Tag Archives: Star Wars

May 4, 2017 · 1:45 pm

STAR WARS MEETS THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY: THE MICRONAUTS

Micronauts 1May the 4th live long and prosper … or something or other. With this Star Wars festival coming right before tomorrow’s debut of the second Guardians of the Galaxy movie I figured a look at The Micronauts would be appropriate.  

The Micronauts was one of those oddly-conceived Marvel Comics titles from the late 70s and early 80s that were about forcing a continuing storyline around an already-existing toy franchise. (Rom: Spaceknight was another example of this ultimate in ass-backward storytelling.)

And a young Joel Schumacher mused "Nipples on black armor, eh? Hmmmmm."

And a young Joel Schumacher mused “Nipples on black armor, eh? Hmmmmm.”

The above example of Six Degrees of George Lucas or whatever you want to call it was just my odd way of pointing out my reasoning for posting this item on the 4th of May.

The Micronauts (First Issue: January 1979) was mostly a strained imitation of the Star Wars universe but also had a few similarities with Marvel’s ORIGINAL Guardians of the Galaxy. Those Guardians – Vance Astro, Charley-27, Yondu and Martinex – were freedom fighters waging a guerilla war to free 30th Century Earth from the dictatorial rule of its alien conquerors, the lizardlike Badoon race.

Baron Karza horseThe Micronauts was set in the Microverse, a sub-atomic universe which was being ruled by the evil, black-armored Baron Karza, one of the most blatant Darth Vader ripoffs this side of Japan’s Swords of the Space Ark movies. Karza could detach his arms and legs and could transform the lower half of his body into that of a black horse (think of Centaurs) for no better reason than the fact that THAT was the gimmick of the Baron Karza toys. Kids could move around the arms and legs or replace his regular body with the horse-like lower body. Oh what fun! (?) Continue reading →

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January 6, 2017 · 11:35 pm

STAR WARS EPISODE EIGHT SPOILERS II

harrison-ford

… … The elderly hobo who gave me this scoop. … …

Balladeer’s Blog has plenty of top sources in the industry, and of course by the industry I mean the business. Last January one of those sources leaked some spoilers to me about Star Wars Episode Eight: Attack of the Twelve Death Stars.

Strangely enough, a shabby old homeless guy was the source of this second set of spoilers. One of my other highly-placed sources assured me they knew a guy who had a lot of inside information about the new Star Wars films and arranged a secret meeting on a street corner.

Frankly the elderly hobo who showed up at the assigned place made me skeptical at first but maybe he was just in disguise because his info turned out to be rock solid and verifiable. I gave the guy a dollar to help him maintain his cover as a confused beggar and went on my way.

SPOILERS: THE SENSES-SHATTERING ORIGIN OF THE JEDI KNIGHTS – Luke Skywalker really HAS discovered the very first Jedi Temple on that island where Rey found him at the end of Episode Seven.

From the relics Luke examined he learned that the Jedi Knights were originally formed as a performance dance troupe. Their planet of origin was the site of that temple and, like all planets in the Star Wars universe every square inch of it is the same. This planet is composed of endless seas broken up here and there by islands with stone staircases on them.

The Jedi Knights were renowned for their dance moves, especially their back-flips and display of the “one-armed man’s jazz hands” stance. As time went on the pack of appealing, androgynous dancers wanted to spice up their act, so they invented batons that had lasers coming out both ends.

These “light batons” looked dazzling as the Jedi Knights twirled them around while dancing. The only down side was that if you weren’t careful the lasers could cut off one of your own limbs or the limbs of one of your co-dancers. Eons before those light batons began to be used as weapons there was already a tradition of Jedi Knights cutting each other’s hands, arms and legs off. Continue reading →

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January 10, 2016 · 9:27 pm

STAR WARS EPISODE EIGHT SPOILERS

Not pictured: my secret source

Not pictured: my secret source

Balladeer’s Blog has just learned some spoilers regarding the next Star Wars movie. My secret top-level source in the industry – and by the industry I mean the business – tells me that:

*** Episode Eight will feature TWO Death Stars!

*** Han Solo masters the Force as easily as everybody else can and comes back as a Force Ghost like Obi Wan Kenobi and Yoda, etc. Continue reading →

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December 24, 2014 · 3:36 am

THE MICRONAUTS: WHEN STAR WARS MET THE GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

Micronauts 1Christmas time is largely about toys. Selling toys is largely what George Lucas, the man behind the Star Wars franchise, is all about. The Micronauts was one of those oddly-conceived Marvel Comics titles from the late 70s and early 80s that were about forcing a continuing storyline around an already-existing toy franchise. (Rom: Spaceknight was another example of this ultimate in ass-backward storytelling.)

And a young Joel Schumacher mused "Nipples on black armor, eh? Hmmmmm."

And a young Joel Schumacher mused “Nipples on black armor, eh? Hmmmmm.”

The above example of Six Degrees of George Lucas or whatever you want to call it was just my odd way of pointing out my reasoning for posting this item on Christmas Eve. The Micronauts (First Issue: January 1979) was mostly a strained imitation of the Star Wars universe but also had a few similarities with Marvel’s ORIGINAL Guardians of the Galaxy. Those Guardians – Vance Astro, Charley-27, Yondu and Martinex – were freedom fighters waging a guerilla war to free 30th Century Earth from the dictatorial rule of its alien conquerors, the lizardlike Badoon race.

Baron Karza horseThe Micronauts was set in the Microverse, a sub-atomic universe which was being ruled by the evil, black-armored Baron Karza, one of the most blatant Darth Vader ripoffs this side of Japan’s Swords of the Space Ark movies. Karza could detach his arms and legs and could transform the lower half of his body into that of a black horse (think of Centaurs) for no better reason than the fact that THAT was the gimmick of the Baron Karza toys. Kids could move around the arms and legs or replace his regular body with the horse-like lower body. Oh what fun! (?) Continue reading →

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September 5, 2011 · 5:54 pm

SPECIAL GUEST COMMENTATOR KARA LAIRD REVIEWS THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL (1978)

“The Force is strong with this one.”

This adorable little girl who could charm a Bantha into submission is Kara Laird. Her parents are Brian Laird (Official Balladeer’s Blog Nickname: The Techno-Baron) and Rachel Laird (Official Balladeer’s Blog Nickname: Jedi Mom) who is a coworker of mine when she’s not performing in her one-woman show Buckner! (Yes, she’s a Red Sox fan) Rachel is a huge fan of the original Star Wars trilogy and is passing her enthusiasm on to her daughter. Kara has such Force-Sensitivity in fact, that she’s able to review the steaming pile of diaper-sauce that IS 1978’s telefilm called The Star Wars Holiday Special. Well, like Yoda said “Size matters not”, so let me turn you over to “the littlest critic”, Kara.

KARA: Hello, kittens! In my brief stay so far in this plane of existence I’ve picked up quite a bit about you people’s pop culture and I felt I could bring some fresh perspective to George Lucas’ fall to the Dark Side. Many Star Wars fans seem to feel that Lucas AKA Darth EdWoodLite began his fall with the first film in the prequel trilogy, The Phantom Menace. Actually, however, there were plenty of clues before then that George wasn’t all he was cracked up to be. Even in the original Star Wars movie let me remind you Continue reading →

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