Category Archives: Bad and weird movies

ANTHONY GEARY, R.I.P. – BLOOD SABBATH (1972)

BLOOD SABBATH (1972) – Anthony Geary, best known as Luke Spencer on General Hospital when that soap opera was kicking off the absurd trend of daytime dramas being more like Republic Serials, has passed away. Balladeer’s Blog marks the sad event with this review of Geary’s most Psychotronic movie.

Hey, when you needed someone to save Port Charles from a weather machine you needed James Bond or Luke Spencer. Anthony Geary skyrocketed to fame as Luke of “Luke and Laura” fame on General Hospital.

Genie Francis played Luke’s romantic partner Laura (after they retconned his rape of her into a “seduction” instead). 

For her part, Genie had to suffer through a real-life marriage to Commander Riker from Star Trek: The Next Generation and Anthony had to suffer through bombs like Blood Sabbath

It’s tough to beat the Bad Movie pedigree of this flick. For starters, it was directed by Brianne Murphy, one-time wife of schlock film icon Jerry Warren, the man behind several of his own flops AND the U.S. distribution of several Mexican-made horror and wrestling movies.

Costarring with Geary was Dyanne Thorne, Ilsa herself from truly awful films like Ilsa, She Wolf of the S.S., Ilsa, Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks, Ilsa, the Tigress of Siberia and Ilsa, the Wicked Warden. Those flicks, while not porn, are only for hardcore devotees of bad exploitation movies. Continue reading

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TOM TURKEY TRILOGY: THE WASHINGTON AFFAIR (1977)

This wraps up my look at three of Tom Selleck’s early starring roles in turkeys.

Unlike The Chinese Typewriter and The Gypsy Warriors, both of which were tv pilot movies for shows that did not get picked up as a series, The Washington Affair was a theatrical film made in 1977 but was so bad it didn’t get released until the 1980s, after Selleck became a big star.

THE WASHINGTON AFFAIR (1977) – Also released as A Very Intimate Washington Affair, and for all I know as A Very Brady Washington Affair, this movie was a remake of director Victor Stoloff’s own 1966 film Intimacy. Neither version was very successful, but trivia buffs remember the original and the remake for Barry Sullivan playing the exact same character in both.

Sullivan portrayed dishonest businessman Walter Nicholson. In 1977 Tom Selleck costarred as Jim Hawley, a hunky engineer in charge of deciding what company gets a lucrative government contract – Nicholson’s or one of his competitors.

The 1966 flick at least had the advantage of shocking audiences of the time with its depiction of corrupt government figures, dirty businessmen and bribery – both monetary and sexual. Not so for 1977’s The Washington Affair.

By ’77 even the production’s attempt to cash in on Watergate and other government scandals was a bit too late and the sexual angle would barely disturb a contemporary grandma. Add the facts that the script sucks, there are literally only two sets for the entire film, and the central camera gimmick is absurd.    Continue reading

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ANOTHER TOM TURKEY: THE GYPSY WARRIORS (1978) – BAD MOVIE REVIEW

For Thanksgiving week, here’s another Turkey from the years before Tom Selleck broke through to tv stardom.

THE GYPSY WARRIORS (1978) – Yesterday I reviewed the godawful 1979 telefilm The Chinese Typewriter, an obscure disaster from Stephen J. Cannell starring Tom Selleck and James Whitmore, Jr. Today I’m keeping the theme going with this look at an even earlier telefilm that Cannell wrote and executive-produced for his new darlings Selleck and Whitmore.

Like The Chinese Typewriter, The Gypsy Warriors was a pilot movie for a potential series to star Tom and James. Overall, it’s even worse than the 1979 effort, but at least that one was fun-bad. The Gypsy Warriors spends too much time mired in boring-bad territory, so I consider it much less enjoyable.

This 1978 tv-movie starts out by turning “show, don’t tell” on its ear. As bad as the opening of The Chinese Typewriter was, the opening to this World War Two snoozer is even worse. The beginning devotes FOURTEEN entire minutes of the 76-minute runtime to a portentous announcer merely narrating as we see mismatched footage of hands, arms and the backs of heads plus second unit film of buildings, airplanes and vehicles.

The vehicles don’t fit the 1940 setting and neither does the darkened New York City skyline being passed off as a European port city even though the World Trade Center Towers are visible. That’s a special level of not giving a damn.   

But wait, there’s MORE! Continue reading

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TOM (SELLECK) TURKEY: THE CHINESE TYPEWRITER (1979) – BAD MOVIE REVIEW

In honor of Thanksgiving Week, here’s a genuine turkey from Tom Selleck’s up-and-coming years.

THE CHINESE TYPEWRITER (1979) – It’s tough to remember the time before Tom Selleck was a tv megastar. His looks made him stand out and he had “future success” written all over him. He even showed he had a knack for comedy when he made two appearances on The Rockford Files as the annoyingly perfect and cliche-ridden detective Lance White. (“I’m okay, Jim. It’s just a flesh wound.”)

Television giant Stephen J. Cannell even used Tom’s second Rockford Files episode as a backdoor pilot for a potential series starring Selleck and James Whitmore, Jr. That didn’t work out, but Cannell still had faith in Tom and his unexpected chemistry with Whitmore.

And that brings us to The Chinese Typewriter, a 90-minute (with commercials) pilot movie for a different series to star Selleck and Whitmore. Stephen J. Cannell wrote and executive-produced the telefilm and tv veteran Lou Antonio directed.

With those writing and directing pedigrees behind the project you should have been able to smell several seasons, big money and some Emmy Awards in the offing. 

Instead, it was the most embarrassing production I’ve ever seen either Cannell or Antonio be connected with. The whole thing seems slapped together like the pair were told they had ten minutes to put together ideas for the tv-movie and fifteen minutes to start filming. Continue reading

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FOES (1977) WEIRD MOVIE REVIEW

FOES (1977) – Though I’m reviewing this movie under my Bad and Weird Movies category, let me be clear that Foes is not bad and it is weird in the best way possible. I’ve watched the 91-minute version with Jerry Hardin (Deep Throat from The X-Files) and Macdonald Carey (“Like sands through the hourglass …”) top billed AND the 72-minute version with just the virtual unknowns appearing.

I much preferred the longer version because it helped add important context to the film and actually made it feel like a cross between the old TV series Project Bluebook and the aforementioned X-Files. John Coats, the writer and director of Foes, went on to a long career in visual effects and this movie nicely highlighted what he was capable of, even on a small budget. 

A married couple (Alan Blanchard and Jane Wiley) are posted at the lighthouse and marine science station on Pershing Island off the coast of California. Their daily routine turns nightmarish when a vessel from another planet shows up and subjects them to frightening and harmful scrutiny.  Continue reading

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HALLOWEEN WITH PAUL NASCHY, SPAIN’S KING OF HORROR

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Balladeer’s Blog wraps up its 2025 Halloween blog posts with a look at the horror films of the one and only Paul Naschy, real name Jacinto Molina, Spain’s King of Horror Cinema.

Over the past 15 years of writing this blog I’ve only covered Naschy’s more Psychotronic offerings, like Werewolf vs the Yeti, Dr. Jekyll vs the Wolfman, The Hunchback of the Rue Morgue and my all-time favorite – Assignment: Terror.

However, there’s much more to Paul’s filmography than those oft-recycled staples of Movie Host shows. Naschy also starred as a mummy, as Dracula, as slashers and so on. In honor of Halloween here are my brief takes on more of the man’s star vehicle horror films.

THE MARK OF THE WOLFMAN (1968) – Paul Naschy wrote and starred in this first of his many movies as the tormented lycanthrope Waldemar Daninsky. This movie was also released under the title Frankenstein’s Bloody Terror with an edited-in introduction claiming that a branch of the Frankenstein family was cursed to become werewolves. That was done purely so the distributor could pass this off as a Frankenstein film. 

In Eastern Europe of long ago, a pair of drunken gypsies accidentally revive the werewolf Imre Wolfstein by curiously removing the silver crucifix his heart was impaled with. The revived Wolfstein kills the gypsies and eventually passes his lycanthropic curse on to Polish Count Waldemar Daninsky.

After snacking on a few people during a full moon, Waldemar realizes what he has become. He sends for faraway specialists Dr. Janos de Mikhelov and his wife Wandessa, who can supposedly cure him of his curse.

It turns out the couple are actually vampires who prey on victims all over Europe. They kill a few of Waldemar’s friends and then sic Wolfstein on him. Daninsky wins that battle of werewolves and kills Wolfstein, then fights and kills the Mikhelov vampires. Continue reading

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AGAINST THE DARK (2009) STEVEN SEAGAL FIGHTS ZOMBIES?

AGAINST THE DARK (2009) – As Halloween night creeps ever closer, let’s take a look at the most atypical movie from Steven Seagal’s Down Years. Say what you will, but Against the Dark at least stands out among the Waddlin’ Warrior’s many direct to video turkeys during his Fat Elvis phase. 

Rather than just pit Seagal against interchangeable gangsters or terrorists, this flick throws him up against unliving flesh-eaters and blood-drinkers after a disease has killed off or mutated all but a few hundred million people in the world. So, it’s still a very derivative story, just not one from Steven’s usual genre.

Viewers are thrown right into the post-apocalypse setting. A disease has heavily reduced the global population. Many are dead but many more live on as violent predators who feed on the living.

Supposedly, the humanoid creatures in Against the Dark were unambiguously zombies, but co-producer Seagal apparently felt vampires were classier opponents, hence the characters calling them vampires. They also refer to the infected as “mutants” at times. Continue reading

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THE WORST MICHAEL MYERS STYLE SLASHERS FROM BAD MOVIES

masc graveyard newCan you believe it’s just one week until Halloween!

In a nod to So Bad They’re Good slasher films Balladeer’s Blog has examined some of the worst Michael Myers imitators as well as a few forerunners. FOR 13 HEAVY METAL HORROR MOVIES CLICK HERE.

horror-house-on-highway-5BARTHOLOMEW

Movie: Horror House on Highway Five (1985)

Lore: Bartholomew wore a Richard Nixon mask while slicing and dicing his victims. He was a simple-minded man transformed into an unstoppable killer by a Nazi mad scientist … A Nazi mad scientist who, strangely enough, wore a yarmulke. With a swastika on it. (?)

FOR MY FULL-LENGTH REVIEW CLICK HERE

Mr RabbeyMISTER RABBEY

Movie: The Psychopath (1975)

Lore: Mister Rabbey was a child-minded nutcase who hosted a Mister Rogers-type kiddie show. When he discovers that some of the children he visits at the local hospital have been abused by their parents he sets out to kill those abusers. He kills by strangling one victim with his security blanket but also uses weapons like a baseball bat, garden shears and a lawnmower in his deadly crusade.

FOR MY FULL-LENGTH REVIEW CLICK HERE Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE: DEAFULA (1975) FOR HALLOWEEN SEASON

Deafula BalladeerFrom 2011, this is one of my most popular Bad Movie reviews, so here it is again, 14 years later. Deafula is yet another of those bad movies that has such a bizarre premise that many used to believe the film to be an urban legend, like the turkey-monster flick Blood Freak. Get ready for a deaf vampire, a very odd witch and the most joyously goofy hunchback in cinematic history.  

Deafula 2DEAFULA (1975) – Category: A neglected bad movie classic that deserves a Plan 9-sized cult following

Good intentions go horribly wrong in this film. Much like with Blood Freak, there were people who insisted this film was just an urban legend and that it didn’t really exist. Those people were wrong. This horror film is in black and white and, as the title suggests, the vampire as well as everyone else in this movie’s world are deaf and communicate through sign language, billed as “Signscope” in the movie posters and in the opening credits, as if this was a pioneering technical gimmick on a par with Sensurround. (Although considering how lame Sensurround was there may be something to that)

Never fear, though, there is also voice-over narration provided by different people for each actor so that people who don’t know sign language can follow the story. Obviously this is all very noble, and in fact Peter Wechsburg, who produced this film and stars as Deafula, was responsible for an all-sign language newscast for the hearing impaired. That newscast originated in Portland, OR which is also where Deafula was filmed. Continue reading

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HUMPHREY BOGART AS AN UNDEAD MAD SCIENTIST: THE RETURN OF DR. X (1939)

Here’s a Balladeer’s Blog Halloween Season classic from 2011. 

Return of Dr X

THE RETURN OF DR. X (1939) – Category: Enjoyably campy bad movie elevated by kitsch-value in the casting. (Wow! I forgot I used to use categories for my Bad Movie Reviews.) 

Yes, it’s the famous “Humphrey Bogart as a zombie mad scientist” movie. The tale goes that Jack Warner inflicted this role on gangster-flick star Bogart as punishment for resisting being cast in too many formulaic crime films. This was, of course, before The Maltese Falcon made Bogie a big-time star and long before actors had the kind of contracts that they have these days.

Bogart plays the titular Dr. X, but not the same Dr. X that Lionel Atwill played in a movie of that name earlier in the decade. This Dr. X is Dr. Maurice Xavier, a mad scientist executed in the electric chair for, among other things, bizarre experiments on infants (a pretty ballsy story element in those pre- Auschwitz awareness days).

The “return” mentioned in the title refers to the fact that Bogart’s Dr. X has been brought back from the dead by the film’s secondary menace, Dr. Flegg. But let’s face it, The Return of Dr. Flegg just doesn’t have the same sinister appeal. Continue reading

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