Balladeer’s Blog takes a look at a baker’s dozen of movies from the 1980s subgenre of Heavy Metal-related horror. Why only thirteen? Because I already reviewed Black Roses and Rocktober Blood years ago.
PAGANINI HORROR (1989) – Directed by Luigi Cozzi, better known to us fans of psychotronic movies as the Italian Ed Wood. Three women and one man constitute a heavy metal band desperate for a hit song. They strike a Faustian bargain with the mysterious Mr. Pickett, played by Donald Pleasence.
Pickett takes their souls as payment for a lost musical composition by the long-dead violin virtuoso Niccolo Paganini. The rockers adapt the piece of music as a heavy metal work and decide to film the song’s music video in a mansion once owned by Paganini himself.
Playing the piece while filming at the mansion causes Paganini to rise from the dead and lets loose other forces of Hell. Those characters not butchered by the masked, undead maestro via a knife that pops out of his violin are slaughtered by the supernatural forces now at large in the house.
Cozzi being Cozzi we also get the kitchen sink in the form of time loops, portals to Hell, family curses, cosmic Lovecraftian concepts and some of the daffiest death scenes imaginable. Some victims die by wood fungus, an inexplicable car fire and even by having invisible walls close in and crush them. Insert your own mime joke here. Continue reading
Balladeer’s Blog resumes its shoutout to the FORTIETH anniversary year of The Texas 27 Film Vault, one of the many Bad Movie Shows since the 1950s. The program debuted on Saturday February 9th, 1985. 
“See how he apes his father” was a saying long associated with contemporary enemies of John Quincy Adams as a complaint about how the younger Adams was as stubborn and single-minded as his father John Adams. He pursued his own ends regardless of political consequences. 
THE CORSICAN BROTHERS (1941) – Another of the many adaptations of the Alexandre Dumas novel that have very little to do with the original storyline. In this case the tale was transformed into an action-packed sword-fighting, gun blazing, hell-for-leather chase vehicle for Doug Jr. 
Each grows into a man of action, Lucien as a bandit chief and Mario as a dueling, gambling ladies’ man. When they are reunited they set out to bring down the man who massacred their family – Baron Colonna (Akim Tamiroff), now the tyrannical ruler of Corsica. 
OGROFF aka The Mad Mutilator (1983) – This thoroughly bizarre French movie whose maker somehow conned horror icon Howard Vernon into appearing is easily one of the worst films ever made. Norbert G. Moutier owned a video store in France and published a horror fanzine. 
Today, actor and director John Derek is remembered mostly because of his wives – Bo Derek, Ursula Andress, Linda Evans and Pati Behrs. 
ROGUES OF SHERWOOD FOREST (1950) – John starred as Robin, Earl of Huntington, the son of Robin Hood. When Richard the Lionheart passes away in 1199 A.D. King John (George Macready) returns to his old ways of oppressing and heavily taxing the citizens. He also imports an army of foreign mercenaries faithful only to him, not England. 
SCREAMBOOK (1984) – Ever see a feature length horror film written, produced and directed by a 13-year-old? And with nearly all the roles – of all ages – played by fellow teenagers? Obviously, I’ll be grading this flick on a curve in this review. 
THE DEATHMASTER (1972) – In between his pair of movies as the vampire named Count Yorga the one and only Robert Quarry starred as a vampiric Charles Manson wannabe in this film. The Deathmaster starts out with a great bit that wouldn’t look out of place in a Jean Rollin horror flick from France: the huge, hulking Barbado (Le Sesne Hilton) plays eerie flute music, seemingly luring ashore a sea-tossed coffin. This casket holds our “Deathmaster” – a vampire called Khorda. 
MARS PATROL (1953-1955) – At age 19 – and already smiling like somebody just broke his jaw – the go-getting Winston Conrad “Wink” Martindale was the star of 514 episodes of Memphis’ weekday show Mars Patrol. (Ignore the incorrect IMDb entry which lists him as the star of just 1 episode. Memphis newspapers and Martindale himself recount how he starred in the entire series.) 
Martindale and the diminutive Mars Guard members wielded ray-guns in their adventures and also hosted episodes of old Flash Gordon and other space serials of the past, making Wink a kind of movie host variant as well. The young fans of Mars Patrol could write in and join the show’s Star Dodgers Club, complete with Captain Martindale photos and other merchandise. 
SERIAL: Before showing and mocking the movie machine-gun toting Randy and Richard, as members of the fictional Film Vault Corps (“the few, the proud, the sarcastic”) showed and mocked another chapter of the Republic Serial Radar Men from the Moon (1952).
THE MOVIE: Blood Beach (1980) was one of the least effective horror films of the 1980s. It had a half-decent premise – a monster beneath the sand at a California beach sucking victims down into its hellish maw – but squandered that premise with incredibly slow pacing. 
WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS (1971) – You just knew this was the movie I would start with. A biker gang hassles a group of Satanists in the usual biker way in films. The Satanists get revenge by cursing some of the bikers to start turning into werewolves and preying on the others. 
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