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AGAINST THE DARK (2009) STEVEN SEAGAL FIGHTS ZOMBIES?

AGAINST THE DARK (2009) – As Halloween night creeps ever closer, let’s take a look at the most atypical movie from Steven Seagal’s Down Years. Say what you will, but Against the Dark at least stands out among the Waddlin’ Warrior’s many direct to video turkeys during his Fat Elvis phase. 

Rather than just pit Seagal against interchangeable gangsters or terrorists, this flick throws him up against unliving flesh-eaters and blood-drinkers after a disease has killed off or mutated all but a few hundred million people in the world. So, it’s still a very derivative story, just not one from Steven’s usual genre.

Viewers are thrown right into the post-apocalypse setting. A disease has heavily reduced the global population. Many are dead but many more live on as violent predators who feed on the living.

Supposedly, the humanoid creatures in Against the Dark were unambiguously zombies, but co-producer Seagal apparently felt vampires were classier opponents, hence the characters calling them vampires. They also refer to the infected as “mutants” at times. Continue reading

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THE PHANTASM FILMS (1979-2016) ONE OF MY FAVORITE HORROR FRANCHISES

Halloween is almost here, so just a few more days to squeeze in some seasonal posts.

PHANTASM – Don Coscarelli wrote and directed four of the five films in the Phantasm franchise but let David Hartman write and direct the last one in 2016.

The first Phantasm movie back in 1979 was rated X for violence, which makes me and my fellow fans of the Terrifier features and short films laugh our asses off. 

With this movie franchise Don Coscarelli forever changed the way we look at funeral homes. And funeral home directors. Actor Angus Scrimm (1926-2016) owned the role of the sinister mortician the Tall Man as surely as Robert Englund owns the role of Freddy Krueger. 

For newbies to the Phantasm films, let me point out that the Tall Man ran the Morningside Cemetery and Funeral Home business. Some of the loved ones of dearly departed people who became mutated slaves for the Tall Man began to notice strange things about the mortician. Things like carrying a full coffin by himself when he thought nobody was watching.  Continue reading

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MOVIE HOSTESS STELLA FROM SATURDAY NIGHT DEAD (1984-1990)

This beautiful redhead is Stella, aka the Maneater from Manayunk (a section of Philadelphia), as portrayed by the talented Karen Scioli. There are plenty of color photos of Stella out there, but I think this b&w pic best captures her spirit. Karen Scioli wrote most of her material herself, in the style of Rich Koz and was a stand-up comic before becoming a movie hostess.

People who like my bad movie reviews tend to like practicioners of the American folk-art of movie hosting and Karen Scioli was one of the best. And with all due respect to Elvira, as a lifelong breast man I believe Stella was the REAL “hostess with the mostest”. Continue reading

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BALLADEER’S BLOG COLLEGE FOOTBALL RESULTS: OCTOBER 26th

HEADLINES

KNOCKING OFF NUMBER SIX – In the NAIA, the CUMBERLAND UNIVERSITY PHOENIX welcomed the number 6 team in the nation – the CAMPBELLSVILLE UNIVERSITY TIGERS. The Phoenix led 3-0 in the 1st Quarter but trailed 10-6 by Halftime. The 4th Quarter started with the Tigers up 27-12 and ended in a magnificent 35-33 comeback win for Cumberland U.

NUMBER EIGHT TAKES A FALL – Over in NCAA Division Two, the WAYNE STATE WILDCATS took the field against the visiting 8th ranked MINNESOTA STATE MAVERICKS. The Wildcats put their opponents on Upset Alert at the Half with their 19-7 advantage, then outscored them 16-13 after the break to win the game 35-20.

AND ANOTHER NUMBER EIGHT COMES TUMBLING AFTER – Down in NCAA Division Three, the 9th ranked UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN AT WHITEWATER WARHAWKS played host to the number 8 UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN AT PLATTEVILLE PIONEERS. The Warhawks led 14-3 at the midpoint, trailed 19-14 to end the 3rd Quarter, then won 29-19 in the 4th. Continue reading

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FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER: MARVEL STYLE

This weekend’s escapist, light-hearted superhero post here at Balladeer’s Blog looks at the way Marvel incorporated the Frankenstein Monster into their 1970s horror comics.

MONSTER OF FRANKENSTEIN Vol 1 #1 (Jan 1973)

Title: Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein

Villains: Mutineers

Synopsis: This loose adaptation of the Mary Shelley classic starts out in January of 1898. Readers meet Captain Robert Walton IV, descendant of the Captain Walton who encountered Dr. Victor Frankenstein in the frozen north roughly one hundred years earlier.

This Robert Walton has been searching for any sign of the remains of the Frankenstein Monster sighted by his ancestor. He and his crew at last find the being and carve out the huge ice chunk in which its body is held.   

That chunk is brought on board Walton’s vessel and stored in the hold. While the captain relates to a crew member the tale told to his ancestor about the monster’s creation and history, the rest of the crew plot a mutiny over being kept in the frozen north for so long just to recover a monstrous corpse.

Captain Walton is only partway through his tale about Dr. Frankenstein and his monster when the mutiny erupts and in the fighting a fire starts. The fire starts to melt the ice encasing the Frankenstein Monster. Continue reading

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THE WORST MICHAEL MYERS STYLE SLASHERS FROM BAD MOVIES

masc graveyard newCan you believe it’s just one week until Halloween!

In a nod to So Bad They’re Good slasher films Balladeer’s Blog has examined some of the worst Michael Myers imitators as well as a few forerunners. FOR 13 HEAVY METAL HORROR MOVIES CLICK HERE.

horror-house-on-highway-5BARTHOLOMEW

Movie: Horror House on Highway Five (1985)

Lore: Bartholomew wore a Richard Nixon mask while slicing and dicing his victims. He was a simple-minded man transformed into an unstoppable killer by a Nazi mad scientist … A Nazi mad scientist who, strangely enough, wore a yarmulke. With a swastika on it. (?)

FOR MY FULL-LENGTH REVIEW CLICK HERE

Mr RabbeyMISTER RABBEY

Movie: The Psychopath (1975)

Lore: Mister Rabbey was a child-minded nutcase who hosted a Mister Rogers-type kiddie show. When he discovers that some of the children he visits at the local hospital have been abused by their parents he sets out to kill those abusers. He kills by strangling one victim with his security blanket but also uses weapons like a baseball bat, garden shears and a lawnmower in his deadly crusade.

FOR MY FULL-LENGTH REVIEW CLICK HERE Continue reading

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THE OMEGA FACTOR (1979) FORGOTTEN TELEVISION

THE OMEGA FACTOR (1979) – This eerie BBC series combined the best elements of Doomwatch with Department S and injected supernatural scares that anticipated the much later series Twin Peaks and The X Files.

James Hazeldine, remembered as the snarky butler from The Musgrave Ritual episode of Jeremy Brett’s Sherlock Holmes, starred as Tom Crane. Tom was a reporter whose untapped psychic abilities bring him into conflict with an Aleister Crowleyesque villain named Edward Drexel (Cyril Luckham) and an organization called Omega.

Crane’s wife is killed through Drexel’s machinations, motivating him to give up journalism and join Department 7, a secret British government agency which researches the supernatural and the paranormal.

Louise Jameson, famous from Tenko and as Leela on Doctor Who, is Dr. Anne Reynolds, a physicist colleague of Tom Crane’s. She was a friend of Tom’s late wife and through her he discovers that he has been under Department 7 surveillance since he was a boy because of his nascent psychic powers. Continue reading

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FIVE AMBROSE BIERCE HALLOWEEN STORIES

ambrose-bierce

Ambrose Bierce

Halloween Month continues with Balladeer’s Blog’s look at some seasonal stories by the one and only Ambrose Bierce. I think we’re all sick of Owl Creek Bridge so here are a few lesser-known tales from “Bitter Bierce.”

THE SPOOK HOUSE (1889) – In pre-Civil War Kentucky a pair of traveling politicians take shelter in a notoriously haunted house which was once the site of a bloody massacre. The eerie abandoned house features a room from which an unearthly green glow emanates … a room in which lie all the corpses of the missing massacre victims and of all those foolish enough to stay in the house ever since.  Continue reading

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WAXWORK (1988) HALLOWEEN MOVIE

WAXWORK (1988) – I’m often surprised at how comparatively overlooked Waxwork is when it comes to 1980s horror films. It’s played straight, packs in a variety of menaces, fun Easter Eggs and sufficient scares and gore for that decade of Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees and Pinhead. A sequel followed in 1992.

The cast includes Zach Galligan, Deborah Foreman, David Warner, Michelle Johnson, Clare Carey, Eric Brown, Dana Ashbrook, John Rhys-Davies, Patrick Macnee and Miles O’Keefe. As the title indicates, this movie involves a wax museum with deadly exhibits, but far more elaborate ones than similar films feature.

Virtually overnight, a nearly completed Wax Museum appears in a midwestern town. It’s still being prepared and won’t officially open for a few weeks, but David Lincoln, the smooth-talking owner played by the great David Warner, offers several curious teens special free passes to a preview the next night. Continue reading

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COOL NAMED SPORTS TEAM: CARTERET COLLEGE

Here’s the latest educational institution to launch sports teams with a nickname much more creative than the overused Eagles, Tigers, Bulldogs and Wildcats.

CARTERET COLLEGE Continue reading

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