Previously, Balladeer’s Blog reviewed various examples of Bruceploitation Movies, that odd subgenre full of martial arts spectacles exploiting and otherwise trying to cash in on the explosion of popularity in kung-fu films that the real Bruce Lee brought to the west.
I examined The Clones of Bruce Lee, about three clones made from the dead Bruce’s cell samples; The Dragon Lives Again, about Bruce fighting his way back from the Afterlife; and Fist of Fear, Touch of Death, in which a tournament to crown Lee’s successor features moves like tearing out your opponent’s eyeballs in what the film calls “a dazzling piece of showmanship.”
Here are some more of the weirdest, most bottom of the barrel Bruceploitation productions ever made.
BRUCE, KUNG FU GIRLS (1977) – Also released as Bruce’s Angels, Bruce Lee’s Kung Fu Girls and several other titles, but I have a soft spot for this more inane title selection. I really hope that movies titled Bruce, Gone with the Wind; Bruce, Whose Life is it Anyway? and Bruce, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues also exist. But as we’ve established, I’m kind of weird.
Taiwan’s Sweetheart Polly Shang Kwan stars as Polly, who works as a martial arts instructor at a health resort. When her police superintendent uncle is at wit’s end dealing with the reign of terror of a criminal who can turn invisible, Polly gets called in to help the force take him down.
Bruce, Polly has her four best female students join her in this elite crimefighting unit as she romances the young scientist who made the stolen invisibility formula, lip-synchs (horribly) to a pop song and guards a moon rock so that it doesn’t get stolen. Bruce, this flick is a head-shaker. Continue reading
So, with Buford Pusser being exposed very recently and the Warrens being exposed long ago, yet movies still being made that depict the latter two figures in a positive light, watching any of the many movies about all of them seems in bad taste now.
Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault! (I often point that out to cut down on hearing from people who don’t notice the broadcast dates and angrily claim this show imitated MST3K, which is impossible since this Texas show came first.)
EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday May ??, 1987 from 10:30pm to 1:00 am. Exact date is still being debated. Any Vaulties with further information please feel free to contact me. 
THE MOVIE: KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK (1978) – Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, Peter Criss and Ace Frehley stumble their way through this notoriously awful and unceasingly hilarious excuse for a movie. It’s like a feature-length Josie and the Pussycats cartoon but with KISS of all bands in the lead roles. The only thing missing from this movie is El Santo as the four members of KISS are depicted possessing super-powers … yes, SUPER-POWERS!
TOWING (1978) – How obscure is this flick? As of this writing there are only 2 user reviews of it at IMDb. That actually makes Towing better known than some of the other flicks I’ve reviewed here at Balladeer’s Blog, but the fact that Joe Mantegna, Sue Lyon, Dennis Franz, Mike Nussbaum, Jennifer Ashley and J.J. Johnston are in this movie make it worth examining. 
Towing is about that period in the 1970s when Chicago tow-truck operators scandalously began towing vehicles out of parking lots based on VERY questionable grounds of being in violation of city regulations. The sleazy towing companies would charge the vehicle owners much larger than reasonable fees to get them back. 
In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31 Randy and Richard, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class (EO6) hosted this neglected cult show that debuted on February 9th, 1985. Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of the program’s 40th anniversary year.
The Texas 27 Film Vault aired on Saturday nights from 10:30pm to 1:00am. The show was broadcast throughout Texas and Oklahoma. 
KARATE GIRL aka Karateci Kiz (1973) – As fans of Psychotronic movies know, Turkish cinema’s imitations of B-movies from around the world are known for very eccentric acting and for ignoring international copyright laws. 
Before MST3K we had The Texas 27 Film Vault! Before Joel and Mike we had Randy and Richard! (I often start my reviews of this 1985-1987 cult show this way to cut down on messages from people who don’t pay attention to the broadcast dates and try insisting that Randy and Richard “ripped off” MST3K. That’s impossible since their show came first.) 
SERIAL: For this episode the movie was preceded by a chapter of Mysterious Doctor Satan, about a mad scientist trying to conquer the world with a very goofy- looking robot. Another extra was Randy and Richard’s interview with Ben Johnson at his ranch. Johnson appeared in the episode’s film as well. 
THE MOVIE: TERROR TRAIN – A New Year’s Eve slasher film set on a train carrying a load of partying passengers who plan to ring in the New Year in each time zone of the United States. As required by law at the time, Jamie Lee Curtis starred since it was a slasher flick with a seasonal theme. (Look under the Federal Halloween, Halloween II and Prom Night Act of 1980 if you don’t believe me.) 
WAR OF THE WORLDS (2025) – A new chapter has been added to the history of H.G. Wells adaptations. Ice Cube stars in Amazon’s feature-length product placement for itself. In a moment of Cosmic Comedy, Amazon straight-facedly attached the tagline “It’s worse than you think” to this flick.
Ice Cube Makes Faces should have been this thing’s title, since he does nothing but sit in a chair exercising his facial muscles while spending face time with us and absurdly playing his Big Brother Will Protect You role to the hilt. And lest you fear that this adaptation will be less than faithful to the source material, the filmmakers even included the part where one of H.G. Wells’ characters says “Get your skinny ass over there!”
In the middle 1980s/ Way down on Level 31 –
FILM VAULT LORE: This episode featured Randy (right) and Richard’s (left) interview with Denver Pyle, who appears in the film being presented, The Party Crashers. They taped the interview with him at Ben Johnson’s ranch. 
Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault, which debuted on February 9th, 1985. 
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