Rats get killed, cockroaches get killed, and Bin Laden got killed. One year after the death of this utter failure and rabid animal I figured what better time to repost one of my most popular comedy bits from last year. I posted an article joking about the possibility of Bin Laden’s wives getting their own reality show. Here it is again, complete with the original comments so the conversation can be continued. Let’s once again stick it to homophobic, misogynist, xenophobic Muslim fanatics like Bin Laden by laughing – something they don’t seem capable of.
Yes, in the spirit of Sister Wives and Mob Wives, it’s We Married A Madman, a Pakistani- produced reality tv show following life from the point of view of the late Osama Bin Laden’s wives. Early reports indicate this is why the Pakistanis were less than cooperative with U.S. military and intelligence personnel about Bin Laden’s whereabouts. A raid would have spoiled production of this guaranteed ratings blockbuster. A highly- placed Pakistani source confirmed this for me recently.
“There we were, finally poised to get our piece of the reality tv pie”, he bemoaned, “when those damn Navy Seals come in and spoil everything! It’s just another example of American Imperialism and cowboy diplomacy!”
Like all reality shows, the program was going to focus on uncomfortable, ugly confrontations and arguments (I’ve always felt the motto for all reality tv shows should be “As awkward and boring as real life”), the centerpiece of which was going to be a knock- down drag- out fight between two wives over whose turn it was to de-louse Osama’s beard.
Another of the program’s main selling points was going to be the wives’ insights to “the man behind the massacres” and his outdated, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic worldview. Some of the nuggets:
Osama’s biggest pet peeve: “Holocaust documentaries that come without a laugh track.”
Favorite snack: “Bacon wrapped around sausage, Homer Simpson style.”
On if there is even one Jewish person he would allow to live: “Adam Sandler. He loved him!” (That figures)
On the sex-lives of woman- hating, mass- murdering Jihadists: “Osama hadn’t been able to get it up for anything except pictures of little boys from the JC Penney catalog in about 20 years.”
On his favorite recreational activity: “Dressing up like Dean Martin and swinging down a pole with all of us dressed up as The Golddiggers.” (Wow, he WAS old!)
On their real feelings about him: “We always thought that demented fool was far- gone on drugs or something. He hated the Americans for having gay rights, reproductive freedom, equal rights for women and separation of church and state. He caused the entire Muslim world more heartache and sorrow than anyone else probably ever could. His entire life was a failure.”
On the 9-11 attacks: “He was always complaining about how he did all that planning and one of his stupid ideas finally worked, yet so many people in the world are such imbeciles they actually think the American government staged the attacks themselves!”
On kicking back after a hard day of advocating the death of every man, woman and child who didn’t want to live as if it was centuries ago: “Osama would slam down some booze, then set a Koran on fire so he could light up a stogie like George Burns, whom he babysat, by the way.”
On his hand-picked successor as Al Quaeda’s leader: “He always dreamed of having his propoganda minister Michael Moore succeed him. Michael was the only man who hated Americans more than he did.”
Despite the world-wide spoiler about how the final episode ends, this should be a riveting, entertaining program! Watch for it soon, on OWN!
© Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.