Tag Archives: movie reviews

CHRISTMAS CAROL-A-THON 2016 BEGINS: FRENCH TV VERSION (1984)

TF1 logo

TF1 in France

Yes, regular readers know that the Friday after Thanksgiving every year kicks off this tradition! Balladeer’s Blog’s 7th annual Christmas Carol-A- Thon begins with one of the most visually enticing versions ever made. Unfortunately, it’s also virtually impossible to obtain for people who lack my nearly psychotic drive to track these things down.

TF1 Television in France first aired this version of A Christmas Carol, which could be described as a Carol for the arthouse crowd. Not a put-down OR a compliment, just an observation.

The performances are even more low-key than in the George C Scott version and the direction, by Pierre Boutron, is very inventive, bordering on a surrealist approach .The overall effect is like A Very Jean Cocteau Christmas or something. 

As with the Spanish Leyenda de Navidad this French production keeps the story in 1843 London and stars Michel Bouquet as Scrooge and Pierre Olaf as Bob Cratchit.

This 90 minute version of the Carol is one of the tiny handful that depict Scrooge at Marley’s funeral, like the 1969 Australian cartoon version. Marley’s Ghost has the look of a bearded badass, but delivers his warning to Scrooge with a cold and calculating air that is almost more chilling than Continue reading

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LEFTOVERS: NEGLECTED BAD MOVIES

The day after Thanksgiving means two things: college football and leftovers.

WavelengthWAVELENGTH (1983) – Robert Carradine, Cherrie Currie and Keenan Wynn play a reclusive rock singer, his new girlfriend and his eccentric neighbor who get caught up in a government coverup about extraterrestrial life.

Captured aliens telepathically contact Cherrie Currie’s character and plead to be rescued from the government facility where they are being held. Our heroic trio attempt to save them only to discover the aliens may have brought a world-destroying disease with them. CLICK HERE 

Scorpion Thunderbolt 2SCORPION THUNDERBOLT (1983) – From Balladeer’s Blog’s old friend Godfrey Ho comes this horror film that has absolutely NOTHING to do with either scorpions OR thunderbolts.

As always Godfrey Ho edits some of his newly-shot footage of fading action star Richard Harrison into an odd and bloody Asian movie. Get ready for snake-monsters who walk on two legs, a High Priestess with claws like Freddy Krueger’s razored glove, a blind night watchman (seriously) and kung-fu fights for no good reason. CLICK HERE
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TALES OF THE THIRD DIMENSION (1984)

tales-of-the-3rd-dimensionTALES OF THE THIRD DIMENSION (1984) was yet another of the six 3D movies released in the 1980s by Balladeer’s Blog’s old friend Earl Owensby. Earl was known as “The Dixie DeMille” since he and his film company operated almost exclusively out of North Carolina. To me he’s always seemed more like Roger Corman, however, since Owensby’s flicks were mostly just unpretentious B Movies made with so little money they were guaranteed to turn a profit. 

Many of Earl’s film ventures are okay time-wasters but horror was definitely not his forte. Previously I reviewed three of Owensby’s other gems of Bad Movie Goodness: Wolfman, A Day of Judgment and Dogs of Hell. Recently I finally got a chance to watch his horror anthology Tales of the Third Dimension.  

Let’s start with the title. Since we live in a 3-dimensional universe there is nothing eerie or macabre about anything from “the third dimension.” Usually movies reference the fourth or fifth dimension. And that brings us to the film’s biggest problem: it seems to be an attempt at horror-comedy, like some of the elements in the Creepshow movies. That being said I guess it’s possible that the title was supposed to be a joke … kind of.  Continue reading

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THE VISITOR (1979)

The Visitor

THE VISITOR (1979) – This Italian-made movie deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following so I’m surprised that it’s still com-paratively unknown. The film is directed by “Michael J Paradise” (Giulio Paradisi) and features appearances by such name stars as Franco Nero, Glenn Ford, Lance Henriksen, Shelley Winters, John Huston, Sam Peckinpah, Kareem Abdul Jabbar and Mel Ferrer.

Paradisi directs this film in such a way that the actual point of most scenes is lost because virtually every shot includes extraneous footage completely irrelevant to the storyline. The extra footage just distracts from what otherwise might have been a halfway passable sci-fi thriller.  

Never before has anyone used the words “This movie could have used more Kareem Abdul- Jabbar” but they apply to this flick.

All that being said I want to point out that I disagree with the general consensus that The Visitor makes no sense. Sure, it has plotholes, inconsistent behavior from the characters, poorly chosen reaction shots and villains who over-complicate things for themselves, but the basic story DOES make sense. In fact I bet X-Files fans would like it and would immediately understand what’s going on.

The Visitor 4Part of the confusion can be attributed to the edited version that omits so much footage that it’s difficult to understand what is going on. It’s not always easy to understand what’s going on in the complete 108 minute version, either, but at least it retains all the relevant footage. Since so many people seem lost when they first watch this movie I’ll provide a handy synopsis of the film. It’s not quite right to say there are spoilers ahead since most people apparently don’t understand what is going on when they watch the film anyway. Continue reading

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SEVEN ZOMBIE FILMS THAT ARE UNIQUE

dead-pit

The living dead emerging from The Dead Pit (1989)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! If you’re like me you’re bored with zombies and pseudo-zombies. The 21st Century is as mired in tiresome, cookie-cutter zombie flicks as the 1980s were in tiresome, cookie-cutter slasher flicks.

Here is a look at seven films which, while technically classified as zombie movies at least adopt unique perspectives and don’t follow established formulas.

dead-pit-2THE DEAD PIT (1989) – This horror film was the directorial debut of the very prolific director Brett Leonard. While not a four-star movie The Dead Pit is enjoyable enough for the Halloween Season and should certainly appeal to anyone into 1980s horror flicks. This movie’s hybrid of zombie elements and slasher elements is both its charm AND the reason behind its love-it-or-hate-it status.

Don’t expect non-stop Resident Evil-level action but DO expect to see some in-your-face gore very early in the flick for lovers of guts and decomposition. A physician (Dr Swan) at a mental hospital discovers the secret sub-basement where a rival MD (Dr Ramzi) is subjecting hopeless patients to horrific experiments involving a combination of science and the supernatural.   Continue reading

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PHANTASM V: RAVAGER (2016)

phantasm-5

PHANTASM V: RAVAGER (2016) – Balladeer’s Blog’s month-long celebration of Halloween continues with a review of what is supposedly the final installment of the Phantasm horror film series and what is DEFINITELY the final appearance of Angus Scrimm as the Tall Man. Scrimm passed away early this year, so that’s why I wrote “definitely” and given the obsession with reboots that’s why the “supposedly.”

This 5th Phantasm film answers the musical question “Ya mean there was a Phantasm FOUR?!” Yes, there was. It was released directly to video and was called Phantasm IV: Oblivion with the “iv” in Oblivion forming the Roman Numeral 4 in the title. Similarly the “v” in Ravager forms the Roman Numeral 5 in the title.  

angus-scrimm-3From 1979 to this calendar year the movies in this under-appreciated horror franchise forever changed the way we look at funeral homes. And funeral home directors. And Roman Numerals for that matter. For better or worse writer/director Don Coscarelli never sold out, never let the sinister Tall Man become an outer-space joke like Jason Voorhees or a Borscht-Belt Charles Manson like Freddy Krueger. (And it’s hard to believe the first Phantasm was rated X for violence in 1979.) Continue reading

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SPOOKIES (1986)

Spookies 1SPOOKIES (1986) – Halloween month continues here at Balladeer’s Blog with a look at a bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult. I mean who does this movie have to sleep with in order to be better known?

Spookies is loaded with laughable and outrageous monsters, acting that porn stars would dismiss as amateurish and gore effects that go from wincingly realistic to childishly weak and back again throughout the flick.

The reason for the uneven tone is that Spookies is yet another example of a bad film that was not completed and then was later combined with new footage to slap together a movie with a long enough running time for theatrical release. They Saved Hitler’s Brain, Monster A Go-Go, The Pink Angels plus Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny are four of the best-known examples of these hybrid monstrosities.  

For obvious reasons the characters in the original footage and the completion footage can never interact in the film and part of the fun for lovers of bad movies lies in the awkward lengths the filmmakers go to to try to hide the cut-and- paste nature of their movie. Continue reading

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CROSS OF THE SEVEN JEWELS (1987)

Cross of the Seven Jewels 1Halloween month continues at Balladeer’s Blog!

CROSS OF THE SEVEN JEWELS (1987) – Cross of the Seven Jewels is easily the worst and weirdest werewolf movie I’ve ever seen. Forget The Werewolf of Woodstock, forget Face of the Screaming Werewolf, forget Werewolf vs the Yeti and all of Paul Naschy’s other lycanthropy flicks.

You can even forget the muddy-faced wolfman from Dracula, Prisoner of Frankenstein. Marco Antonio Andolfi starred in this film under the name Eddy Endolf plus wrote and directed it as well.

Andolfi was openly influenced by Paul Naschy’s werewolf films from Spain, but produced a cinematic mess that captured neither the eroticism of Naschy’s Waldemar Daninsky movies nor their goofy charm. Marco’s depiction of a werewolf is a bit … eccentric … and can only be described as “just a little something for the laaaadieeessss.”  

Personally, I would have titled this film

Personally, I would have titled this film “Ya Call THAT a Werewolf?” but I’m kind of weird.

When Andolfi transforms into a wolfman he somehow loses his clothes (which illogically reappear on his body when he reverts back to human form) and he sprouts long bushy hair in only a few places. The first place is around his face with his mouth left bare, making him look like he’s wearing a big hair-mask with eye-holes. The second place would be his hands and the third place is his crotch, which conveniently becomes bushy enough to block out the sight of his genitals. The rest of his well-built body is butt naked.  Continue reading

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THE BODY SHOP (1973)

 THE BODY SHOP (1973) – Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following

The horror film titled The Body Shop is one of my all-time favorite bad movie gems. It includes all the little extras that separate mere bombs from the truly legendary turkeys and, like another neglected classic, The Wizard of Mars (see my Bad Movie page for the review), just keeps getting worse and worse and weirder and weirder all the way to the end. Continue reading

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HALLOWEEN FILMS: ELEVEN MEXICAN MOVIE MONSTERS

brainiacWelcome back to Balladeer’s Blog’s month-long celebration of Halloween! 

Mexican horror films of the 1950s and 1960s deserve to be as well known as the Hollywood horror films from the 30s and 40s. Just as Universal Studios churned out a series of memorable movies featuring the likes of Dracula, Frankenstein, the Wolfman and the Mummy, studios from south of the border went on to give the world equally outstanding creatures.

These horror films boasted Universal- style production values and beautiful black & white cinematography combined with uniquely Mexican twists on horror themes as well as more sensuality and lurid violence than Hollywood had dared to present. This list aims to introduce Mexi- Monsters to younger viewers who may not be familiar with them. I’m omitting generic monsters like the various vampires from Mexican horror films (including Fabian Forte, Cristina Ferrare and a descendant of Nostradamus) and the werewolf wrapped in mummy bandages from Face of the Screaming Werewolf.  

7. THE BRAINIAC (1962) – Mexican title El Baron Del Terror. Many may be outraged at Continue reading

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