her she represents the first time we as a nation have had to be ashamed of our First Lady. Michelle, like Barack, is a beneficiary of Affirmative Action, which she admits in one of her anecdotes that she glories in telling, even though she gets it wrong.

She talks about how she was told her grades weren’t good enough to get into Princeton … yet she got in anyway because of minority set-asides established by those eeeevilll white people she hates so much. When Michelle tells this story she words it like it’s an “I showed them” story, as if it’s a personal triumph on her part.

Michelle Obama scowlUh, no, clueless little Michelle. It would be a personal triumph if the story concluded “… But I studied hard and raised my grades so that I got in ANYWAY!” It’s hilarious to see her tell this story repeatedly (it’s even on youtube) yet never realize what an asshole she comes off as. Continue reading →

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February 15, 2015 · 3:21 pm

COLLEGE BASKETBALL RESULTS

* HEADLINES *

cobberleaningII%5B1%5DNUMBER TWO TAKES A FALL – The CONCORDIA (Moorhead) COBBERS welcomed the number 2 team in the nation – the UNIVERSITY OF SAINT THOMAS TOMMIES – on Saturday. The Cobbers faced a 40-31 deficit at Halftime but came back after the break to pull off the upset and hand the Tommies their second loss of the season. The final score was Cobbers 72  Tommies 66. Jordan Bolger led Concordia (Moorhead) with his 20 points and 9 rebounds as the team improved to 14-8.   

John Carroll Blue StreaksNUMBER THREE GETS TOPPLED, TOO – Meanwhile the JOHN CARROLL UNIVERSITY BLUE STREAKS took the court against the visiting 3rd ranked MARIETTA COLLEGE PIONEERS. By Halftime the Blue Streaks had seized a hard-fought 50-45 edge on their way to an 86-71 triumph. David Linane tossed in 30 points to lead John Carroll University. The Blue Streaks are now 17-5, the Pioneers 21-2.      Continue reading →

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February 14, 2015 · 10:11 pm

U.S. PRESIDENTS: PROS AND CONS

Fun Fact: Barbara Bush patterned her “look” after Millard Fillmore

In honor of the President’s Day Holiday weekend Balladeer’s Blog will present some of my quick takes on each of the 44 men who have stayed one step ahead of the law while occupying the office.

1. GEORGE WASHINGTON – Motto – “Screw taking a salary as a General, just bill ’em outrageously for your expenses!”  *** Nickname: The First Lady of Broadway *** Pro: Established the precedent of stepping down after 2 terms max.  Con: Owned other human beings.

2. JOHN ADAMS – Motto – ” A day without alienating someone is like a day without sunshine.” *** Nickname: Boom-Boom *** Pro: Was almost fanatically honest.  Con: Alienated nearly everyone except his wife Abigail.

3. THOMAS JEFFERSON – Motto: ” What’s with that painting where I look like Bea Arthur?” *** Nickname: The Pompous Hypocrite *** Pro:  Continue reading →

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February 14, 2015 · 4:40 pm

PULP HERO G-8 AND HIS BATTLE ACES: STORIES ONE HUNDRED-SIX TO ONE HUNDRED-EIGHT

G-8's final battle with Goulon!

G-8’s final battle with Goulon!

Balladeer’s Blog resumes its look at the neglected Pulp Hero G-8. This is a story-by- story look at the adventures of this World War One American fighter pilot who – along with his two wingmen the Battle Aces – took on various super-natural and super- scientific menaces thrown at the Allied Powers by the Central Powers of Germany, Austria- Hungary and the Ottoman Muslim Turks.

G-8 was created by Robert J Hogan in 1933 when World War One was still being called simply the World War or the Great War. Over the next eleven years Hogan wrote 110 stories featuring the adventures of G-8, the street-smart pug Nippy Weston and the brawny giant Bull Martin, his two Battle Aces.

Bombs from the Murder Wolves106. BOMBS FROM THE MURDER WOLVES (October 1943) – As the G-8 series nears its end get ready to meet an all-new addition to our hero’s Rogue’s Gallery of foes: Dr Marlott! This mad doctor has his secret laboratory in a swamp where he has been performing macabre experiments on human guinea pigs.

At long last he has succeeded in perfecting his ultimate goal: living “Suicide Men” mutated and shorn of all self-preservation instincts. These Suicide Men will coldly and unfeelingly carry out destructive attacks on the Allied forces, completely unmindful of any potential harm to themselves.

Dr Marlott’s creations are sent forth in conjunction with the Murder Wolves. Those Murder Wolves are larger-than normal Central Powers aircraft which carry huge red bombs with cockpits. The Suicide Men will make these red bombs the ultimate in “smart bombs” by literally piloting them toward Allied planes, making evasive maneuvers nearly hopeless and blowing themselves up along with their targets.

In a way you could say that with this story Robert J Hogan eerily anticipated the Japanese Kamikaze pilots of a few years later.   Continue reading →

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February 13, 2015 · 9:35 pm

LATERS, BABY! I’M OFF TO SEE FIFTY SHADES OF FRIDAY THE 13th: JASON KILLS CHRISTIAN AND ANA

"I'm fifty shades of fucked up!"

“I’m fifty shades of fucked up!”

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February 12, 2015 · 9:52 pm

HOW STUPID IS BARACK OBAMA? THE LATEST EDITION

The confused, uncomprehending face of utter incompetence.

The confused, uncomprehending face of utter incompetence.

Barack Obama’s stupidity is no secret. Hell, just go to youtube and you can find plenty of collections of his dumber pronouncements. What makes Obama’s less-than-bright nature so hilarious is the way he thinks of himself as a Deep Thinker. A pompous ass like him making non-stop blunders as he desperately tries to look down his nose at the world is intensely funny, let’s face it!

This makes him pretty much the epitome of American Liberals, whose hilariously pretentious nature is always good for some laughs. They are all basically Margaret Dumont and the rest of us in the world are all Groucho Marx puncturing their pomposity at will. (If you’re patting yourself on the back for getting that reference and condescendingly assuming that “other people won’t know what he’s referring to” then you might just be a Liberal!)

Some of Little Barry’s latest gems of stupidity include:

Mistakenly claiming that George Washington lived in the White House and having to be corrected by the reporter interviewing him at the time.

Boasting in his State of the Union Address that his disastrous handling of Yemen was a “success”, only to see the situation there immediately crumble all the way up to our recent abandonment of our embassy there. Continue reading →

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February 12, 2015 · 12:06 am

AMERICAN VICE PRESIDENTS: HISTORY’S SECOND BANANAS

John Adams

President’s Day weekend is nearly upon us! This time instead of looking at the chief white-collar criminals in the country I’ll take a look at their Underbosses.

John Adams called the Vice Presidency “the most insignificant office that ever the invention of man contrived.” A very old joke went “Once there were two brothers. One ran away to sea and the other became Vice President. Neither was ever heard from again.” In George S Kaufman’s and Morrie Ryskind’s classic stage work Of Thee I Sing one of the characters turns down an offer to be Vice President because he’s ashamed to have his mother know. He’s persuaded to accept the office when it’s pointed out that if he doesn’t tell her about it she’ll never find out.

The office has featured eminently forgettable figures as well as comic relief buffoons like Dan “The Global Village Idiot” Quayle and Joe “Koo Koo For Cocoa Puffs” Biden. In the light-hearted style of Balladeer’s Blog’s look at U.S. Presidents here’s a look at the men who got to hang around and see if the country’s Chief Executive wound up six feet under. I’m omitting VP’s who went on to actually become President, so no John Adams or Thomas Jefferson, etc.

AARON BURR

Served Under: Jefferson 

Noted for: Shooting dead more Treasury Secretaries and hatching more plots to overthrow the country than any other Vice President.

GEORGE CLINTON

Served Under: Jefferson and Madison

Noted for: Leading American Rebel forces against the British troops of Continue reading →

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February 11, 2015 · 10:34 pm

COLLEGE BASKETBALL RANKINGS FROM BALLADEER’S BLOG

grace college USENCCAA DIVISION ONE –   1. GRACE COLLEGE LANCERS     ###      2. INDIANA WESLEYAN UNIVERSITY WILDCATS     ###      3. CAMPBELLSVILLE UNIVERSITY TIGERS     ###      4. BETHEL (IN) COLLEGE PILOTS (Riverboat Pilots)     ###      5. SHORTER UNIVERSITY HAWKS     ###      

MidAmerica Christian U Evangels6. MID-AMERICA CHRISTIAN UNIVERSITY EVANGELS     ###      7. SOUTHWESTERN ASSEMBLIES OF GOD UNIVERSITY LIONS     ###      8. WARNER UNIVERSITY ROYALS     ###      9. MISSISSIPPI COLLEGE CHOCTAWS     ###      10. LEE UNIVERSITY FLAMES     ###       Continue reading →

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February 11, 2015 · 9:34 pm

MARCH MADNESS STATS WITH BETONSPORTS.COM

March MadnessThe most wonderful time of the year for college hoops fans will soon be upon us once again! How does your team stack up against the competition? Which teams should you seriously consider for your bracket and which ones are overvalued products of hype?

Find out who are the biggest droppers and climbers with this NCAAB rankings and get ready to make sound, well-informed decisions on which teams can navigate their bracket to the Final Four.      

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