In honor of Thanksgiving Week, here’s a genuine turkey from Tom Selleck’s up-and-coming years.
THE CHINESE TYPEWRITER (1979) – It’s tough to remember the time before Tom Selleck was a tv megastar. His looks made him stand out and he had “future success” written all over him. He even showed he had a knack for comedy when he made two appearances on The Rockford Files as the annoyingly perfect and cliche-ridden detective Lance White. (“I’m okay, Jim. It’s just a flesh wound.”)
Television giant Stephen J. Cannell even used Tom’s second Rockford Files episode as a backdoor pilot for a potential series starring Selleck and James Whitmore, Jr. That didn’t work out, but Cannell still had faith in Tom and his unexpected chemistry with Whitmore.
And that brings us to The Chinese Typewriter, a 90-minute (with commercials) pilot movie for a different series to star Selleck and Whitmore. Stephen J. Cannell wrote and executive-produced the telefilm and tv veteran Lou Antonio directed.
With those writing and directing pedigrees behind the project you should have been able to smell several seasons, big money and some Emmy Awards in the offing.
Instead, it was the most embarrassing production I’ve ever seen either Cannell or Antonio be connected with. The whole thing seems slapped together like the pair were told they had ten minutes to put together ideas for the tv-movie and fifteen minutes to start filming. Continue reading
MRS. COLUMBO (1979-1980) – During its brief 13-episode run of hour-long episodes, this detective series – produced by Fred Silverman – was also titled Kate the Detective, Kate Callahan and Kate Loves a Mystery. Much Ado About Nothing might have been a more fitting title given all the energy expended trying to make this Kate Mulgrew program a success, but for so little return. 
BEARCATS! (1971) – This unique action-adventure series was set in the American West of 1914 and starred Rod Taylor (who also produced) and Dennis Cole as renowned trouble-shooters who commanded huge fees for their services. “If you can put a price on it, you don’t need them badly enough” was the program’s tagline. 
PILOT MOVIE: POWDERKEG (April 16th) – Mercenary trouble-shooters Hank Brackett (Rod Taylor) and Johnny Reach (Dennis Cole) are hired by a railroad tycoon to rescue 73 hostages being held aboard a moving train. Their captors are led by a Mexican bandit chief who demands his brother’s release from prison in exchange for the hostages. Guest stars were Michael Ansara, Fernando Lamas, Luciana Paluzzi and Tisha Sterling. 
DANGEROUS ASSIGNMENT (1952) – Brian Donlevy, famous as Professor Quatermass in a pair of movies, starred as secret agent Steve Mitchell. He received his missions from a man called “The Commissioner” (Herb Butterfield). 
THE OMEGA FACTOR (1979) – This eerie BBC series combined the best elements of 
THE SCARECROW (1972) – Gene Wilder, Blythe Danner, Nina Foch, Pete Duel and Will Geer starred in this Hollywood Television Theatre production that first aired January 10th, 1972. Long time readers of Balladeer’s Blog may recall my remarks on previous Halloweens about how underused I feel scarecrows still are in Halloween movies. 
Percy MacKaye stretched the story out and altered some of the themes, so The Scarecrow is an adaptation of Feathertop, not a faithful dramatization of it. Gene Wilder portrays the scarecrow.
Halloween Month rolls along with this look at a very old British series of telefilms that presented some classic horror tales during Christmas Season. The tales themselves were NOT set around Christmas, so they make for nice Halloween Season viewing, too. 
THE STALLS OF BARCHESTER (Dec 24th, 1971) – Dr. Black (Clive Swift), a scholar cataloguing the book collection at Barchester Cathedral, comes across the diary of a former Archdeacon who murdered his predecessor so he could rise to the position. The killer was then haunted by ghostly figures in the form of the carvings on the cathedral’s choir stalls. Also starring Robert Hardy, Thelma Barlow and Will Leighton. 
THE GIRL FROM U.N.C.L.E. (1966-1967) – This spinoff series from (What else?) The Man from U.N.C.L.E. starred Stefanie Powers as superspy April Dancer. Like Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuryakin, April worked for the United Network Command for Law & Enforcement. Her series lasted just one season of 29 hour-long episodes. 
THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E. – THE MOONGLOW AFFAIR: Airing on February 25th, 1966, this backdoor pilot for The Girl from U.N.C.L.E. had Mary Ann Mobley as new agent April Dancer. She replaced the incapacitated Solo and Kuryakin to stop the establishment of a lunar presence by the evil organization T.H.R.U.S.H. (Technological Hierarchy for the Removal of Undesirables and the Subjugation of Humanity). 
A YEAR AT THE TOP (1977) – What a cast! PAUL SHAFFER, GREG EVIGAN, Gabriel Dell (from the Dead End Kids/ Bowery Boys/ East Side Kids/ Little Tough Guys), Priscilla Morrill (Lou Grant’s wife Edie), Antonio “Huggy Bear” Fargas, Julie Cobb (Lee J. Cobb’s daughter) and Nedra Volz in her usual “sassy old lady” role. 
Even worse, Greg Evigan turned down a role on Welcome Back, Kotter to star in this TV Turkey. But at least B.J. and the Bear lurked in his 1970s future. I’ll let you readers decide if that’s good or bad. 
SALTY (1974-1975) – From some of the team behind Flipper came this short-lived series about a trained seal named Salty. The program was based on the 1973 film Salty, which featured Clint Howard in the role now played by Johnny Doran. 
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