FLORENCE HENDERSON AND FIDEL CASTRO DEAD IN APPARENT SUICIDE PACT

Theirs was a love story that will be told and retold for centuries. Florence Henderson passed away this past Thursday night and, to the surprise of no one, Fidel Castro decided life was not worth living in a world without Mrs Brady and took his own life at age 90.

“Flo-Fid,” as the celebrity couple was called, were an odd mix from the start. Over the decades Florence Henderson would often express her feelings toward Castro by calling him “that murderous thug dictator” while the lovesick Fidel would simply restate his undying love for her.

As Henderson once tenderly recalled “That sickening piece of garbage just cannot understand that I’m not really Mrs Brady from The Brady Bunch. I despise him and everything about him. The world will be a better place when he’s gone.” 

Castro would simply reply to such sentiments from his beloved by saying “We are like the Sam and the Diane from Cheers, no?” People magazine often stated that “the lady doth protest too much.”

CNN reporters stated that the way the deaths came so close to each other is a clear rebuke to Donald Trump … But they also said that about the sun rising this morning.

Jack Nicholson and Sean Penn, just two of the uninformed celebrity dolts who worshipped Castro, have announced they will produce a movie about Fidel and Florence. Currently untitled, the Hollywood pair vowed that the film would “completely gloss over the way Castro oppressed and raped Cuba, and will ignore the treatment of political prisoners in the island nation.”

Both men stated that the villain of the film will be an American president whose character will be a thinly-veiled version of Donald Trump, “the most evil dictator in recent history” as they called him.

As yet unproduced, the movie has already been nominated for multiple Oscars.