MOVIE REVIEW: THE BADLANDS BEAUTY (2014)

THE BADLANDS BEAUTY (2014)

The Badlands Beauty (2014- Glitternight Productions) is an explosive action film starring the supermodel known as M*E*T*A*L. Regular readers of Balladeer’s Blog will remember M*E*T*A*L as the beautiful woman who poses as Edward Wozniak’s Neo-Pulp superheroine the Matriarch.

M*E*T*A*L is moving into acting in what may be the most memorable movie debut since Eddie Murphy in 48 Hours. Our gorgeous heroine is an outlaw biker babe who can out-drink, out-shoot, out-fight and out-ride all of the male bikers in her dangerous circles. While M*E*T*A*L – called Nomad in the film – is partying hard at a dive in an unnamed town in northern Mexico she gets ogled by several gunmen in the employ of the local drug cartel’s boss. Unable to resist Nomad’s allure the thugs try to force themselves on her only to wind up being hospitalized for weeks when the two-fisted beauty teaches them to keep their hands to themselves.

The next morning Nomad is sleeping off her hard night and nursing a hangover when she finds herself surrounded by over a dozen of the cartel boss’s hoods, all with their guns aimed at various portions of her incredible body. The goons take her to their leader who offers the capable young goddess a job in his organization. The boss is named Velez and is played with consummate sleaze by Desimone Desimone.

Velez tries to recruit our heroine by giving her the run of his sprawling mansion plus access to booze and any other substance she feels like ingesting. He doesn’t even object when Nomad improvises some entertainment of her own by organizing a tournament of hand-to-hand combat for Velez’s goons, with the winner each night getting bedroom privileges with the lovely lady.

The audience loses a little sympathy for M*E*T*A*L’s character when she agrees to work for the drug lord, but it turns out she’s just playing along in order to get out of his fortress home alive. Her first job is smuggling cocaine into the United States by way of her skill on a Harley but Nomad sets fire to the load of contraband once she’s several miles away, an act witnessed by Velez’s gunmen who were observing our gorgeous star from their high-tech helicopter far above.

A thrilling chase between the chopper and the motorcycle-mounted Nomad gets underway with the lethal lady using the vacant buildings in an abandoned border town to her advantage. She brings the chopper down in one of the most exciting – if far-fetched – action sequences in the movie, outraging the drug lord who now sends a virtual fleet of vehicles in pursuit of the woman who double-crossed him. For her part Nomad scavenges some extra weaponry from the downed helicopter and resumes her ride north toward America, armed to the teeth and ready for whatever Velez can throw at her.

The rest of the movie combines the best elements of the Fast and Furious movies with the “gun-fu” action copied from so many Hong Kong action films these days. The absolutely stunning M*E*T*A*L acquits herself well in her first screen role and rises above the formulaic story. In addition she notoriously did most of her own stunts for The Badlands Beauty. No doubt about it, this lethal lady could carry several more movies all by herself.

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