I WAS A TEENAGE TIME LORD – In the style of Tom Baker & Jon Pertwee Doctor Who episodes and vintage Golden Turkeys of the past with faint undertones of old movie host shows comes this self-indulgent blog post.
Back when I was 12 or 13 years old and was getting heavily into really old, bad movies I combined that interest with my fondness for schlocky original series Doctor Who episodes. The result was much younger me lazily picturing myself in the Big Bug, Cheap Monster and Goofy Alien films from the 1950s or 1960s and earlier.
I never pictured myself as a Teenage Time Lord exactly, I just used that title for this blog post to capture the feel of ridiculous 50s flicks like I Was a Teenage Werewolf, I Was a Teenage Frankenstein and others.
My imaginary character wasn’t an alien from Gallifrey or anything, he was just from Earth of the future and wound up stranded in the past. His futuristic science kept him from aging, and he spent his time helping human beings battle weird menaces.
In other words, whatever actions the hero of the movie was involved in, my imaginary counterpart was really the one doing them, dressed in sunglasses, an Indiana Jones hat and a baggy three-quarter length coat. No TARDIS of course, just the surviving segment of the crashed time machine in which he had traveled to the past, which served as my/ his mobile lab.
Some of the Psychotronic movies in which I used to half-insert my fictional alter ego long, long ago:
FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER (1965) – This black & white film is on many people’s lists of the worst movies ever made, so it was a dream come true for young me. Martian women have been rendered sterile from the radiation of the planet’s nuclear war.
The Red Planet’s Princess Marcuzan, her chief scientist Nadir and some troops have come to Earth, where they abduct nubile women vacationing in Puerto Rico to use as breeding stock. The aliens are opposed by a heroic android astronaut called Frank, supposedly short for First Robot Astronaut Corps.
The half-melted android (after crashing his craft) battles the aliens to save Earth ladies, ultimately fighting the space monster the Martians brought with them. For a couple minutes, anyway.
Sounds like a comedy … stings like a bee! All that plus groovy rock songs, too, in this 79-minute schlocker. Continue reading
FIRE DRILL aka Simulacro de Incendio (1897) – On January 24th of this year, Gabriel Veyre (at left) held the very first exhibition of silent film shorts in Cuban history at a theater in Havana. 
FILM COMMERCIAL FOR LA TROPICAL BEER aka the Missing Sorcerer (1898) – This was the very first film directed by a native Cuban – Jose Esteban Casasús, a noted pioneer of Cuban Cinema. Lasting just under a minute, this short advertised the brewery & product of La Tropical beer and was produced by Cinemataca de Cuba.
CONSTITUTIONAL ASSEMBLY (1901) – A film capturing the 1901 assembly, the equivalent of our Constitutional Convention. Following the defeat of Spain in the Spanish-American War, Cuba produced its first constitution a few years later. That document was openly based on the United States Constitution but had 115 articles instead of America’s 7. 
THE FRENCH CONNECTION (1971) 
CASABLANCA (1942) – Happy Valentine’s Day! A few readers of Balladeer’s Blog have asked me for my opinion on this classic movie so I figured Valentine’s Day was the perfect opportunity. 
Getting back to Casablanca, it’s possibly the greatest “bittersweet ending” romantic flick ever made. I find that it appeals to almost everyone. If you’re young and naïve it can make you ache at the thought of persevering despite your broken heart. If you’re older and cynical it makes you nostalgic for a time when you actually thought a broken heart was the worst thing that could happen to you. 
Joe Namath started life as a Pennsylvania boy. Later in life he became the quarterback for the University of Alabama Crimson Tide under iconic football coach Paul “Bear” Bryant. After college he was signed by the New York Jets for what was then the highest-ever contract for a quarterback. 
NORWOOD (1970) – The stunning sequel to True Grit. Okay, I’m kidding! I couldn’t resist since Norwood came out a year after True Grit, was based on another novel by the author of True Grit and starred Glen Campbell and Kim Darby, also from True Grit. Marguerite Roberts wrote the screenplay for both flicks, too. 
Joe William Namath plays Joe William Reese, a friend of Norwood who sees him become a singing sensation. Also in the strange circle of friends are dwarf actor Billy Curtis and runaway bride Rita (Darby). 
THE BELLE STARR STORY (1968) – (Original title Il Mio Corpo per un Poker) This movie was directed by Lina Wertmuller, making it the only Spaghetti Western directed by a woman. It has nothing to do with the real Belle Starr, but for name recognition you can’t beat that title!
20,000 LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA (1916) – The famous first cinematic adaptation of the Jules Verne classic. Having loved the version of this pioneering 1916 film that was available during the 1990s and earlier I had put off watching the restored and upgraded version released in 2010. 
Personally, I would have preferred that Universal had just produced a shorter 20,000 Leagues film that was all Leagues and nothing but Leagues, then release The Mysterious Island later as a sequel. In 1916 audience expectations were not yet such that movies had to run the 86 to 105 minutes boasted by surviving copies of 20,000 Leagues. 
Here at Balladeer’s Blog I’ve made no secret of the fact that I’m an enormous fan of Bruce Campbell, Sam Raimi, Scott Spiegel, Josh Becker, Robert Tapert and all the rest of the Michigan gang who hit the jackpot with the original The Evil Dead (1981, 1983). Ever since then they’ve starred in, written, and directed countless other movies and television projects like Hercules the Legendary Journeys, Spider-Man, Adventures of Brisco County Jr, you name it. 
CLEVELAND SMITH: BOUNTY HUNTER (1982) – This last of the Michigan Mafia’s short films is among the most accessible and enjoyable. I review the older ones below. As the title indicates, this 9-minute flick was one of the earliest Raiders of the Lost Ark parodies ever made. 
Cleveland Smith: Bounty Hunter plays like a live-action Warner Brothers or Woody Woodpecker cartoon and is a fun watch on that level. The Michigan gang’s infectious enthusiasm carries the comedy short, helped by the “cool” factor of knowing what the gang members went on to achieve in the years ahead. 
As an appreciative shoutout to James Woods, one of the wildfire victims in California, here’s a Balladeer’s Blog look at 8 of his films. 
VIDEODROME (1983) 
BATTLE OF THE JAPAN SEA (1969) – Japan’s Toshiro Mifune led the cast of this Japanese film about their successful naval clashes with Russia during the often-forgotten Russo-Japanese War (February 1904 – September 1905). U.S. servicemen stationed in Japan played the Russians.
On to the film itself. Battle of the Japan Sea employs the approach that moviegoers will recall from The Longest Day, A Bridge Too Far, Midway, even Inchon and others, by having an all-star cast (in the Far East) act out set pieces throughout the scattered fighting. 
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