PLEASE DON’T TOUCH ME (Filmed in 1959, released in 1963) – Buy this for the Lash La Rue fan in your life, but mostly for the Ron and June Ormond fan in your life. For people outside of us lovers of Bad Movies I’ll point out that Ron and June Ormond were the famous husband and wife team of low-low-low budget filmmakers.
The Ormonds dabbled in virtually all genres from mainstream movies to exploitation and roadshow flicks. More than a decade ago, Balladeer’s Blog reviewed the infamous Ron Ormond/ Estus Pirkle film If Footmen Tire You, What Will Horses Do? (HERE), a full-color Cold War potboiler about a Communist invasion of the U.S. depicted with graphic violence, inane dialogue and hilariously bad acting.
This earlier effort from their mind-bending body of work found them collaborating with former cowboy star Lash La Rue, with whom they had made several cheap, short and boring westerns. Lash portrays Dr. Williams, a psychiatrist who is treating a newlywed bride for frigidity.
Though Please Don’t Touch Me sounds like it would be a sexploitation flick, lurid assault film or Nudie Cutie, rest assured there’s nothing in this 67-minute oddity that your grandmother couldn’t handle. Well, maybe your mother, instead of grandma.
The film plays almost like a parody of Public Service Message shorts, educational videos, army training films about v.d., and tabloid psychiatry movies like Tomorrow’s Children, Glen or Glenda & Maniac. Paying customers who went in hoping for something sexy, explicit and tawdry would have learned that the joke was on them. Continue reading
IF FOOTMEN TIRE YOU, WHAT WILL HORSES DO? (1971) – Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following. 
Pirkle serves as the narrator of this quirky little mess, ranting on and on in his over-the-top way about how the USA has turned away from the Bible and will suffer the consequences. He’s like a combination of Criswell in Plan 9 From Outer Space and the sermonizing narrator from Blood Freak (qv).
IF FOOTMEN TIRE YOU, WHAT WILL HORSES DO? (1971) – Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following No, it’s not about Quentin Tarantino and pre-Castro Havana nightclubs (Thank you, I’m here all week!) it’s really a Cold War-era warning about what would happen if Communists took over the United States. It’s from 
Balladeer's Blog 