STILL MORE MOCK TRUMP HEADLINES

The emotional cripples who hate President Trump really are hiring PROFESSIONAL HUGGERS to comfort them. I delayed writing about that for the longest time because it sounded like something from the Onion. It IS the truth as it turns out. 

It may be impossible to satirize these irrational haters, but I’m still willing to try, with yet another list of mock headlines.

DEMOCRATS CALL FOR ANTIFA TO BE NAMED THEIR PARTY’S OFFICIAL DEATH SQUADS 

NOT ONE NEW STATE HAS BEEN ADDED TO THE UNION UNDER PRESIDENT TRUMP

DEATH BY VIOLENCE WAS UNHEARD OF UNTIL PRESIDENT TRUMP

NEW SUPERDY-DUPERTY POLL SHOWS ONE HUNDRED NINETY-SEVEN PERCENT OF AMERICANS DISAPPROVE OF PRESIDENT TRUMP

DEMOCRATS CALL FOR EVERY MAN, WOMAN AND CHILD IN THE WORLD TO BE GRANTED THE RIGHT TO VOTE IN AMERICAN ELECTIONS

PRESIDENT TRUMP INFURIATES THE WORLD BY DENYING PEOPLE IN OTHER COUNTRIES THEIR HUMAN RIGHT TO VOTE IN AMERICAN ELECTIONS 

PEOPLE WHO QUESTION WHY PEOPLE IN OTHER COUNTRIES SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO VOTE IN AMERICAN ELECTIONS MUST BE WHITE SUPREMACISTS

EVERYONE WHO OBJECTS TO BEING CALLED A WHITE SUPREMACIST MUST BE A WHITE SUPREMACIST

TRUMP CALLED UPON TO CONDEMN ICKY STUFF IN STRONGER TERMS OR BE BRANDED AN ICKY STUFF SUPREMACIST

THE WORLD WAS A PARADISE BEFORE PRESIDENT TRUMP WAS ELECTED

TEACHER’S UNIONS FURIOUS THAT TRUMP RIDICULED THEIR LESSON PLANS DEPICTING HIM AS THE ANTICHRIST