It’s Presidents Day Weekend! Here are some takes on the more recent presidents.
DWIGHT EISENHOWER
Character Type: Well-meaning but befuddled sitcom grandfather.
Military Service: World War One and World War Two
Motto: “FOOORE!” (Remember, the traditional cry as you’re teeing off in golf? Oh, never mind!)
Nickname: Uncle Milty
Pro: Knew enough to distrust Richard Nixon long before it became the national pasttime.
Con: Was the first president to pronounce nuclear as “nucular”.
JOHN F KENNEDY
Character Type: Rich playboy who disdained both Liberals and Conservatives and played by his own rules.
Military Service: World War Two
Motto: “Thank God for television!”
Nickname: FDR
Pro: The man was shrewd enough to distrust both liberals and conservatives equally. I can’t praise that attitude highly enough given our present circumstances.
Con: I can’t find out what happened to this guy. Anybody hear anything?
LYNDON JOHNSON
Character Type: Sleazy J.R. Ewing wielding political power.
Military Service: Tiny, early sliver of World War Two before Franklin Roosevelt summoned him back to his Congressional seat.
Motto: “Hey, hey, LBJ, how many lies did you tell today?”
Nickname: Lucky Lindy/ The Eagle of the USA (interchangeable)
Pro: His handling of domestic issues has been sadly underappreciated.
Con: Once claimed that “Vietnam is like the Alamo” even though Vietnam was crawling with more people from Texas than the Alamo ever was. (Thank you! I’m here all week!)
RICHARD NIXON
Character Type: Sinister stalker on a police drama.
Military Service: World War Two
Motto: “You b******s stop that f*****g s**t about my c***-sucking administration and those m***********g b*****t lies about those c***s at the f*****g Watergate Building!”
Nickname: The Unindicted Co-Conspirator In Chief
Pro: Helped prolong comedian Rich Little’s career by a full decade at least.
Con: Was so emotionally unstable and insecure that he might have become a crazed loner/ serial killer type if he hadn’t gone into politics.
GERALD FORD
Character Type: Mister Bean if he was from from Michigan.
Military Service: World War Two
Motto: “Huh?”
Nickname: The Black Moses of Soul
Pro: Provided much- needed comic relief to the country following the Nixon scandals.
Con: Lost to the ridiculous Jimmy Carter … JIMMY CARTER!
JIMMY CARTER
Character Type: Goober from The Andy Griffith Show and Hee Haw goes to the White House.
Military Service: U.S. Navy during Korean War period but was never sent to a War Zone.
Motto: “What Grant and Harding were to corruption Jimmy Carter was to incompetence.”
Nickname: The Global Village Idiot or The Once and Future National Embarrassment, take your pick. Sure, they’re kind of unwieldy but they capture Jimmy perfectly!
Pro: His every action went so hilariously wrong his term played like one long “Don’t let this happen to you” lesson for future presidents.
Con: Never met a dictator whose butt he didn’t immediately kiss, while implying other countries could learn a lot from said dictators.
RONALD REAGAN
Character Type: Chef Boy-Ardee.
Military Service: None, but seemed to think his movies counted.
Motto: “A clueless figurehead who incessantly spouted mindless right- wing dogma.”
Nickname: The Boil On History’s Buttocks
Pro: Once starred in films with Errol Flynn.
Con: Was the very embodiment of the “Greed is good” 1980s.
GEORGE H.W. BUSH
Character Type: Persnickety bitch.
Military Service: World War Two
Motto: “If not for Ronald Reagan I’d never have been elected!”
Nickname: Ike
Pro: Unlike his predecessor, he actually knew what decade it was.
Con: His every word and deed was more annoying than fingernails on a chalkboard.
BILL CLINTON
Character Type: Sleazy southern sheriff.
Military Service: Raped and pillaged, but never as part of any official military unit.
Motto: “Don’t resign like that pussy Nixon did! Make ’em DRAG you out if they can!”
Nickname: Old Trailer Park Trash
Pro: Actually displayed some fundamental administrative competence.
Con: Used the office of the presidency as a get-rich- quick scheme.
GEORGE W. BUSH
Character Type: Pampered rich boy whose family’s money shields him from adverse consequences no matter how much damage he causes.
Military Service: National Guard (wink)
Motto: ” Criticism of my speaking abilities is like ducks off my back … or water we’ve all passed under the bridge, or something.”
Nickname: The Sage of Walden Pond
Pro: When I think of one I’ll get back to you.
Con: Completely squandered the general good will that many nations were willing to extend to the United States after the 9-11 attacks.
**** BARACK OBAMA IS OFFICIALLY THE WORST U.S. PRESIDENT IN HISTORY ****
BARACK OBAMA
Character Type: Spoiled only child whose parents overpraised him and shielded him from criticism, resulting in him falling to pieces and blaming others every time he realizes he’s inadequate.
Military Service: You have got to be kidding.
Motto: “A clueless figurehead who incessantly spouted mindless left- wing dogma!”
Nickname: A tie between “The Condescender-In- Chief” and “The Tabula Rasa On Which The Sixties Generation Writes Their Presidential Fantasies”
Pro: He and his hopelessly embittered wife made as many stupid remarks as George W Bush ever did and they’re all immortalized on Youtube!
Con: Simple- mindedly insisted on viewing the 21st century strictly in terms of the issues and conflicts of the 1960s because he had no ideas of his own.
DONALD TRUMP
Character Type: Non-politician, so not as scuzzy as other recent presidents. Think Richard Channing from Falcon Crest -ruthless but not entirely malevolent.
Military Service: His single-handed battle with America’s notoriously corrupt political system just might count.
Motto: “The clueless Republicans weren’t using their political party apparatus for anything useful so I decided to borrow it for awhile.”
Nickname: Agent Orange/ Prince Donald of Orange (Tie)
Pro: Is not Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton. Also, he kept Jeb Bush out of the Oval Office.
Con: Because he is so hated by the movers and shakers of America’s virtual Third World cesspool of politics and money we have to sit through minute-by-minute media blitzes about every single thing the man says and does.
Well, there you go! Now liberal zombies can accuse me of being a conservative and conservative zombies can accuse me of being a liberal! What a strange thing the American political scene has become thanks to uncompromising partisan zealots. Anyway, enjoy this holiday dedicated to a long line of people who abused the public trust while feathering their own nests and lecturing their constituents about living up to a moral and ethical code they themselves constantly violated.
FOR PART ONE – WASHINGTON TO CLEVELAND, ROUND ONE, CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2012/02/19/balladeers-blogs-presidential-pros-and-cons/
FOR ALL 44 CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/2013/02/14/presidential-pros-and-cons-from-balladeers-blog-washington-to-cleveland/
AND FOR MORE OF MY TAKES ON MINDLESS LIBERALS AND MINDLESS CONSERVATIVES CLICK HERE: https://glitternight.com/category/liberals-and-conservatives/
© Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog, 2012-2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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many a comedian prolonged rich littles career
Ha! That is true!
This is a great takedown of Obama! He was a failure!
Thanks! I agree!
I love your take on both parties.
Thanks!
I hate republicans and democrats too.
That is good to hear!
President Trump is much more handsome than JFK.
That’s interesting to hear you say that, Jasimine.
Trump is my hero now! Best president EVAH!
I know how you feel!
I don’t think Kennedy was all that handsome.
I’m straight so I never really thought about it.
It looks like you like more Democrats.
Probably so, but things are so polarized right now I get accused of being Republican because I recognize how awful Obama was.
The Nixon stuff was so funny!
Thanks!
I was glad to see you listed Obama as the worst president.
Thanks. He was also the least qualified.
Trump and Clinton were my favorite presidents so far!
Good choices!
President Trump is the best ever!
So far he certainly is!
Carter was a joke.
That is certainly true.
These were so funny and I loved the nicknames you came up with!
Ha! Thank you!
The only president you didn’t like on this list was a an of color. Tells me all I need to know.
StewNWT, you’re obviously a moron and you have incredibly poor reading skills. I bashed plenty of these presidents you brain-dead dolt. Stop sniveling.
President Trump is the best president your country has had in a very long time.
I agree.
Trump and Franklin Roosevelt have a lot in common.
I agree.
Barack Obama was so awful and so corrupt.
That’s true.
Obama really was the worst!
Yes he was!
President Trump has helped the poor more than Obama ever did!
That’s for sure!
Obama was the worst. Ever.
That is true.
Very nice! It was funny with a little bit of educational remarks about the presidents too!
Thank you very much!
These were so great! I loved almost all of them.
Thank you very much.
President Trump is a great man!
You know it.
This is the best take on the presidents I’ve ever seen!
Thank you very much!
Great post! These made me laugh and learn things. Trump is the greatest!
Thank you! He certainly is!
Amazing and funny! I laughed the most at Obama and GW Bush!
Thank you!
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