Category Archives: Bad and weird movies

BRIDE OF WILLIAM SHATNER: EIGHT FILMS

marcy laffertyAudiences thrilled to Son of William Shatner. They were chilled by Revenge of William Shatner. And they were both charmed AND slightly turned-on by Bride of William Shatner.

All of which is Balladeer’s Blog’s roundabout way of introducing this quick look at some of the screen appearances of Marcy Lafferty-Shatner, who was married to the legend from 1973-1996.   

paper manPAPER MAN (1971) – Marcy’s appearance in this telefilm was B.S. (Before Shatner). Paper Man starred Dean Stockwell, Stefanie Powers, Tina Chen and Ross Elliott. Marcy played an unnamed secretary.

The plot involved college friends abusing early computer technology to create a non-existent “paper man” just so they could get a credit card in that name and go on a quick spending spree with no accountability.

Things get eerie when the non-existent person they created seems to be tracking them down and killing them one by one.     Continue reading

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OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN IN TOOMORROW (1970)

Olivia Newton-John has passed away. In memoriam here is my 2020 review of her 1970 film Toomorrow, which went unreleased for several years due to legal battles. 

ToomorrowTOOMORROW (1970) – What is one part Monkees episode, one part Frankie & Annette Beach Movie, one part Help!, one part Donny & Marie in Goin’ Coconuts, one part KISS Meets The Phantom of the Park and one part Beyond the Valley of the Dolls? The answer is Toomorrow, the infamous Don Kirshner/ Val Guest cult movie with a then-unknown Olivia Newton-John in a starring role.

The aim was to launch a new pre-fab pop band like the Monkees, but this time consisting of an Aussie (Newton-John of course), a Brit (Vic Cooper), an African-American (Karl Chambers) and a white American (Benny Thomas).   

Olivia sings and also dances around the guys while they play, Benny plays the guitar, Karl is the drummer and Vic plays the keyboard AND his special invention called a Tonalizer. The band is called Toomorrow because, as Karl observes, they are “Too much! Too-Morrow!”

Toomorrow 2We’re told that Vic’s Tonalizer is what gives Toomorrow its special “sound.” How special is that sound? So special that its unique vibrations can revive the stagnant culture of an alien race that’s facing decay and collapse. It seems the aliens’ own musical output has grown stale because they have long since progressed beyond the troublesome “emotions” and “heart” that Toomorrow’s members pour into their songs. 

Buy this movie for the Sandbaggers or Dalgleish fan in your life, because Roy “Neil Burnside” Marsden co-stars as Alpha, the captain of the aliens’ spaceship. His forever-terse voice is unmistakable despite the – admittedly competent – makeup and prosthetic effects for the ET’s (above right). Continue reading

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MURDERCYCLE (1999)

murdercycle posMURDERCYCLE (1999) – Okay, I want a Ghost Rider vs Murdercycle film! ESPECIALLY with Nicolas Cage as Ghost Rider. Anyway, despite the title, this movie is a nice throwback to the days before so many low-budget filmmakers were trying to be intentionally over-the-top and campy with their productions and titles in hopes of garnering sales from a reputation for being so-bad-it’s-good.

Flicks like Suburban Sasquatch, Rubber, Lycan Colony and the Birdemic sequels take some of the joy out of bad movies in my opinion with their calculated awfulness. I prefer to soak in films that were trying to be straightforward but whose creative teams lacked the budget or the talent to fulfill the production’s potential.

Murdercycle was at least played straight without those constant winks and nods from the cast like we get in so many would-be Psychotronic movies today. The only cutesy in-joke comes from the names of several characters and it’s never acknowledged by the dialogue (see below).

the murdercycleLet’s take this from the top – an object from space lands near a Top Secret government facility concealed within a seeming shack in the middle of nowhere. It’s not a meteor but an alien weapon and when a man on a dirt bike draws near the fallen object he falls victim to its jack-in-the-box/ face-hugger tech.

In a bit of business that put me in mind of the 1980s Bruce Campbell movie Moon Trap, the alien device fuses with the nameless biker AND his motorcycle. The result is a deadly biomechanical entity that is part humanoid, part motorcycle and part alien Terminator. We have our Murdercycle!         Continue reading

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RAIDERS OF ATLANTIS (1983) – GUILTY PLEASURE

raiders of atlantisRAIDERS OF ATLANTIS (aka ATLANTIS INTERCEPTORS) – This 1983 Italian film is my guiltiest of guilty pleasures. Even though it’s directed by horror legend Ruggero Deodato, Raiders of Atlantis combines science fiction and horror with testosterone-fueled action in a Pulp Magazine premise that makes for fun, mindless escapism.

There’s just something about this flick that almost feels like it’s an early adventure of the characters from the later film Predator. In fact, it’s basically a smorgasbord of elements from Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Road Warrior, Tom Baker-era Doctor Who and the siege scenes from any number of Italian zombie movies. And needless to say, the fate of the world is at stake.

chris and tonyChristopher Connelly stars as mercenary Mike Ross, a Vietnam War veteran who does any dangerous and dirty job for the right amount of money. Tony King is his black fellow mercenary who used to go by Washington but has recently converted to Islam and now calls himself Mohammed.

Believe it or not, Connelly and King have definite chemistry and their Butch & Sundance camaraderie carries the entire movie. In the sort of teaser opening that James Bond and Indiana Jones films feature, our two leads pull off the abduction of a reclusive crime lord in Miami amid a lot of bullets and punches. Continue reading

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INVASION FROM INNER EARTH (1974)

invasion from inner earth saucer

invasion from inner earthINVASION FROM INNER EARTH (1974) – This hilariously bad science fiction film was one of the early efforts from Bill Rebane, whose low budget movies were to Wisconsin what Larry Buchanan and his productions were to Texas. Invasion from Inner Earth is a perfect example of “so bad it’s good” filmmaking … for the first half hour or so. After that the story drags on agonizingly and the apparently improvised dialogue pushes your sanity to the breaking point.

A disease has been killing off human beings by the millions while the aliens who unleashed the disease further torment humanity with red smoke bombs and buzz attacks from their flying saucers. Scattered pockets of people have survived but most of those groups seem absurdly unfazed by the apocalyptic events that are unfolding.

invasion posterSome news broadcasts take the events seriously but others present the victims of the chaos as bone-headed rubes deserving of ridicule. We are even shown viewers laughing at these victims but we never understand why, since the Earth is obviously under attack with millions of dead and missing. At no time are we shown the mockers getting their comeuppance for their smirking callousness despite how wrong they are. It’s that kind of movie. Continue reading

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THREE MORE HARD TO FIND FILMS

Here is Balladeer’s Blog second look at some of the films I have thus far not been able to find and review. Any help anyone could offer would be appreciated. For the first list of five click HERE.

onceONCE (1973) – Written and directed by Morton Heilig, Once is a 100 minute experimental film with no dialogue, just pantomime performances by the lone three actors. Chris Mitchum of all people portrays Creation, Jim Malinda plays Destruction and Marta Kristen co-stars as Humanity. Some may describe the movie as a Biblical parable but actually it reflects concepts from Zoroastrianism, Iroquois myths and other belief systems in addition to Christianity and Judaism.

The story is set on what is supposed to be a desert island as Creation washes ashore and begins creating increasingly sophisticated life-forms. Destruction attempts to create life of its own but fails, so out of envy and spite it brings destruction on the life brought into being by Creation.  Continue reading

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SEVEN ODD MOVIES FOR NATIONAL VCR DAY

June 7th is National VCR Day! Balladeer’s Blog marks the occasion with some very brief takes on old VHS movies that I’ll probably never find the time to write full-length reviews about.

deadly spawnTHE DEADLY SPAWN (1983) – This film is also known as The Alien’s Deadly Spawn. If you’re into less appreciated splatter flicks this is the movie for you! Diminutive creatures (ignore the poster) from outer space terrorize a neighborhood while literally chewing their way through anything in their way, including human bodies. The gore effects are graphic but not extreme, the acting ranges from awful to average and the creature designs may be cheap but the overall package makes this a cult classic. And watch out for that final stinger! 

TRIUMPH OF THE CHAMPIONS OF JUSTICE (1974) – Another movie in the Campeones Justicieros series from Mexico. Blue Demon, Superzan and the White Phantom are back in action, aided by Elsa Cardenas as Venus. In their usual way, these wrestlers/ pulp heroes/ superheroes are clashing with their foe Black Hand and a group of evil midgets from another planet (or dimension, it’s hard to tell sometimes). And did I mention that for most of the run time the midgets are INVISIBLE while kidnapping Earth women? Lucha Libre the way it was meant to be – hard-hitting, Dutch-angled and barely coherent! Continue reading

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IF FOOTMEN TIRE YOU, WHAT WILL HORSES DO? (1971) – BAD MOVIE

I’ve gotten e-mails asking that I review this movie but I already did in 2010. It’s been on my Bad Movie page here: https://glitternight.com/bad-movies/

If Footmen Tire youIF FOOTMEN TIRE YOU, WHAT WILL HORSES DO? (1971) – Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following.    

No, it’s not about Quentin Tarantino and pre-Castro Havana nightclubs (Thank you, I’m here all week!) it’s really a Cold War-era warning about what would happen if Communists took over the United States. It’s from Ron Ormond, best known for the bad movie classic Mesa Of Lost Women before he found religion and hooked up with the Reverend Estus W Pirkle for films like this one.

If Footmen Tire you 2Pirkle serves as the narrator of this quirky little mess, ranting on and on in his over-the-top way about how the USA has turned away from the Bible and will suffer the consequences. He’s like a combination of Criswell in Plan 9 From Outer Space and the sermonizing narrator from Blood Freak (qv).

In one of his enjoyably bizarre tangents before he gets to the Soviet conquest of America he also speaks out on the “evils” of dancing, which he calls ”The front door to adultery! What starts on the dance floor is expected to be finished later.” He even says dancing is “as immoral as it has always been”. Continue reading

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5 HARD-TO-FIND FILMS

Here at Balladeer’s Blog I review a lot of very obscure movies. This is a look at some of the films I have thus far not been able to find. Any help anyone could offer would be appreciated.

michel auder cleopatraMICHEL AUDER’S CLEOPATRA (1970) – It’s weirdness squared in this overlooked flick which Michel Auders directed utilizing assorted Andy Warhol menagerie figures in the cast. Auder himself played Caesar, with modern-day Rome as the seat of his empire. Viva portrayed Cleopatra with her domain of Egypt being set in the modern-day state of New York with snowmobiles as horses. Yes, it’s one of THOSE kinds of films.

The cast members improvised their way through the storyline, so I will say again “Yes, it’s one of THOSE kinds of films”. Among the cast were Nico, Ultra Violet, Ondine, Louis Waldon and Taylor Mead. Keep your eyes peeled for the one and only Christopher Walken.      Continue reading

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THE SECRET OF THE MUMMY (1982, 1983) – MOVIE REVIEW

o segredo da mumiaTHE SECRET OF THE MUMMY (1982, 1983) – This Brazilian horror film was released as O Segredo da Mumia in 1982 and with English subtitles as The Secret of the Mummy in 1983. It was directed by the one and only Ivan Cardoso aka Ivan the Terrible to fans.

That nickname was not an insult but was a sincere compliment to the cult horror film director, playing on the real-life Ivan the Terrible and his frightful reputation. Cardoso previously served as an Assistant Director to Brazil’s King of Horror – Coffin Joe himself! (For my look at eight Coffin Joe films click HERE.)

mummy 1982The Secret of the Mummy is a terrific starting point for Ivan’s movies, whether you’re interested in foreign cinema or looking for a change of pace in a mummy flick. It’s also a good introduction to his eccentric style – frequent changes between black & white footage and color footage, riffs on global cinema and periodic insertions of bizarre sex comedy. Continue reading

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