Tag Archives: Bad Movies

THE PSYCHOPATH (1975)

The_Psychopath_RMCjpgTHE PSYCHOPATH (1975) – Category: The 70s version of camp, with a premise and plot elements that would have been banned in previous decades  

If you’ve ever wanted to see Mr Rogers and/or Pee Wee Herman and/or Barney The Purple Dinosaur go on a killing spree this is the movie for you! Tom Basham plays Mr Rabbey, the host of a popular kiddie show. The key to Mr Rabbey’s success – his knack for knowing what children want to see – is no accident, since Rabbey himself is soon revealed to be a crazed, child-minded nutcase. Picture how much creepier Paul Reubens’ Pee Wee Herman character would be if it was no act and he really, honestly behaved that way 24/7. That’s Mr Rabbey.

The victims of Rabbey’s murder spree are people who beat and otherwise abuse their children, so it’s not all that hard to take the death scenes. You see, it turns out Mr Rabbey himself was the victim of an abusive parent, and when he realizes some of the children he visits on a charitable trip to the hospital have been beaten by their parents he sets out to kill those parents. (The original title of this movie was Eye For An Eye, which is why the film opens up with an extreme closeup of one of Mr Rabbey’s eyeballs) Continue reading

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FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER (1965)

Frankenstein Meets the Space MonsterFRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE SPACE MONSTER (1965) –Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following      

The original title of this incredibly fun bad movie was Mars Invades Puerto Rico. You see, there is no Frankenstein Monster in this flick, just a NASA robot called Frank who gets damaged and then looks like Freddy Krueger with a Mohawk from one angle.

The actual premise of this movie is that Frank battles Martians intent on replenishing their nuclear war-ravaged planet by kidnapping beachgoers in Puerto Rico to use as breeding stock. Sounds like a comedy … stings like a bee! Continue reading

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FOR YOUR HEIGHT ONLY (1981)

Weng Weng and Lola

Weng Weng and Lola

FOR YOUR HEIGHT ONLY (1981) – Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9– sized cult following.

This hilariously bizarre film is just so chock full of inane dialogue and WTF moments that it’s a challenge to write a review that isn’t novel-length.

For the essentials: this is a Philippine action movie starring the midget novelty celebrity named Weng Weng as Secret Agent OO (yes, Double O). It sounds like a comedy but what makes it great is that IT’S NOT!

It’s played seriously and features Weng Weng using firearms and fancy gadgets like James Bond, engaging in martial arts fights like Bruce Lee, drooling over regular-sized women like Herve Villaichez, sword- fighting as skillfully as Zatoichi and sporting a poorly- concealed bald spot like Ryen Russillo. 

Weng Weng works for an outfit called simply “The Secret Agency”, so I’m guessing it’s one of those generic intelligence services that is MUCH cheaper than name brands. Hell, the head of the Continue reading

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MARDI GRAS MASSACRE (1978)

Mardi Gras MassacreMARDI GRAS MASSACRE (1978) – Category: A neglected Bad Movie classic, but its hard-core gore will prevent it from ever having a Plan 9-sized cult following

It takes a twisted sort of genius to make multiple disembowelment murders look boring, but that’s exactly what Jack Weis accomplishes in Mardi Gras Massacre! Today may be Fat Tuesday, but let’s rechristen it “Splat Tuesday” in honor of this late 70s splatterfest. 

The actual “massacre” part of this movie is an incredible disappointment. An insane, hate-filled man with a Continue reading

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TRUMBO (2015): HOLLYWOOD HYPOCRISY IS HILARIOUS

The political intolerance of the shallow, uninformed and emotionally unstable fools of Hollywood knows no bounds. They unabashedly call for the personal and professional destruction of everyone who votes differently than they do while ignoring the fact that they are practicing their own – even more fanatical – form of McCarthyism. 

This movie is further proof that American Liberals are the biggest hypocrites in history.

This movie is further proof that American Liberals are the biggest hypocrites in history.

TRUMBO (2015) – How about “Are you now or have you ever been a racist or imperialist or Islamophobic or privileged?” Regular readers of Balladeer’s Blog know how sick I am of the increasingly meaningless “Liberals vs Conservatives” paradigm. It’s just that right now American Liberals are far more pompous and hubristic and in need of being cut down to size.

Case in point: the movie Trumbo. Only American Liberals could be so lacking in self-awareness that they would – in this age of non-stop harassment of Trump supporters, Political Correctness Police and SJW persecutors – trot out (for the millionth time) the story of Dalton Trumbo and some of the other figures who were black-listed during the Communist Witch Hunt of decades ago.

For the past few decades Left-Wing Archie Bunkers  have been the ones black-listing and inflicting draconian punishments on people who dare to hold different political opinions than they do.

We are still suffering under the “Racist” and “Privilege” Witch Hunts that American Liberals continue to pursue with the same sickeningly judgmental attitude and spurious statistics that Joe McCarthy was accused of. How many careers (and therefore lives) have we all seen ruined by the cold, merciless asses of the political left? Often over  simple remarks or organizations the victims belonged to or political contributions they made YEARS earlier. Plus DemoKKKrats accuse people of being racists as a scare tactic the way accusations of being a Communist were used back then.

Anyone under 30 (maybe even 40) who watches Trumbo needs to focus on the OBVIOUS parallels to the way American Liberals hound and persecute Trump supporters and any behavior they choose to interpret as “racism” or more generally as “hate.” When you watch right-wing zealots obsessively looking for “pernicious communism” and “secret communist messages” in Trumbo’s screenplays make a point of noting the similarities to the way DemoKKKrat zealots obsessively look for “racism”, “xenophobia”, “imperialism,” “colonial narratives” and on and on through the entire list of their paranoid fixations.  

American Liberals are monumental hypocrites who thrive on censoring dissenting ideas and black-listing people who hold those ideas even though they pretended to disapprove of censorship and black-listing when those tactics were used against them. They love re-staging old battles in which the outcome is known and wrap themselves in a cloud of self-satisfaction that blocks out anything like self-reflection or introspection. Continue reading

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CHROME AND HOT LEATHER (1971)

chrome-and-hot-leatherCHROME AND HOT LEATHER (1971) THE Marvin Gaye made his big-screen debut in this relentlessly absurd example of the bad biker films of the 1960s and 1970s.

When a Green Beret’s fiancee (played by THE Cheryl Ladd) is killed he and some of his service buddies pose as bikers to track down the motorcycle gang responsible for her death.

Words cannot describe how enjoyably awful this movie is from start to finish. Continue reading

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DIAL: HELP (1988)

 DIAL: HELP (1988) – Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9- sized cult following. 

This 1988 horror film from Italy (but dubbed into English) deals with a young model, played by Charlotte Lewis, who finds her life turning hellish when she begins being tormented by living phones … yes, living phones. As always with me, I love to laugh at bad horor movies like this that are NOT trying to be funny, but are so disastrously bad and have such ludicrous premises that they are unintentional comedy classics.

Remember my reviews of movies like Death Bed, about a killer bed; Deafula, about a deaf vampire and The Lift, about a killer elevator? Lump this flick in with those. 

Hardcore horror fans will be stunned to learn that the man behind this laughable mess is none other than Continue reading

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HORROR HOUSE ON HIGHWAY 5 (1985)

horror-house-on-highway-5HORROR HOUSE ON HIGHWAY 5 (1985) –  And rest assured it’s the BEST little Horror House On Highway 5. This film was made during the 80s slasher craze when masked killers like Mike Myers and Jason Voorhees were all the rage.

Bartholomew, the killer in this film, honest-to-God wears a Richard Nixon mask while slicing and dicing his victims. I have no idea why his human prey don’t just slap on a Peter Rodino mask and kick this guy’s butt all over Highway 5.

There are three different types of bad scenes in this movie: Continue reading

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HELLROLLER (1992)

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Balladeer's Blog

Balladeer’s Blog

 HELLROLLER (1992) – Category: Enyoyably bad movie but not fun-bad enough to earn my highest rating                 

 Hellroller is the infamous bad movie about a slasher who is confined to a wheelchair and uses it to get around as he slices and dices his victims. Ron Litman stars, if “stars” isn’t too strong a word, as Eugene, our twitchy, slobbering paraplegic. Eugene is the product of a Continue reading

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GIRLS ON PROBATION (1938) ON THE TEXAS TWENTY-SEVEN FILM VAULT

Girls on Probation

Girls on Probation

In the middle 1980s/ Way down on Level 31 …

Before MST3K there was The Texas 27 Film Vault! Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of this neglected cult show from the 1980s with another review of an episode where an original air date can be determined. My interview with some of the original cast, my research through VERY old newspapers and emailed memories from my fellow Vaulties are helping in this attempt to reconstruct elements of the show’s history.

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday March 2nd, 1985 from 10:30pm to 1:00 am.

FILM VAULT LORE: This is the 2nd oldest episode I’ve reviewed. The oldest episode was the February 9th, 1985 airing of Trunk to Cairo with Audie Murphy. Special thanks to my fellow T27FV fan Jessica for the serial episode and a comedy sketch from the episode.

One of the comedy sketches in the show was a mock commercial for Blue Arrow Bus Lines, the fictional bus line in the movie. The phony ad hyped the bus line as the Official Bus Line of female fugitives on the run.

Lost CitySERIAL: Before showing and mocking the movie machine-gun toting Randy and Richard of the fictional Film Vault Corps (“The few, the proud, the sarcastic”) showed and mocked a chapter of the notoriously campy sci-fi serial The Lost City (1935).

That serial featured a super-scientific city lost in the middle of the African jungle plus zombified “giant” African tribesmen, ray-guns, a slinky femme fatale and a tribe of pygmies. There’s also a Great White Hunter as the hero and a mad scientist whose inventions include a machine that turns black people into white people! And the “colorization” is considered a REWARD for tribesmen who serve the mad scientist well! All this plus BOTH William Boyds in one serial! 

THE MOVIE: GIRLS ON PROBATION (1938) was one of the countless Warner Brothers B-movies that future president Ronald Reagan starred in before his career in politics. Reagan had just been inaugurated  for his second term less than two months earlier so the Reagan jokes from our Film Vault Technicans First Class no doubt flew hard and fast. The Texas 27 Film Vault also showed Bedtime for Bonzo, another infamous Reagan pic, but I have yet to narrow down the exact date of that episode.  

Reagan is the Continue reading

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