Tag Archives: movie reviews

A SHOGGOTH ON THE ROOF (2000)

mockumentary shoggoth on the roofA SHOGGOTH ON THE ROOF (2000) – This comedic short film is a 19 1/2-minute mock documentary from the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society. It was a very early effort to mimic the Found Footage approach of the previous year’s Blair Witch Project and centered around a fictional musical parody of Fiddler on the Roof using Shoggoth monsters plus other characters and situations from H.P. Lovecraft’s horror tales.

shoggoth setThe tongue in cheek story began with found film footage of what appeared to be stage rehearsals for the nonexistent musical A Shoggoth on the Roof. A tape of that footage was received by members of the H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society, who then set out to investigate its bona fides while filming their own efforts in mock documentary style.

As the short movie rolls along, it becomes clear that something horrific happened to shut down the Other Gods Theater’s 1979 attempt at staging the musical before it could even debut. Finding the survivors of that ill-fated production proves difficult and getting them to talk proves even harder. Continue reading

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DEATH GAME (1977) – MICRO-REVIEW

death game picDEATH GAME (1977) – Also released under the title The Seducers, this horror movie/ psychological thriller was filmed in 1974 but not released until 1977 due to assorted legal entanglements. Sondra Locke and cult queen Colleen Camp starred with Seymour Cassell in this thoroughly bizarre exploitation movie.

Death Game was remade decades later as Knock Knock starring Keanu Reeves. The 1970s original may have been a trippy exploitation flick which spotlighted titillation and violence but so was the Eli Roth remake. And the original actually feels more honest and less cringe because it lacks the corporate cinematic feel of the Keanu Reeves movie, despite Locke co-producing and Camp making a cameo appearance.   

death game posterAfter the oft-invoked nonsense about the film being based on a true story Death Game begins.

Two predatory young women, Agatha Jackson (Sondra Locke) and Donna (Colleen Camp) insinuate themselves into the home of 40 year old George Manning (Seymour Cassell) on a rainy night when his wife and family are out of town. After seducing him they refuse to leave and behave in increasingly menacing and psychotic ways, subjecting him to physical and psychological abuse. Continue reading

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CHROME AND HOT LEATHER (1971)

chrome-and-hot-leatherCHROME AND HOT LEATHER (1971) THE Marvin Gaye made his big-screen debut in this relentlessly absurd example of the bad biker films of the 1960s and 1970s.

When a Green Beret’s fiancee (played by THE Cheryl Ladd) is killed he and some of his service buddies pose as bikers to track down the motorcycle gang responsible for her death.

Words cannot describe how enjoyably awful this movie is from start to finish. Continue reading

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THE AFTERMAN (1985) – SCI-FI/ HORROR

aftermanTHE AFTERMAN (1985) – Balladeer’s Blog’s Weirdness at the End of the World category of movies returns with this bizarre little honey. The Afterman also marks the return of my sub-category “Those Darn Belgians.” Yes, just like Rabid Grannies this flick was created in Belgium.

Written and directed by Rob Van Eyck, The Afterman is in color but features no dialogue outside of periodic screams and groans. You might think that qualifies this roughly 90 minute movie as an Arthouse Film, and many people do. I would instead call it a sleazy and exploitative blend of The People Who Own the Dark, Finis Homini and Quest for Fire.

afterman posterThe story opens up in the year 2011. For twenty years our lead character, called simply the Man, has been living in a high-tech bomb shelter. The shelter was stocked with plenty of aerosol spray-food from “futuristic” 1991, when the nukes fell. Elaborate security cameras and leftover news reels have been almost the only diversions the Man has had for two decades, aside from drawing sketches.

The “almost” leads us to my need to let readers with more conventional tastes know that this is ANOTHER of those weirdass movies that would likely gross you out physically and prove morally repugnant. I’m never sure if these warnings make people avoid reviews like this or drive people TO read them, but here we go – DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU WANT TO AVOID DISTURBING DETAILS. Continue reading

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BIG ZAPPER (1973) AND ZAPPER’S BLADE OF VENGEANCE (1974)

Big ZapperBIG ZAPPER (1973) – Linda Marlowe stars as Harriet Zapper, a two-fisted private investigator, in this first of two Zapper movies directed by Balladeer’s Blog’s old friend Lindsay Shonteff. If they ever build a Museum of Britsploitation Films, Shonteff will have an entire wing dedicated to him.

In the past I’ve covered Lindsay’s various pale imitations of the James Bond movies – Number One of the Secret Service, The Man From S.E.X., Number One Gun, The 2nd Best Secret Agent in the Whole Wide World and others.

harriet with gunOften forgotten were the man’s pair of films about a virtual “Dirty Harriet” with sexy Linda Marlowe as the lead. I’ve read some reviews that bash Marlowe’s performance as Harriet Zapper but all I can say is those critics must never have seen Lindsay Shonteff’s other film projects. NO actor can come off looking talented under Shonteff’s direction.

Big Zapper finds millionaire Jeremiah Horn (Jack May) hiring Harriet Zapper to find his missing son and daughter. Harriet dives into the investigation and learns that both of the teens were murdered by the criminal organization of a psychotic gangster called Kono (perennial Shonteff villain Gary Hope). Continue reading

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FORCE OF LIGHT ENTERTAINMENT: TWO LADIES WITH HOT TAKES

michelle and natalieMeet Michelle and Natalie, the two pop culture reviewers whose YT Channel is called Force of Light Entertainment. The ladies offer reviews and commentary on current day big movies and television shows, in contrast with Balladeer’s Blog’s examination of productions from the (often distant) past.

force of light entertainmentMichelle and Natalie try to stay positive when they can, and avoid the more sarcastic approach that I employ. When they do have to jump into cultural commentary depending on the item being reviewed, they push back against SJW idiocy and censorship. Below is a sample of the two sisters’ approach as they express their displeasure with an episode of The Book of Boba Fett.

To subscribe to the ladies’ channel (where their brother Michael sometimes drops by) click HERE.

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MR NO LEGS (1978)

mr no legsMR NO LEGS (1978) – Ted Vollrath, a Korean War veteran who lost his legs due to injuries he suffered during the conflict, became a multiple black belt in martial arts disciplines and established Martial Arts for the Handicapable Incorporated in 1971. In addition to appearing in a documentary titled Let Me Live In Your World he starred as a scene-stealing badass in Mr No Legs, which was also released under titles like Killers Die Hard, Pushers Die Hard, Dope Runners Die Hard and the much less descriptive Gun Fighter.   

Mr No Legs is nowhere near as outrageous as the Hong Kong kung fu movies Crippled Masters, Crippled Heroes and Crippled Avengers, nor is it as exploitative as those flicks. Vollrath plays Lou, the title character, whose wheelchair is equipped with built-in shotguns in the arm rests and Ninja stars connected to the wheels.

mr no legs titleLou himself is deadly in or out of his chair, as he is highly skilled with knives and handguns, but his most dangerous trait is the way he can use his muscular, toned body to kick the butts of all comers in unarmed combat. Lou’s status as the enforcer and hit man for a Tampa drug lord has earned him big money and a buxom blonde lady who sees to his various needs.

A real-life multiple amputee with a James Bond-gimmicked wheelchair and mastery of karate would be enough to ensure Mr No Legs a spot in Psychotronic movie Valhalla, but the film offers so much more.

Consider the following: Continue reading

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HUNTERWALI (1935, 1988) AND A REQUEST FOR HELP

Hunterwali in action

hunterwaliFor several years here at Balladeer’s Blog I have been trying to track down, watch and review all of the film versions of Hunterwali (Whip-wielding Woman), Bollywood Cinema’s butt-kicking masked female heroine. Often glibly dismissed as a female Zorro, there is much more cultural context to the Hunterwali figure – contextual significance that goes beyond the particular time period of each film version.

hunterwali picThus far I have been able to watch the 1935 original, which starred the actress billed as “Fearless Nadia” in India, and the 1988 Hunterwali. I have had no luck tracking down the 1959, 1972, 1977 and 2017 movie versions. Nor have I been able to buy the 1943 film, Hunterwali Ki Beti (Hunterwali’s Daughter), the very first sequel movie in Indian entertainment history.

Hunterwali upper handThe basics of the Hunterwali story involve Princess Madhuri adopting a masked, whip-wielding and stunt-riding identity to combat the many injustices inflicted on the kingdom by her father’s evil Vazier Ranamal. That villain even imprisons the king and lusts after Madhuri, little realizing she is really the swashbuckling “protector of the poor and punisher of evildoers” called Hunterwali. Continue reading

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DEATH MACHINES (1976) BAD MOVIE REVIEW

death machines

This poster bears absolutely NO resemblance to anything that’s actually in the movie.

DEATH MACHINES (1976) – Balladeer’s Blog’s old friend Ron Marchini is back! Just two years after sharing the screen with the Wizard of Odd Leo Fong in Murder in the Orient, Marchini produced this film in which he, Michael Chong and Joshua Johnson portrayed lobotomized living thralls who kill on command.

Paul Kyriazi directed and co-wrote Death Machines, a movie which has decent production values and always looks as if it’s a professional project, but is hilariously let down by the acting, writing, fight choreography and special effects.

Madame LeeOur story begins with the villainous Madame Lee (Mari Honjo), the Asian field boss of a criminal empire, observing a demonstration of her outfit’s new martial arts assassins in action. Ron Marchini IS White Death Machine, Michael Chong brings to life Asian Death Machine and Joshua Johnson wows as Black Death Machine. That’s exactly how our title trio are listed in the credits, by the way. Continue reading

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LEONARD NIMOY’S BOXING MOVIE: KID MONK BARONI (1952)

kid monk baroniKID MONK BARONI (1952) – It’s not Rocky, it’s Spocky! Leonard Nimoy made his film debut in this half-assed, cliche-filled and trope-ridden mess of a movie.

Nimoy plays Paul Baroni aka Kid Monk Baroni, a street-fighting tough guy whose belligerence stems from his mild deformity and the scorn that it brings him.

nimoy fake noseIn lieu of prosthetic ears, Kid Monk Baroni finds Leonard sporting a prosthetic nose for a large part of the film, thus depicting the “ugliness” which drives his hostile urges. Paul Baroni has become a leader of sorts for his pack of juvenile delinquents called the Billy Goat Gang, an inferior imitation of Leo Gorcey and Huntz Hall’s Bowery Boys/ Dead End Kids/ Little Tough Guys and all the other names they used over the years. Continue reading

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