For April Fool’s Day here’s a look at one of the original Fool Killer Letters from Charles Napoleon Bonaparte Evans’ newspaper the Milton Chronicle. This one expresses his disgust with the Civil War tearing the nation apart and his intention to hibernate until it’s over.
FOR PART ONE, INCLUDING THE HISTORICAL CONTEXT, CLICK HERE
PART THREE: The third surviving Fool Killer Letter. (See Part One for an explanation)
As with ancient Greek comedies and so many old movies from the Silent Era, it is terrible that so few of the original Fool Killer Letters have survived. The author of those mock letters from the homicidal vigilante called the Fool Killer was Charles Napoleon Bonaparte Evans, editor of The Milton Chronicle.
In the two previous surviving letters, one from 1857 and one from 1859, we saw that the Fool Killer – like his creator Evans a member of the dying Whig Party – bitterly opposed secession. And like his fellow Southerner Sam Houston condemned the fools bringing on a destructive Civil War.
After this 1861 letter Evans retired the Fool Killer for a time by having the darkly satirical figure stating that he was washing his hands of this nation of fools who had unleashed such a catastrophe. By 1870 Evans brought back the vaguely supernatural figure, who claimed he had been hibernating in a cave since 1861 and had emerged to resume killing corrupt politicians and societal nuisances.
JUNE 28th, 1861 – From “Down about Norfolk, VA.” (The Fool Killer wandered North Carolina and Virginia – which back then still included what is now West Virginia – and the dark-humored Fool Killer Letters were syndicated in several newspapers in addition to his North Carolina “birth place” the Milton Chronicle.)
This letter started out with Jesse Holmes – the name the fictional murderer claimed was his real identity – railing to Editor Evans:
“When the historian comes to record the cause of the downfall of this once proud and mighty Republic, tell him, for me, to put in these words, to wit: It fell by the hands of Fools!
“I tried my best to avert the dire calamity – I wielded my club (* With which he slew his victims) by day and by night – I bathed it in the blood of demagogues, designing politicians, fanatics, rapscallions and scoundrels” … “I called loudly for help to demolish the fools that seemed to be everywhere springing up like the green grass of this Mother Earth on which you and I tread but alas! alas! too few heard my warning and came to the rescue.”
In this letter the Fool Killer adds a collection of Bowie knives to his arsenal alongside his ever-present club/ walking stick/ cudgel. Future incarnations of the Fool Killer in folk tales, short stories, novels and plays will assign him various axes, guns and even a scythe.
We rejoin the homicidal vigilante’s account of his recent activities and the victims who fell to his club and his knives, each blade inscribed with the words “Fool Killer.” Continue reading
THE PHANTOM CHARIOT OF CUCHULAINN (Siaburchapat Con Culaind) – This tale is dated to around the mid-400s A.D. because of the presence of St. Patrick. 
The next day, St. Patrick and King Loegaire are both on hand at the appointed place when Cuchulainn appears, riding in his chariot driven by his usual charioteer Laege. The demigod’s two horses – the Dub Sainglend (black horse of Saingliu) and the Liath Macha (gray horse of Macha) – are pulling the chariot. 
STANISLAV SZUKALSKI (1893-1987) – Just as L. Ron Hubbard went from being a pulp story writer to founder of a nutzoid religion, Stanislav Szukalski went from being a celebrated, even brilliant, artist to founder of an equally irrational belief system. 
The topic of this blog post, however, is Zermatism, the insane philosophy that Szukalski founded in 1940. He named it after the city of Zermatt, where he was convinced that survivors of a pre-deluge civilization settled. 
These are the legends about Charlemagne and his Paladins, not the actual history, so there will be dragons, monsters and magic. 
These are the legends about Charlemagne and his Paladins, not the actual history, so there will be dragons, monsters and magic. 
ROLAND BATTLES MOROCCAN CORSAIRS – The Paladins recently freed by Astolpho from the prison of the sorcerer Atlantes all hastened to rejoin Emperor Charlemagne’s army. The war against the Muslim invaders from colonized Spain and North Africa was still raging. 
These are the legends about Charlemagne and his Paladins, not the actual history, so there will be dragons, monsters and magic. 
These are the legends about Charlemagne and his Paladins, not the actual history, so there will be dragons, monsters and magic. 
These are the legends about Charlemagne and his Paladins, not the actual history, so there will be dragons, monsters and magic. 
RUGGIERO MEETS PRINCESS ANGELICA – When we last saw Bradamante, the Paladin in White Armor, she was continuing her quest to find her beloved Ruggiero. He was a Muslim warrior who was allied with the Saracens who had invaded the realm of Emperor Charlemagne from colonized Spain. 
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