WAR OF THE WORLDS (2025) – A new chapter has been added to the history of H.G. Wells adaptations. Ice Cube stars in Amazon’s feature-length product placement for itself. In a moment of Cosmic Comedy, Amazon straight-facedly attached the tagline “It’s worse than you think” to this flick.
Yes, obviously that was meant in the sense that the crisis involving invading aliens is worse than you think, but my God you’d have to be an idiot or have the proverbial balls the size of church bells to approve that tagline for your own company’s movie production.
Master thespian Ice Cube stars as a government surveillance operative who abuses his position to violate people’s civil rights all day long while also obsessively spying on his own family members on taxpayer time. AND HE’S OUR SUPPOSED HERO!
Ice Cube Makes Faces should have been this thing’s title, since he does nothing but sit in a chair exercising his facial muscles while spending face time with us and absurdly playing his Big Brother Will Protect You role to the hilt. And lest you fear that this adaptation will be less than faithful to the source material, the filmmakers even included the part where one of H.G. Wells’ characters says “Get your skinny ass over there!”
I now want to see an entire Cinematic Universe of Ice Cube starring in movies made from H.G. Wells stories. I’m sure the Invisible Man’s reaction to his condition would be something like “DAAAMN!” Continue reading
YANKEE BUCCANEER (1952) – An enjoyable movie but one which throws history out the window in the mind-boggling way that only Hollywood could manage! The real-life American naval heroes David Porter (Jeff Chandler) and David Farragut (Scott Brady) are presented fighting Caribbean pirates during the early 1820s. 
Our heroes become romantic rivals for Countess Margarita La Raguna (Suzan Ball, Lucille’s cousin) as the movie ignores the fascinating REAL relationships between the Porter and Farragut families. Still, Yankee Buccaneer is fun, and naturally the good guys win. David Janssen, Michael Ansara and Tonto himself, Jay Silverheels, co-star. 86 minutes.
Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault, which debuted on February 9th, 1985. 
GARTER COLT (1968) – Previously, I reviewed the Spaghetti Western 
And naturally the low-cut outfits worn by Lulu and supporting character Rosy (Marisa Solinas) allow for additional alluring shots. 
Our story is set in 1867 as Mexican rebels are on the verge of overthrowing and executing Emperor Maximilian, the Austrian dictator imposed on them by Napoleon the Third while America was too busy with its Civil War to be able to enforce the Monroe Doctrine. Other Spaghetti Westerns, like 
Richard Denning is best remembered as the relentlessly affable Governor Paul Jameson on the original Hawaii 5-0 series. He made 74 appearances on that cop show but had previously filled starring roles in other television programs like Mr. and Mrs. North, The Flying Doctor, Michael Shayne and Karen. 
UNKNOWN ISLAND (1948) 
SEA DEVILS (1953) – As England and other nations battle France in 1800, English Captain Gilliatt (Rock Hudson) has abandoned his career as a fisherman to become a smuggler. He excels at the task and over the past few years he and his ship the Sea Devil have gained quite a reputation. 
Amid much swordplay and other action during frequent trips across the Channel, Gilliatt struggles to keep her alive and understand the motives of this beautiful woman with whom he has fallen in love. 
PAGANINI HORROR (1989) – Directed by Luigi Cozzi, better known to us fans of psychotronic movies as the Italian Ed Wood. Three women and one man constitute a heavy metal band desperate for a hit song. They strike a Faustian bargain with the mysterious Mr. Pickett, played by Donald Pleasence. 
Playing the piece while filming at the mansion causes Paganini to rise from the dead and lets loose other forces of Hell. Those characters not butchered by the masked, undead maestro via a knife that pops out of his violin are slaughtered by the supernatural forces now at large in the house. 
Balladeer’s Blog resumes its shoutout to the FORTIETH anniversary year of The Texas 27 Film Vault, one of the many Bad Movie Shows since the 1950s. The program debuted on Saturday February 9th, 1985. 
“See how he apes his father” was a saying long associated with contemporary enemies of John Quincy Adams as a complaint about how the younger Adams was as stubborn and single-minded as his father John Adams. He pursued his own ends regardless of political consequences. 
THE CORSICAN BROTHERS (1941) – Another of the many adaptations of the Alexandre Dumas novel that have very little to do with the original storyline. In this case the tale was transformed into an action-packed sword-fighting, gun blazing, hell-for-leather chase vehicle for Doug Jr. 
Each grows into a man of action, Lucien as a bandit chief and Mario as a dueling, gambling ladies’ man. When they are reunited they set out to bring down the man who massacred their family – Baron Colonna (Akim Tamiroff), now the tyrannical ruler of Corsica. 
OGROFF aka The Mad Mutilator (1983) – This thoroughly bizarre French movie whose maker somehow conned horror icon Howard Vernon into appearing is easily one of the worst films ever made. Norbert G. Moutier owned a video store in France and published a horror fanzine. 
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