FRIDAY THE 13th PART 3D (1982): ON THE TEXAS TWENTY-SEVEN FILM VAULT

Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault! In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31 Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class hosted this neglected cult show. 

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Saturday February 14th, 1987 from 10:30pm to 1:00am. 

SERIAL: None. The movie, Film Vault Corps comedy sketches and commercials filled up the entire two and a half hours this time.

FILM VAULT LORE: This episode marked the second time The Texas 27 Film Vault came with a warning about violent content. It was also at least the second time they riffed on a movie that was originally in 3-D. Randy and Richard did various jokes about wearing 3-D glasses and 3-D effects coming out of the screen at them as they watched the movie.

When you throw in the previous year’s “Mock 3D” interview with Ben Johnson and the 1987 release of The Texas 27 Film Vault‘s official 3-D poster you could say Randy, Richard, Ken “Tex” Miller, Joe Riley and Laurie Savino had a definite fondness for taking shots at the whole 3-D concept.  

 FOR A LOOK AT THE 3-D TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT POSTER (courtesy of Randy Clower) –https://glitternight.com/2013/03/18/movie-hosts-the-texas-27-film-vault-poster/  

THE MOVIE: Friday the 13th Part 3-D was the most notoriously lame sequel in the Friday the 13th film series during the 1980s. Not only was it part of the laughable 1980s attempt to revive the 3-D craze of the 1950s but it’s also infamous for its DISCO VERSION of the iconic Friday the 13th theme. However it’s essential viewing for horror fans because it was the first time Jason Voorhees put on the hockey mask that is so closely associated with the character.   

Like so many of the INCREDIBLY poor Ft13th sequels this third installment starred literally nobody, featured far too many annoying characters that were obviously there just to get killed by Jason and contained dialogue that does not resemble the way any human beings anywhere have EVER communicated. It also supposedly features the highest number of false scares for a Voorhees movie with more than fifteen.  

Another aspect of the film that grates on the nerves of Friday the 13th purists is the fact that it takes place right after Friday the 13th Part 2, so it features killings taking place on Saturday the 14th and Sunday the 15th, even though Jason’s killing spree should have ended until the next Friday the 13th.

Other elements of the film worth laughing at include:

* The way the no-name lead actress can’t distinguish between screams of terror and screams of orgasmic release.

* In the bad taste department this film features Jason Voorhees’ first pregnant victim.

* Remember the tagline for the 1970’s Superman movie – “You’ll believe a man can fly”? Well with this film it could be “You’ll believe a man can sit on the toilet.”

* The slutty line of dialogue that goes “Was it you, me or the hammock?” Even if you didn’t know that was from a 1980s slasher film you would be able to guess it.

* A yo-yo is one of the 3D objects coming at the viewer. Wow!

* Ditto for popping popcorn. Horrifying!

* A drinking game could be played in the scenes where nothing seems to happen except one character calling out the other’s name over and over.

* One of Jason’s first victims in this film is a moronic woman who feels that the ideal time to take down your laundry from the line outside is in the dead of night … after just having watched a news report about how the psycho who killed kids at Crystal Lake is still on the loose!  

* At the end of the movie yet another character in the Ft13th universe goes out on the lake in a canoe. And yet again a figure emerges from the lake to attack them. In this case it’s Mrs Voorhees, whose rotted, zombie form has somehow had its head reattached.  

* The trio of supposedly badass bikers who are so goofy and ineffective not even Aaron Von Zepper would want them in his gang. 

IN THE NEAR FUTURE BALLADEER’S BLOG WILL PRESENT MORE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT MILESTONES.

Be here to share the Film Vault Corp’s mission of “safeguarding America’s schlock-culture heritage”.

FOR ADDITIONAL INFO ON THIS SHOW –https://glitternight.com/texas-27-film-vault/

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