A GOLEM BATTLES HAMAS: THE 21st CENTURY GOLEM EPISODE GUIDE

With the psychotic barbarians of Hamas proving once again that Islam is the greatest obstacle to world peace it seemed like a good time for a quick take on each individual episode of the cable series 21st Century Golem. For two seasons that edgy, irreverent show presented Jewish folklore’s clay monster the Golem defending Israeli children and the elderly from blood-crazed Hamas butchers with time out to battle the Muslim Brotherhood and Boko Haram for good measure. The pro-Hamas Barack Obama was the blustering comic-relief villain of the series and the actor portraying him has since been subjected to an IRS audit. Here’s a look at the highest-rated cable series in history!

EPISODE ONE – “21st Century Golem” – In the premier episode a Rabbi in Israel brings the clay monster called the Golem to life to fulfill its usual mission of protecting Jews from the hatemongers who always want them dead. The Golem heroically fights off dozens of murderous Hamas child-killers, but Pallywood – the Hamas propoganda arm – tries to make it seem like the Golem is to blame for all the violence. Barack Obama is the only world leader fooled by this and he calls on the U.N. to denounce Israel, which it does with giddy abandon. FOR THE FULL REVIEW CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2013/10/25/twenty-first-century-golem-new-cable-tv-series/

EPISODE TWO – “Tears Fall From the Sky” – A group of delusional college students from America show up to show their solidarity with Hamas despite Hamas’ misogyny and homophobia. In a possible reference to the real-life Rachel Corrie incident the episode featured the college students summoning up the ghost of a naive young woman who died showing her devotion to terrorism.

This ghost battles the Golem but eventually realizes the error of its ways when the ghost witnesses the Hamas madmen raping and killing the college students who summoned her. The Muslim terrorists were doing so because of the students’ support for women’s rights. The ghost of the slain woman – called “Corinne Smith” in the story – joins the Golem in defeating the Hamas rapists/killers before they can do further harm. FOR THE FULL REVIEW CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2013/11/01/controversy-over-last-nights-halloween-episode-of-21st-century-golem/

EPISODE THREE – “Arafat Lives Again” – Some of the hazardous material that Hamas butchers buy with the humanitarian aide that gets wasted on the Palestinian cause gets stored in Yasser Arafat’s grave. The toxic material causes the dead terrorist’s body to come back to life as a zombie, but one that is just as brain-dead as Arafat was in life. The zombified Ringo Starr look-alike shambles around killing Israeli school children but fleeing in reflexive terror from Israeli soldiers in typical Hamas fashion.

After a lengthy fight with the zombie the Golem tears Arafat’s reanimated corpse limb from limb and feeds the remains to pigs. Comic-relief villain Barack Obama leads the world in denouncing Israel for desecrating Arafat’s corpse. The children the zombie killed are dismissed as “really short Mossad agents” by Obama. FOR THE FULL REVIEW CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2013/11/07/the-golem-battles-the-reanimated-corpse-of-yasser-arafat/

EPISODE FOUR – “Day of the Community Organizer” – In this episode Barack Obama is tired of the Golem humiliating him before the entire world and sends John Kerry in a Pacific Rim– style battle-bot to the Middle East. Kerry’s battle-bot – christened The Community Organizer in a ceremony attended by Kerry’s Middle East consultants Cher and Bette Midler, empowers Kerry to try to overthrow the Egyptian government and reinstate the rule of the Muslim Brotherhood, despite the fact that the Egyptian people don’t want them in power.

The Golem clashes with The Community Organizer in the most destructive special effects-laden episode of the series thus far. In the end the Golem defeats the battle-bot, pulls Kerry out and spanks him, all to the amusement of the rest of the world. FOR THE FULL REVIEW CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2013/11/14/the-golem-in-tonights-episode-its-science-vs-the-supernatural/

EPISODE FIVE – “Marathon” – In the opening part of the two-part Season Finale the Golem is dispatched to Iran to disarm its nuclear program when the Mad Mullahs of that deranged theocracy announce their plans to nuke Israel. Obama mistakenly thinks “Nuke Israel” is a new Israeli superhero and calls on the UN to denounce Israel for creating such a jingoistic superhero. The UN obliges.

Meanwhile the heroic Golem walks his way from Israel to Iran, clobbering all the Muslim terrorist organizations that try to stop him enroute. When the clay monster reaches the Iranian border we get a cliffhanger ending: the Iranian army have strapped children across the mouths of all their tanks and threaten to kill all those children if the Golem comes one step closer. FOR THE FULL REVIEW CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2013/11/22/the-golem-takes-on-the-mad-mullahs-of-iran/

EPISODE SIX – “Atomic Mullahs” – Season One of this irreverent, ultra-violent show ended with this tour-de- force episode. Ingeniously working his way around the delicate situation with the tanks and the children (I won’t spoil it by revealing anything more) the Golem moves on to Tehran where he faces all the sophisticated weaponry the Mad Mullahs have purchased on the international market. None of it proves able to stop our hero, however, and the clay monster succesfully destroys Iran’s nuclear program, thus saving untold millions of lives.

Barack Obama is furious, since he was planning a speech citing the annihilation of Israel as the cornerstone of a lasting peace in the Middle East. The weak little man orders drones equipped with experimental weapons to fire upon the Golem. In the season-ending cliffhanger the valiant clay monster appears to have been blown to bits, leaving viewers on the edge of their seats. FOR THE FULL REVIEW CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2013/11/29/the-controversial-season-finale-of-the-golem/

*** SEASON TWO ***

EPISODE 201 – “Kaiju A-Go-Go” – The second and final season of 21st Century Golem kicked off amid protests from groups like “American Jews Against Israel”, “Democrats Against Jews” and “The Terrorist Protection Fund”. Storywise it turned out the nuclear radiation the Golem had absorbed to save Iranian civilians mingled with the experimental weapons in Obama’s drones and as the dust settled the Golem coalesced into a kaiju-sized figure like Godzilla. While the enormous, disoriented Golem tries to make its way back to Israel while battling the remnants of the Iranian army Obama sends Brandeis University President Frederick Lawrence to the Middle East to battle the gigantic clay monster.

Calling upon the collective mindset of all of the academic world’s apologists for Islam Lawrence himself supernaturally grew to an enormous size and battled the Golem in the Persian Gulf. In the end Lawrence became paralyzed by the realization that he was engaged in something other than a meaningless protest march or hashtag campaign – the only things American Liberals are brave enough to try – and he immediately dropped to his knees in tears. The Golem compassionately spared the weak and timid little man, who shrunk back to normal size before getting beaten and tortured by the Iranian government. FOR THE FULL REVIEW CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2014/04/18/season-two-premier-of-twenty-first-century-golem-airs-tonight/

EPISODE 202 – “Frederick Lawrence of Arabia” – In this episode Barack Obama exchanged 329 high-level terrorists to free the lone Frederick Lawrence from captivity. The spineless Lawrence (actually the actor playing him, of course) wasn’t out of the woods yet and had to participate in Barack’s Operation: Grow A Pair. A brand-new battle-bot, this one several stories high, was constructed by the Obama Administration (though Barry pocketed most of the development funds himself).

Frederick Lawrence was grafted to the insides of the battle-bot’s head to serve as the brains of the construct. In the deserts of the Arabian Peninsula the still-gigantic Golem met this new threat in a Battle Royal and managed to destroy it. FOR THE FULL REVIEW CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2014/04/27/twenty-first-century-golem-last-nights-episode/

EPISODE 203 – “The Golem vs The Sphinx” – In his confused, disorganized homeward wandering the still-gigantic Golem is off-course and arrives in Egypt, the only Middle Eastern nation besides Israel willing to greet him peacefully. The Muslim Brotherhood is still looking to overthrow the Egyptian government so their resident superhero the Mad Mullah crafted a diabolical plan to turn the Egyptian public against the Golem and against the government which welcomed the clay behemoth.

The Mad Mullah caused the Sphinx to come to life and do battle with the Golem, and the sight of the Golem defending himself by beating up the animated stone Sphinx infuriated the Egyptian populace, egged on by the Muslim Brotherhood. An Egyptian secret agent who had infiltrated the Brotherhood exposed the group’s plan, causing the Egyptians to make peace with the Golem. For its part the gigantic clay monster placed the defeated Sphinx back in its original position before moving on in its journey. This episode was a special-effects BLOCKBUSTER! FOR THE FULL REVIEW CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2014/05/04/last-nights-episode-of-twenty-first-century-golem/

EPISODE 204 – “Four Dead in Benghazi” – This controversial episode became internationally renowned because of the Obama administration’s repeated attempts to prevent it from airing and for the way Eric Holder arrested the production team behind the show. Obama was outraged at the way the episode depicted his attempt to avoid political embarrassment during the 2012 presidential campaign by letting the four Americans at Benghazi die. Even worse he then lied about a video causing the violence and covered up the incident.

At any rate, still off-course and befuddled in his gigantic condition the Golem wandered into Libya. The Al Qaeda affiliate in Libya tried to destroy the monster but naturally failed. The paniced terrorists behind the Benghazi attack surrendered to the Golem and offered to testify that the youtube video in 2012 had NOTHING to do with their attack on Benghazi, but crafty Barack Obama had a handy drone kill the terrorists before their surrender could go further. Barry then ordered all of America’s defense satellites targeted on the Golem to destroy it once and for all! FOR THE FULL REVIEW CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2014/05/04/last-nights-episode-of-twenty-first-century-golem/

EPISODE 205 – “Boko Haram Scarum” – The dastardly Barack Obama’s joy at seeing how the Golem was blown into several pieces was short-lived as each fragment of the clay monster wound up growing into individual Golems themselves. This virtual army of Golems began battling Muslim terrorist groups wherever the fragment they had formed from landed. Some had blown throughout Africa, unrealistically enough, and those newly-grown Golems mop the floor with the repulsive Boko Haram.

The army of Golems were also wiping out other Muslim terrorist groups causing Muhammad himself to return from wherever he’s been to try to defeat the multiple Golems. A gigantic, kaiju-sized Muhammad was squaring off against the Golem legions as the episode came to an end. FOR THE FULL REVIEW CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2014/05/25/twenty-first-century-golem-our-hero-mops-the-floor-with-boko-haram/

EPISODE 206 – “Prophet at a Loss” – This episode was the series finale and was superbly handled! The special effects for the battle of the enormous Muhammad and the many Golems were brilliantly rendered. Ultimately the Golems are imprisoned in a giant force-field cage by Muhammad who then turns his destructive eye-beams on wiping out all non-Muslims, with priority given to Jews and gay people. The multiple Golems reconfigure themselves into one gigantic Golem and burst free to engage the enormous Muhammad on its own terms.

After the Golem proves triumphant a huge spaceship arrives bearing aliens who reveal that Muhammad is an insane criminal from their home planet who escaped to Earth hundreds of years ago. He was recaptured but recently escaped once again. The aliens take the extraterrestrial “prophet” with them back to their homeworld bringing this thoroughly iconoclastic series to a close. FOR THE FULL REVIEW CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2014/06/01/surprises-galore-in-last-nights-series-finale-of-twenty-first-century-golem/

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