Like other adults here in the U.S. my own views are a mix of “liberal” and “conservative” attitudes. That’s why the rest of us find Liberals and Conservatives (with capitalized L’s and C’s) to be so outdated and laughably partisan. Here’s a list of some of the reasons we despise American Liberals and American Conservatives equally:
Liberals think they’re fit to lecture the rest of us about “diversity”. / Conservatives think they’re fit to lecture the rest of us about “family values”.
Liberals are pretentious fools who actually think they’re the country’s official “intellectuals”. / Conservatives are nationalist fools who actually think they’re the country’s official “patriots”.
Liberals mindlessly take sides against their own country no matter what the circumstances. / Conservatives mindlessly side with their own country no matter what the circumstances.
Liberals actually believe bloated hatemongers like Michael Moore and Al Sharpton. / Conservatives actually believe bloated hatemongers like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh.
Liberals pompously think they’re fit to decide who is “racist.” / Conservatives pompously think they’re fit to decide who is “unpatriotic.”
Liberals want to teach only the negative aspects of American history while ignoring the positive aspects. / Conservatives want to teach only the positive aspects of American history while ignoring the negative aspects.
Liberals have hopelessly politicized the educational system, then feign outrage when people prefer home-schooling, even though it’s exactly what they would do if their children were being force-fed Conservative dogma. / Conservatives have hopelessly politicized religion, then feign outrage when people avoid church because they don’t need clueless clergy members telling them what their political views should be.
Liberals want us to treat Christians like they’re less than human. / Conservatives want us to treat homosexuals like they’re less than human.
Liberals accuse people of being Bush lovers if they refuse to go along with the fanatical assertion that George W Bush was “a dictator worse than Hitler.” / Conservatives accuse people of being Obama lovers if they refuse to go along with the fanatical assertion that Barack Obama is “a Muslim sleeper agent.”
Liberals grandly admonish against “demonizing” and “dehumanizing” people even though they spend all their time demonizing and dehumanizing American Conservatives. / Conservatives endlessly congratulate themselves for their alleged “Christian compassion” but loathe the thought of tax money aiding their fellow human beings in any way.
Liberals sympathize with the inhabitants of inner- city ghettos but snobbishly dismiss the inhabitants of trailer parks as “white trash”, too lazy or stupid to do better in life. / Conservatives sympathize with the inhabitants of trailer parks but snobbishly dismiss the inhabitants of inner-city ghettos as “freeloaders”, too lazy or stupid to do better in life.
Liberals think every single one of their political opinions should carry the force of law. / Conservatives think the ridiculous and archaic values presented in the Bible should carry the force of law.
Liberals are cowards who want us to ignore Muslim homophobia and misogyny while condemning Christians. / Conservatives are hypocrites who want us to ignore Christian homophobia and misogyny.
Liberals mindlessly chant about the ridiculous notion of “social justice” with a straight face. / Conservatives mindlessly chant about the ridiculous notion of “American exceptionalism” with a straight face.
Liberals are unbearable asses who pretend they speak on behalf of all African- Americans and all women, despite all the evidence to the contrary. / Conservatives are unbearable asses who pretend they speak on behalf of all “decent Americans”, despite all the evidence to the contrary.
Liberals thrive on censoring dissenting ideas and blacklisting people who hold those ideas even though they pretended to disapprove of censorship and blacklisting when they were used against them. / Conservatives resent the fact that they are no longer in position to censor dissenting ideas and blacklist people who hold those ideas but would go back to using those ugly strategies the minute the opportunity arose.
Liberals consider anyone who spouts Liberal dogma to be “intellectual” even if they can’t spell or can’t express themselves in complete sentences. However, if someone spouts Conservative dogma they dismiss them as “uneducated white Americans” or “traitors to their race or gender group”. / Conservatives consider celebrities who spout Conservative dogma to be “concerned Americans speaking out on the issues”. However, if celebrities spout Liberal dogma they want them to “shut up and sing”, to use one of their favorite cliches.
You can come up with more of these yourselves. The annoyingly shrill children called Liberals and Conservatives are especially loud in a presidential election year.
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