MOCK HEADLINES: JULY 12th

JOE BIDEN PROCLAIMS ” I RESPECT NO BORDERS” AND THREATENS TO “KICK TIME ZONES IN THE ASS!” 

BERNIE SANDERS DECLARES EVERYTHING SHOULD BE FREE EXCEPT HIS SPEECHES! VOWS TO KEEP GREEDILY HORDING HIS OBSCENE SPEAKING FEES!

DEMOCRAT CHUCK SCHUMER DEFENDS THE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS JEFFREY EPSTEIN “DONATED” TO HIS CAMPAIGN; DENIES LOLITA IS HIS FAVORITE NOVEL

THE MORE THAT DEMOCRAT FASCISTS GET PUSHBACK FOR THEIR VILE TREATMENT OF OTHERS THE MORE THEY ACCUSE THEIR VICTIMS OF BEING “UNCIVIL”

JOE BIDEN VOWS TO WRITE AN EXECUTIVE ORDER ELIMINATING LONGITUDE AND LATITUDE IF ELECTED

FIRST LADY MELANIA TRUMP STILL SPEAKS MORE LANGUAGES THAN BOTH OBAMAS COMBINED

DEMOCRATS BLAME TRUMP FOR THE FACT THAT MORE AND MORE PEOPLE NOW STAND UP TO DEMOCRATS’ FASCIST INTIMIDATION TACTICS

DEMOCRATS CALL FOR A RETURN TO THE PRE-TRUMP CUSTOM OF PEOPLE LETTING DEMOCRATS TREAT EVERYONE LIKE GARBAGE WITHOUT FIGHTING BACK

“IT’S DIVISIVE FOR OUR INTENDED VICTIMS TO FIGHT BACK,” DEMOCRATS INSIST

BIDEN AND BERNIE EXPRESS DISGUST OVER THE CORRUPT POLITICAL SYSTEM THEY’VE HELPED RUN ALL OF THEIR ADULT LIVES

PEOPLE WHO HATED TRUMP YESTERDAY STILL HATE HIM TODAY (THIS IS NEVER NEWS, BUT THE DEMOCRATS IN THE MEDIA SEEM TO THINK IT IS)

DEMOCRATS CALL FOR MASS DEPORTATIONS OF EVERYONE WHO IS NOT A REGISTERED DEMOCRAT

NOTORIOUS RACIST NANCY PELOSI CONTINUES TO ATTACK CRAZED CHIPMUNK AOC

DEMOCRATS ENCOURAGE MUELLER TO WRITE A NOVEL FICTIONALIZING WHAT HE THINKS HAPPENED SO THEY CAN CONTINUE BEATING THE DEAD RUSSIAN COLLUSION HORSE. PROMISE MORE HEARINGS ON WHAT EACH LINE OF THE NOVEL IS REFERRING TO