BAD MOVIE: TOWING (1978) WITH JOE MANTEGNA, SUE LYON, DENNIS FRANZ AND MIKE NUSSBAUM

TOWING (1978) – How obscure is this flick? As of this writing there are only 2 user reviews of it at IMDb. That actually makes Towing better known than some of the other flicks I’ve reviewed here at Balladeer’s Blog, but the fact that Joe Mantegna, Sue Lyon, Dennis Franz, Mike Nussbaum, Jennifer Ashley and J.J. Johnston are in this movie make it worth examining.   

What’s this movie about? Well, let me start by pointing out that sometimes bad movies are as effective as folk songs at preserving a tiny portion of history or cultural zeitgeist that would otherwise be completely forgotten as the decades go by.

Towing is about that period in the 1970s when Chicago tow-truck operators scandalously began towing vehicles out of parking lots based on VERY questionable grounds of being in violation of city regulations. The sleazy towing companies would charge the vehicle owners much larger than reasonable fees to get them back.

The overwhelming majority of car owners needed their vehicles back ASAP and would simply grumble and pay. A very small but growing number of victims of these operations began speaking out, however. Eventually, iconic columnist Mike Royko wrote several pieces about the dirty, quasi-legal shakedown operation.

A novelty song by Steve Goodman labeled the most prominent towing thugs The Lincoln Park Pirates in honor of their location in the Windy City. The song featured lyrics like “Way, hey, tow ’em away/ The Lincoln Park Pirates are we/ From Wilmette to Gary/ There’s none that’s so hairy/ And we always collect our fee.”

There was also a part that went “Be it Edsel or Chevy/ There’s no car too heavy” and so on.

With that kind of cultural kitsch background, you might expect Towing to do for this metropolitan scandal what Convoy did for truckers & CB radios or what Ray Stevens did for the streaking fad with his song The Streak.

You’d be as disappointed as I was, though. This movie is incredibly dull and, though ostensibly a comedy, laughs are in short supply.

Psychotronic favorite Jennifer Ashley (right) and Lolita herself, Sue Lyon, star along with Joe Mantegna. Lyon’s career was just ending and Mantegna’s was just beginning, adding a weird meta element to their romantic relationship.

At any rate, Jean (Ashley) and Lynn (Lyon) work at a bar where patrons have been complaining about the underhanded tactics of Justice Towing, a company run by Butch (J.J. Johnston). One night Jean herself becomes a victim of the towing shakedown that I detailed above when a customer blames her for their car getting shanghaied and gets her fired.

In her anger she drags Lynn and their boyfriends Tony (Bobby Di Cicco) and Chris (Mantegna) into her crusade against Butch and company. Jean and Lynn get new jobs at a gas station across the street from Butch’s establishment. 

From that strategic location they wage their limp, lame war with Butch. Believe me, the would-be hijinks are very, VERY far from Delta House vs Omega Theta Pi. Hell, even Kurt Russell and Jack Warden in Used Cars were more lively than Jean, Lynn, Chris and Tony.

The main characters are so drab that filler scenes are stuffed in with Steven Kampmann – lying Kirk Devane from Newhart – and his lady friend carrying out their own pranks against Justice Towing. 

After much rivalry shenanigans, pointlessly serious moments and scenes that seem like they aren’t even in the right order, Jean and company triumph. They trick Butch into towing the car of the daughter of Chicago’s mayor who is clearly a caricature of Richard J. Daley. The infuriated mayor gives Butch and his towing company their comeuppance.

I yawned in appreciation of this happy ending and was glad to see the closing credits.

That’s the story of and that’s the glory of Towing, which was also released under the titles Garage Girls and Who Stole My Wheels? Female writer and director Maura Smith helmed Towing, her one and only non-documentary project. 

Joe Mantegna claims his frequent collaborator, playwright David Mamet, wrote some scenes for Towing but they wound up not being used. I’m betting they wouldn’t have helped this “hey, how about that” footnote in film history anyway.