Rats get killed, cockroaches get killed, and Bin Laden got killed. One year after the death of this utter failure and rabid animal I figured what better time to repost one of my most popular comedy bits from last year. I posted an article joking about the possibility of Bin Laden’s wives getting their own reality show. Here it is again, complete with the original comments so the conversation can be continued. Let’s once again stick it to homophobic, misogynist, xenophobic Muslim fanatics like Bin Laden by laughing – something they don’t seem capable of.

Yes, in the spirit of Sister Wives and Mob Wives, it’s We Married A Madman, a Pakistani- produced reality tv show following life from the point of view of the late Osama Bin Laden’s wives. Early reports indicate this is why the Pakistanis were less than cooperative with U.S. military and intelligence personnel about Bin Laden’s whereabouts. A raid would have spoiled production of this guaranteed ratings blockbuster. A highly- placed Pakistani source confirmed this for me recently. 

“There we were, finally poised to get our piece of the reality tv pie”, he bemoaned, “when those damn Navy Seals come in and spoil everything! It’s just another example of American Imperialism and cowboy diplomacy!” 

Like all reality shows, the program was going to focus on uncomfortable, ugly confrontations and arguments (I’ve always felt the motto for all reality tv shows should be “As awkward and boring as real life”), the centerpiece of which was going to be a knock- down drag- out fight between two wives over whose turn it was to de-louse Osama’s beard.

Another of the program’s main selling points was going to be the wives’ insights to “the man behind the massacres” and his outdated, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic worldview. Some of the nuggets:

Osama’s biggest pet peeve: “Holocaust documentaries that come without a laugh track.”

Favorite snack: “Bacon wrapped around sausage, Homer Simpson style.”

On if there is even one Jewish person he would allow to live: “Adam Sandler. He loved him!”  (That figures)

On the sex-lives of woman- hating, mass- murdering Jihadists: “Osama hadn’t been able to get it up for anything except pictures of little boys from the JC Penney catalog in about 20 years.”

On his favorite recreational activity: “Dressing up like Dean Martin and swinging down a pole with all of us dressed up as The Golddiggers.”  (Wow, he WAS old!)

On their real feelings about him: “We always thought that demented fool was far- gone on drugs or something. He hated the Americans for having gay rights, reproductive freedom, equal rights for women and separation of church and state. He caused the entire Muslim world more heartache and sorrow than anyone else probably ever could. His entire life was a failure.”

On the 9-11 attacks: “He was always complaining about how he did all that planning and one of his stupid ideas finally worked, yet so many people in the world are such imbeciles they actually think the American government staged the attacks themselves!”

On kicking back after a hard day of advocating the death of every man, woman and child who didn’t want to live as if it was centuries ago: “Osama would slam down some booze, then set a Koran on fire so he could light up a stogie like George Burns, whom he babysat, by the way.”

On his hand-picked successor as Al Quaeda’s leader: “He always dreamed of having his propoganda minister Michael Moore succeed him. Michael was the only man who hated Americans more than he did.”

Despite the world-wide spoiler about how the final episode ends, this should be a riveting, entertaining program! Watch for it soon, on OWN!

© Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog, 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.               


Filed under humor, opinion


  1. Unga Bunga Girl
    This is awesome and clever. I don’t think this post is politically correct but I think we should light pc on fire anyway.

    These bits cracked me up –

    Osama’s biggest pet peeve: “Holocaust documentaries that come without a laugh track.”

    Favorite snack: “Bacon wrapped around sausage, Homer Simpson style.”

    edit this on May 7, 2011 at 12:21 am | Reply balladeer
    Thank you very much! I’m so glad you liked it! I agree about how we should set PC on fire. The PC police are about as tolerant of humor as a 1600′s Puritan would be.

    edit this on May 7, 2011 at 12:05 am | Reply lifewith4cats
    ha! That is a reality show I would watch.

    edit this on May 7, 2011 at 12:22 am | Reply balladeer
    I figured it would be your kind of thing!

    edit this on May 7, 2011 at 12:09 am | Reply badlandsbadley
    Hilarious, plain and simple.

    edit this on May 7, 2011 at 12:22 am | Reply balladeer
    Wow, that’s quite a compliment coming from you!

    edit this on May 7, 2011 at 12:36 am | Reply Rose
    I hope the series isn’t up against “The Life and Loves of Saddam Hussein”. How could you choose?

    Great and hilarious blog!

    edit this on May 7, 2011 at 12:39 am | Reply balladeer
    Ha! Yeah, that would be the biggest conflict since the Late Night Wars!

    edit this on May 7, 2011 at 10:31 am | Reply didiwright
    Your post is filled with your quirky sense of humour as always and makes for a great read, but I find it hard to get over the fact that a country (any country) would prioritise a TV reality programme (and the money, attention, etc. coming with it) over world safety and justice. The times we live in do make me sad sometimes.

    edit this on May 7, 2011 at 9:48 pm | Reply balladeer
    Ha! I like that! I could almost picture something this bizarre actually being real.

    edit this on May 13, 2011 at 11:07 pm | Reply joomlti
    i think some think wrong ………… where is osama photos ??? why they not show it ??

    edit this on May 14, 2011 at 4:29 am | Reply balladeer
    Are you seriously suggesting that Osama “Don’t touch my porn stash, dude” Bin Laden isn’t really dead?

    edit this on May 15, 2011 at 12:42 pm | Reply Nina
    LOL Don’t touch my porn stash, dude is so funny! This whole article is the funniest thing I’ve seen on Bin Laden’s death.

    edit this on May 15, 2011 at 2:09 pm | Reply balladeer
    Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed it and took the time to pass along that nice comment.

    edit this on April 13, 2012 at 11:06 am | Reply Isabella
    This is so incredibly funny! It’s good to see someone brave enough to go after more than the usual safe targets for humor!

    edit this on April 21, 2012 at 3:05 pm | Reply balladeer
    Thank you for noticing and for leaving this nice comment!

  2. I am so glad 2 c someone stand up like this. Muslim fanatics drove my family from our Philippine home and its scary to see so many Americans try to defend Muslim fanatics and pretend they are just misunderstood.

  3. I always enjoy your politically incorrect sense of humor! You’ve got more balls than wimps like Jonathan Stewart or Bill Maher.

  4. Really funny stuff! Loved all of it especially the way Bin Laden was a failure!

  5. Very funny piece of satire! We had a barbecue to commemorate this scumbag getting his!

  6. Woman

    I am still sitting here many hours after I first read your email sniggering. I chortled while I was at work re-reading the post in my head.

    Brilliant work!!!!

    It’s just so wacky!!! Bin Laderhosen can keep the bacon. Not a fan!!!

  7. Incredibly funny! Loved reading this and the old comments from last year!

  8. Great and so funny! The pet peeve was my favorite!

  9. You always put your contempt for religious fanatacism in such entertaining forms! Thank you for having the courage to criticize Islam as well as Christianity.

  10. So funny! Glad to see something like this pissing on that dead scumbag!

  11. Well said! We loved your look at this and your way of focusing on just why backward reactionary muslim fanatics hate the US so much.

    • Thanks! The increasingly demented American left is too cowardly to point these things out and the American right lacks credibility because of the Christian fanatics in their ranks.

  12. Wonderful! So happy to see someone pour it on that animal!

  13. Congratulations! Most people are such politically correct wimps they wouoldn’t have the guts to do this. Liberal cowards treat that idiot Sara Palin worse than they treat fanatical killers.

  14. Memorable and very funny! u got onions!

  15. Hilarious and very appropriate! Ignore cowards who think this is too outrageous!

  16. Pour it on! I love it!

  17. You made the great point that this loser brought nothing but disaster to the Muslim world!

  18. This butcher deserved all he got for the way he shamed Islam around the world!

  19. Very funny! u got more balls than Bill Maher and Jonathan Stewart put together!

  20. Got to express my admiration, dude! More men need to speak out about woman hating scum like Bin Laden.

  21. Thank you for caring about women. More American men need to speak out on the subject of fanatics like this. They deserve no respect!

  22. Funny and very anjoyable! You have a daring sense of humor!

  23. Amusing and very hard- hitting! Everybody bashes Christian kooks but you have the guts to bash both Christianity and Islam. Good for you!

  24. Superb! The whole world should celebrate a hatemonger like Bin Laden getting his!

  25. Nice! I laughed so hard I was choking!

  26. Awsome 2 c some1 speak out about Islamic homophobia and misogyny like u do! Keep it up!

  27. Bravo for having the courage to always criticize Islam for the way it is so anti-female and anti-gay.

  28. Luv a blog that has courage like yours does!

  29. Keep singing it! Islam’s homophobia and misogyny need to be addressed! Funny as hell post, dude!

  30. This was great!!! I love how you have the guts to criticize Islam the way wimps only criticize Christianity.

  31. U r 2 funny! i c y u r called the brat prince of blogging!

  32. Very funny! Islam deserves all the irreverrence people can muster!

  33. Good riddance to Bin Laden and I loved the comedy bit!

  34. Township Assembly Established For Monday, Regardless of Highway Trip Lessen Pottsgrove commissioners canceled their last general public session on April 19. They don’t seem to be most likely to skip two within a row, whether or not the board president is on an “international tour.”

  35. As a Mormon I want to thank you for remembering which religion is really menacing most people right now.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s