Category Archives: Bad and weird movies

FRIDAY THE 13th: THE ORPHAN (1977)

Friday the 13th The Orphan biggerFRIDAY THE 13th: THE ORPHAN (1977) – H.H. Munro must have turned over in his grave at this adaptation of one of his short stories. This quasi-horror film was re-released in 1979 as just The Orphan and despite the original title it has no connection to the Friday the 13th series of slasher flicks. At least, no REAL connection. I’m surprised some unscrupulous distributor never tried sneaking this into theaters in the 1980’s as a “prequel” to the slasher movies by presenting the insane young boy in the movie as the grandfather of Jason Voorhees.

Even so the title makes it hard not to think of our wealthy young protagonist “David” (Mark Owens) as an ancestor of the hockey- masked slice and dice man from Crystal Lake. In the 1920’s David’s mother accidentally shoots his African Big Game Hunter father Kevin to death during an argument about his frequent overseas trips. David not only witnesses this but sees his mother put the gun in her mouth and kill herself immediately afterward. Next David gets VERY disturbed when a presumed family member (an uncredited Christopher Lloyd in a “blink-and-you’ll- miss- him” appearance) forces him to kiss his dead father as he lies in his coffin. Continue reading

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BEAUTIFUL CASEY JAMES PRESENTS BALLADEER’S BLOG’S OBSCURE SPAGHETTI WESTERNS

Balladeer's Blog's Official Movie Hostess, the legendary Casey James

Balladeer’s Blog’s Official Movie Hostess, the legendary Casey James

Casey James is as lethal as she is lovely and among her many roles in life she is kind enough to be Balladeer’s Blog’s Official Movie Hostess. This time around this voluptuous embodiment of men’s and many women’s desires is presenting the first in a series of my reviews of the more obscure Spaghetti Westerns – the ones not well known to viewers who are only familiar with Sergio Leone’s films. 

THE PRICE OF POWER (1969) –  There were literally more than 550 Spaghetti Westerns made in the 60’s and 70’s since when the Italians do something they do it in a big, big way. Those hundreds of films vary in quality from pretty good to hilariously awful and the creative talents behind them often tried to outdo each other in terms of colorful heroes and oddball plots. My favorites include those movies where the Italians took more liberties with Western history than American filmmakers ever dreamed of. 

That brings us to The Price Of Power which was also released under the title Texas. The point of this film is … well, it’s hard to say really. Even after repeated viewings. It’s difficult to determine if the filmmakers were trying to make a statement about the alleged conspiracy behind the assassination of President John F Kennedy or about the civil rights movement, or about capitalism’s impact on the political process in a free society or what. Whatever they were trying to do the end result is like a history lesson taught by Ed Wood himself. Let’s compare the historical record to the plotline of this very odd movie.  Continue reading

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SUPERNATURAL (1933) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Supernatural 1933Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault!

Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of this neglected cult show from the mid-1980′s.

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday April 19th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.

EXTRAS: This episode featured footage of our Film Vault Technicians First Class Randy and Richard’s promotional appearance at Six Flags Mall in nearby Arlington, TX. Supernatural 2

HOST SEGMENTS: One particular Host Segment featured one of the show’s behind-the- scenes people portraying Commando Cody complete with helmet and rocket pack. He was portraying the character because the Commando Cody serial Radar Men from the Moon was the current serial being shown before the movie each week on The Texas 27 Film Vault.

Since Randy Clower still outranked his co-host Richard Malmos (at least until a few episodes later) in the fictional Film Vault Corps (“The few, the proud, the sarcastic”) their relationship often featured the type of abusive “Host and Second Banana” dynamic like that between Dr Morgus and his lab assistant Chopsley or Zacherle and his wife My Dear or Dr Forester and TV’s Frank.  Continue reading

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HORROR OF PARTY BEACH (1964) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

The Cute Mascot for Vibrators-to-Go

The Cute Mascot for Vibrators-to-Go

In the middle 1980’s/ Way down on Level 31 …

Before MST3K there was The Texas 27 Film Vault, hosted by Randy Clower and Richard Malmos. Balladeer’s Blog’s examination of this neglected 1980’s cult show continues. Here’s another review of an episode where an original broadcast date can be determined.

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday May 25th, 1985 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.

Phantom EmpireEXTRAS: With 2 1/2 hours to work with every episode our machine-gun toting “Film Vault Technicians First Class” Randy and Richard had plenty of time to show (and mock) episodes of old Republic serials before showing (and mocking) the night’s bad movie. Before Horror of Party Beach our boys showed an episode of The Phantom Empire, in which Gene Autry played a singing cowboy  who saves the world from an advanced underground civilization complete with killer robots.

Yeah, most atomic beasts live off human brains!

Yeah, most atomic beasts live off human brains!

Also, a comedy sketch (which Randy Clower told me he still has footage of) from the episode featured Richard jamming a bunch of hot dogs in his mouth to resemble the absurd, multi-tongued sea creatures in Horror of Party Beach.     

FILM VAULT LORE: Special thanks to my fellow Texas 27 Film Vault fan Jana for the date of this episode and which serial preceded the movie. She did not remember which  chapter of the serial Randy and Richard were on, but you can’t have everything!

Here’s more in Jana’s own words: “My boyfriend and I at the time were at SMU and on Saturday nights everybody on Continue reading

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TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT: THE 3-D POSTER by KERRY GAMMILL

FILMVreducedRegular readers of Balladeer’s Blog are familiar with my fondness for Movie Host shows of the past and my EXCLUSIVE interview with Randy Clower of the mid-1980’s program The Texas 27 Film Vault has proven to be a very popular item on this blog.

Randy and his cohost Richard Malmos, playing machine gun- packing Film Vault Technicians First Class, would show and mock bad and campy films from decades ago and were a huge hit when they were on the air. I feel they Continue reading

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MOTHER’S DAY BAD MOVIE: HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY – LOVE, GEORGE (1973)

Despite the movie poster's warning this flick won't even untie your shoelaces.

Despite the movie poster’s warning this flick won’t even untie your shoelaces.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! LOVE, GEORGE (1973) – Category: Bad movie elevated by kitsch value in the casting.

Directed by THE Darren McGavin and featuring his wife Kathie Browne in a small role, this hilariously bizarre film is also known as Run, Stranger, Run. “Run, Potential Viewer, Run” would be a more appropriate title. Happy Mother’s Day Love, George (henceforth HMDLG) is often described as a psycho-sexual thriller but actually it is nothing more than a melodramatic soap opera with a few murders and VERY few scenes of blood and gore. Those blood and gore scenes are so over-the-top they are completely at odds with the Continue reading

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LOVE GODDESS CASEY JAMES HOSTS ANOTHER LOOK AT BAD MOVIES

Casey James, the Official Movie Hostess of Balladeer's Blog

Casey James, the Official Movie Hostess of Balladeer’s Blog

Special thanks once again to Balladeer’s Blog’s Official Movie Hostess, the incomparable Casey James! Casey has a well-earned reputation as one of the most beautiful women in the world. She was kind enough to take some time away from her busy day to host another look at some very strange movies from the cinematic hinterlands. 

THE MAN WITHOUT A BODY (1957) – Unbelievably bad movie which will have you smacking your head against the wall with its hopelessly flawed logic and truck-sized plotholes. A dying tycoon has a brain tumor so he wants a healthy brain to replace it. For absolutely no reason he thinks this new brain will carry on his consciousness. Making even less sense is the fact that he wants the brain of the long-dead Nostrodamus to be the replacement organ! Making the least sense of all is the fact that his graverobbers find Nostrodamus’ brain INTACT after hundreds of years! All this plus a mad scientist who has disembodied monkey heads and a huge eyeball on his laboratory wall.  FOR MY FULL-LENGTH REVIEW CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2010/11/13/the-man-without-a-body-1957/ Continue reading

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KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK (1978) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

KISS Meets the Phantom of the ParkIn the middle 1980′s/ Way down on Level 31 –

Randy Clower and Richard Malmos of The Texas 27 Film Vault (both lower right) featured in a Movie Host article with Stella from Saturday Night Dead and Elvira.

Randy Clower and Richard Malmos of The Texas 27 Film Vault (both lower right) featured in a Movie Host article with Stella from Saturday Night Dead and Elvira.

Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault!

Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of this neglected cult show from the mid-1980′s.

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday May ??, 1987 from 10:30pm to 1:00 am. Exact date is still being debated. Any Vaulties with further information please feel free to contact me.

EXTRAS: Every single nanosecond of this film is riff-worthy, so with the usual comedy sketches from the Film Vault Corps (“the few, the proud, the sarcastic”) added on plus commercials there was no time for an episode of a Republic or Columbia serial before the movie this time. Randy and Richard, our machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class were able to get to the movie quickly.  Continue reading

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THE PARTY CRASHERS (1958) – ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Mysterious Doctor SatanIn the middle 1980’s/ Way down on Level 31 –

Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault!

Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of this neglected cult show from the mid-1980′s.

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday September 13th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.

Randy (right) and Richard way down on Level 31 hosting The Texas 27 Film Vault

Randy (right) and Richard way down on Level 31 hosting The Texas 27 Film Vault

EXTRAS: This episode featured Randy and Richard’s interview with Denver Pyle, who appears in the film being riffed on, The Party Crashers. They taped the interview with him at Ben Johnson’s ranch earlier in the year. The interview would be rerun when The Texas 27 Film Vault showed The Flying Saucer, another film with Denver Pyle in a supporting role. OR as some T27FV fans have claimed The Flying Saucer was shown by Randy and Richard during the summer of 1986 so the Denver Pyle interview was being run for the second time in TONIGHT’S episode. When or if I can confirm or nail down the specifics I will adjust this entry.

SERIAL: Before presenting and mocking The Party Crashers our machine-gun wielding Film Vault Technicians First Class presented and mocked an episode of Mysterious Doctor Satan, a Republic serial from 1940. The serial featured a mad scientist called Dr Satan trying to take over the world with a VERY goofy- looking robot while a pulp-style hero called the Copperhead tried to thwart his plans.     Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE: THE MAN FROM S.E.X. (1979)

man from sexTHE MAN FROM S.E.X. (1979) – Category: Fun-bad but not classically bad enough for my highest rating.

Bind … Charles Bind. In the cinematic world of cheapjack James Bond ripoffs the three films that featured Lindsay Shonteff’s secret agent Charles Bind aka “Number One” are possibly THE worst. “The Bind Trilogy” deserves to be as well-known to fans of bad movies as flicks like Operation Double 007, Danger! Death Ray and Trunk to Cairo. All three of Number One’s movies are Number Two (had to be said) but The Man From S.E.X. pretty much Harry Alan Towers (rimshot) over the other two in terms of awfulness.

Nicky Hensen portrayed Bind … well, given Hensen’s limited thespian skills let’s instead say “he was billed as Bind in the credits” of the first Charles Bind/ Number One film, titled Number One of the Secret Service (1970). (Jon “Dr Who” Pertwee was in the Hensen film, too)  

Gareth Hunt (of New Avengers fame) was billed as Bind in the credits of this middle film in the series and in 1990 came the third and final film Number One Gun, starring Michael Howe (of Tom Grattan’s War fame). The first and third pitted our hero against the evil organization K.R.A.S.H. (Killing, Rape, Arson, Slaughter and Hits) but The Man From S.E.X. featured a different – but no less absurd – villain.

Continue reading

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