EVEN MORE HILARIOUSLY WRONG PREDICTIONS FROM PSYCHICS

One of Balladeer’s Blog’s biggest hits in recent years was my look at 55 Hilariously Wrong Predictions From Psychics (click HERE ). You readers have been asking for more, so here we go with predictions for 1975-2000:

New York City underwaterMALCOLM BESSENT

*** By 1979 the United States will have a war with China.

*** New York city will be uninhabitable by 1980 because of rising water levels. People are STILL trying to sell that one. They just keep pushing the alleged time period further and further into the future.

DAVID BUBAR

*** By 1980 social drinking will virtually come to an end in America due to health consciousness.

*** By 1979 M.D.’s will ally themselves with faith healers. (Maybe as a Bowling League, but certainly in no other way)

*** By 1990 psychics will hold important government positions as intuition and clairvoyance become more important.

nuke-the-moon*** During the 1980s consumption of the chemicals in food will cause generations of freakishly tall people. Their abnormal size will weaken their bodies and personalities.

*** By the mid-1980s both America and the Soviet Union will try to colonize the moon, leading to military “police actions” on the moon itself.

*** Invisible rays will be harnessed to guide space travel. (I just don’t see that ever happening … See what I did there?) 

*** A superior species of human will be developed outside the female body by 1990.

*** Also by 1990 human beings will be able to harness their thoughts into images on a television-like screen and telephones will be used for thought transmissions.

*** In 1986 a TAD – Thought Action Deed machine will appear. This device will allow scientists to tune into past, present or future events. (Remember when that happened in 1986?) 

*** By the year 2000 either American or Russian scientists will invent invisibility devices which look like either a flashlight or an aerosol can.

*** Also by the year 2000 people will be able to unleash their Astral Bodies to travel to other places while they sleep, so that they can explore or conduct business. 

Criswell predictsCRISWELL

Okay, it’s up to you if you think anything predicted by Criswell should EVER have been taken seriously, but he was credited with accurately predicting the Six-Day War in 1967, Ronald Reagan’s election as Governor of California, Jayne Mansfield’s death, the assassination of “a black civil rights leader” in 1968 and that President John F Kennedy would not run for reelection in 1964 because of “something that would happen to him” in November 1963.

*** In the late 1970s a female physicist in Nebraska will discover anti-magnetic forces which will make space travel possible.

*** In 1976 the U.S. will join Canada and Mexico in a Common Market.

*** In March of that same year, the United States government will give almost all of New Mexico back to Native American tribes. (The ultimate “Screw You” to the hate group La Raza!)

*** In 1977 a disease will kill all the cattle in Wisconsin. (All the Cattle in Wisconsin would make a great title for a country western song)

*** No rain will fall for 10 months in 1977, tides will end and ships will run aground. A “black death” will wipe out thousands of people. Droughts from the lack of rain will force migrations of people to the North and South Poles to get water by melting ice. When rain finally falls again after the 10 month drought it will cause flooding and a woman in Pratt, KS (?) will save the lives of 500 people and become a national heroine. (Joan of Pratt?)   

*** On August 27th, 1977 a VOLCANO will rise in Lago Maggiore in Switzerland.

*** In 1978 Lake Michigan will be drained for land use.

*** By the year 1980 New York City will be under water. (Apparently humanity’s seminal dream is for New York City to be submerged)

*** From November 28th to December of 1980, Pennsylvanians will be afflicted by an outbreak of cannibalism caused by an experiment that goes awry.

*** By 1980 all of the mentally ill people in the U.S. will be sent to a complex in Oregon built by the federal government. (In actuality they’re all defecating on the streets of San Francisco)

*** By 1981 the federal government will have put birth-control substances in the water system. In order to conceive, people will need to get a pill from the government. (Presumably to counteract the birth-control substances)

*** In 1981 Montana will become the Penal State. (Now THAT would look good on a license plate!) All criminals given prison sentences will be sent there.

*** On February 11th, 1981, a foreign power will attempt to bomb the United States. The attempt will fail but 50 people in Vermont will be killed. (If only Ben and Jerry had been among them!)

*** Between February 11th and May 11th, 1983, all the women in Saint Louis will lose their hair. (I guess on May 12th they’ll find it again)

*** In 1985 North Dakota will legalize polygamy. (North Dakota?) 

*** Also in 1985 Texas will split into 3 separate states.

*** In 1988 extraterrestrials will visit the Earth. (At last! Dan Quayle explained!)

*** On October 18th, 1988, a meteor will hit London, almost destroying the city. (Stiff Upper Lip Brits will refer to the event as “the recent unpleasantness”)

*** In the 1980s Mexico City will sink into a lakebed and all of its people will be evacuated.

*** Also in the 1980s all pollution problems will be solved. (Well THAT’S a relief!)

*** By the year 2000 space flights to Venus, Mars and Neptune will be a reality. 

12 Comments

Filed under humor, opinion

12 responses to “EVEN MORE HILARIOUSLY WRONG PREDICTIONS FROM PSYCHICS

  1. Cara

    I saw what you did there.

    And I have to add;
    It’s not mentally retarded people who are defecating on the streets of San Francisco.
    AND
    There are birth control substances in water.

  2. Les

    The weirdly specific predictions are my favorites!

  3. Pingback: BEST OF NOVEMBER 2019 | Balladeer's Blog

  4. Scelfe

    These are great! More of these!

  5. Valdemort

    Psychics are a scam!

  6. Nate K

    Pretty funny and wild!

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