FOR PART ONE CLICK HERE. PART TWO HERE. PART THREE HERE. PART FOUR HERE. PART FIVE HERE. PART SIX HERE. PART SEVEN HERE.
PART EIGHT – In the months since Ozidi had slain all of his father’s killers he had grown more and more cocksure. He still hungered for combat and took offense at every intended slight as a reason to battle and defeat whoever he pleased.
The people of Orua and Ado began deserting the area, preferring wild living in the jungle to living in fear of arousing the former hero Ozidi’s wrath in some unpredictable way. Even Ozidi’s sorceress grandmother Oreame was growing disillusioned with him.
Oreame was weary of having to restrain Ozidi from attacking his unfit Uncle King Temugedege’s subjects. She had returned to regularly reading oracles for anyone requesting it.
One day Engbesibeoru, the Scrotum God (Divine embodiment of scrotal elephantiasis. I’m not joking.) noticed that Ado had become all but deserted. Asking the jungle dwellers about this, he learned about Ozidi’s hubris following the success of his revenge quest.
The Scrotum God determined to deal with Ozidi for his overbearing ways. He took to wandering the region every day, hoping to one day encounter Ozidi and kill him.
NOTE: The Scrotum God is depicted by the storytellers in a comic opera way. He is a deadly and formidable opponent, but his enormous scrotum is played for grotesque laughs. The entity sometimes sits on his huge balls like an exercise ball or bounces along on them to get high in the sky or reach the treetops.
Back to the story, Engbesibeoru sat down on his testicles to rest and began smoking his pipe. The Scrotum God’s intense passion for smoking is another quality played for laughs in the public performances of the Ozidi Epic.
At last the day came when Ozidi – accompanied by his musicians, his lizard and his monkey – crossed paths with the Scrotum God. The pair exchanged several rounds of challenges and insults, including the latter’s renowned boast “You cannot get past me and my enormous scrotum!” (I want that on a T-Shirt, dammit!)
Ozidi, as usual, drew his lightning-sword out of his mouth like a scabbard and the two closed in combat. Engbesibeoru used his testicles as a weapon with which to batter Ozidi as well as to bounce away from him when necessary.
The clash of these fantastic combatants devastated the jungle, leaving tree stumps everywhere, with the comical Scrotum King tripping over them every so often. The battle went on for hours, with the Scrotum King refilling his pipe several times.
After two days of fighting, Ozidi felt humbled and cried out for his grandmother Oreama to tell him why Engbesibeoru still stood no matter how many times he drove his lightning-sword through the god’s body and punctured his scrotum (Did I mention it was big?)
Oreame was satisfied to see Ozidi’s ego take such a blow. She was happy to help her beloved grandson and gathered the charms she needed to enable him to overcome his latest opponent.
The sorceress caught a frog and a lizard, then tied them together. After that she bound both of them to a banana, sprouted wings and flew to Ozidi’s side.
Oreame told him that the Scrotum God could move his organs around under his skin and was keeping those organs out of the way of Ozidi’s sword-thrusts, thus surviving every penetration. She tossed her grandson the frog-lizard-banana charm.
Ozidi shook the charm in front of Engbesibeoru’s face, robbing him of the power to move around his organs beneath his flesh. Now our hero was able to impale the Scrotum God’s heart, killing him.
Next, Ozidi beheaded his slain foe and took the head to the Trophy Room amid the usual songs of praise from his musicians. The Scrotum God’s divine remains turned into a lake for all of Orua to utilize.
THERE ARE STILL A FEW MORE ADVENTURES FOR OZIDI IN THIS EPIC, AND I’LL CONTINUE WITH THEM NEXT TIME.
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