Category Archives: Bad and weird movies

CEMETERY OF TERROR (1985) FILM REVIEW

CEMETERY OF TERROR (1985) – HALLOWEEN MONTH CONTINUES! Released in Mexico as Cementerio del terror, this overlooked movie makes for some nice Halloween season viewing and is even set on October 31st. Cemetery of Terror is not as campy as Mexican Wrestling Horror flicks or notorious works like The Brainiac, The Curse of the Crying Woman, The Man and the Monster, etc. Instead, its many flaws work to its benefit for that 1980s VHS feel.

Psychotronic Hall of Fame figures like Hugo Stiglitz, Ruben Galindo Jr. and Rene Cardona III were in the creative team of this laughably bad but grim and downbeat movie. Cemetery of Terror is ideal for Bad Movie Fans with strong stomachs because some of the gore reaches Lucio Fulci levels. 

Sure, you’ve seen everything in this flick before, but you’ve rarely seen it done with such élan. The energetic camera work overcomes the poor acting, idiotic character decisions and frequent repetition. Let’s dive into the smorgasbord of horror elements jam-packed into this project and ask ourselves “Just how much money did the makers of Pepsi Free pay for the wall-to-wall product placements they got?” Continue reading

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THE BOD SQUAD (1974) BAD MOVIE REVIEW

THE BOD SQUAD (1974) – Hong Kong Cinema’s Shaw Brothers helped produce this cross-cultural martial arts exploitation flick that plays like an Andy Sidaris film crossed with a WIP movie from the 70s. 

Like most Psychotronic classics, The Bod Squad has been released under several different titles, in this case Virgins of the Seven Seas and increasingly suggestive tags as its reputation for kung fu t&a learned at the knee of Sensei Russ Meyer grew. The joke is on anybody who watches this flick with lecherous intentions, since it never comes close to living up to those “aren’t we naughty” alternate titles like Enter the Seven Virgins Continue reading

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THE CRYBABY KILLER (1958) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

In the middle 1980s/ Way down on Level 31 …

Before MST3K we had The Texas 27 Film Vault! (I often emphasize this to cut down on freakouts by people who don’t pay attention to the broadcast dates and accuse this show of ripping off MST3K, which is impossible because this show came first.)

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Per another Texas 27 Film Vault fan Saturday June 15th, 1985 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.

SERIAL: Before showing The Crybaby Killer our members of the Film Vault Corps (“the few, the proud, the sarcastic”) showed an episode of the Mascot Serial The Phantom Empire (1935). 

In that classically campy serial Gene Autry played a singing cowboy who saves the world from an advanced underground civilization that comes complete with killer robots who wear cowboy hats.

FILM VAULT LORE: The movie ticket give-away this week was for Prizzi’s Honor.

THE MOVIE:

THE CRY BABY KILLER (1958) – Jack Nicholson made his film debut in this Roger Corman production. Jack plays a JD who mistakenly thinks he has shot two rival gang members to death and, believing he has nothing to lose, grabs hostages and holes up in a standoff with the police. Continue reading

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GORILLA AT LARGE (1954) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault! In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31 Randy and Richard, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class, hosted this neglected 1985-1987 cult show. Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of the program’s FORTIETH anniversary year. 

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: As near as can be determined, Saturday December 6th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00am. Broadcast throughout Texas and Oklahoma. 

SERIAL: Before presenting Gorilla at Large our machine-gun wielding Film Vault Technicians First Class presented an episode of Mysterious Dr. Satan, a Republic serial from 1940. The serial featured a mad scientist called Dr. Satan trying to take over the world with a very, VERY goofy-looking robot while a pulp-style hero called Copperhead tried to thwart his plans.

FILM VAULT LORE: This time around the movie ticket give-away from Channel 27 (the “27” in The Texas 27 Film Vault) was for a chance to go see the 1986 release King Kong Lives.

THE MOVIE:  Gorilla at Large provided a wealth of material for our hosts to work with. Remember, their previous show had been The Trivia Guys and this film about a murderous gorilla at a circus was packed with opportunities for pop culture shoutouts.

To cite just a few:

* George Barrows, the man in the gorilla suit as our title monster Goliath, was the same guy who wore the ape/robot outfit as Ro-Man in that staple of Bad Movie shows Robot Monster (previously shown on The Texas 27 Film Vault).

* Cameron “Close the F****ing Door” Mitchell, veteran of High Chaparral, The Andersonville Trial and countless bad movies, starred as Joey Matthews, the circus’ barker. Continue reading

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BAD MOVIES: MORE BRUCEPLOITATION KUNG FU FILMS

Previously, Balladeer’s Blog reviewed various examples of Bruceploitation Movies, that odd subgenre full of martial arts spectacles exploiting and otherwise trying to cash in on the explosion of popularity in kung-fu films that the real Bruce Lee brought to the west.

I examined The Clones of Bruce Lee, about three clones made from the dead Bruce’s cell samples; The Dragon Lives Again, about Bruce fighting his way back from the Afterlife; and Fist of Fear, Touch of Death, in which a tournament to crown Lee’s successor features moves like tearing out your opponent’s eyeballs in what the film calls “a dazzling piece of showmanship.”

Here are some more of the weirdest, most bottom of the barrel Bruceploitation productions ever made.

BRUCE, KUNG FU GIRLS (1977) – Also released as Bruce’s Angels, Bruce Lee’s Kung Fu Girls and several other titles, but I have a soft spot for this more inane title selection. I really hope that movies titled Bruce, Gone with the Wind; Bruce, Whose Life is it Anyway? and Bruce, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues also exist. But as we’ve established, I’m kind of weird.

Taiwan’s Sweetheart Polly Shang Kwan stars as Polly, who works as a martial arts instructor at a health resort. When her police superintendent uncle is at wit’s end dealing with the reign of terror of a criminal who can turn invisible, Polly gets called in to help the force take him down.

Bruce, Polly has her four best female students join her in this elite crimefighting unit as she romances the young scientist who made the stolen invisibility formula, lip-synchs (horribly) to a pop song and guards a moon rock so that it doesn’t get stolen. Bruce, this flick is a head-shaker. Continue reading

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ANYONE FOR A BUFORD PUSSER PLUS ED AND LORRAINE WARREN MOVIE MARATHON?

So, with Buford Pusser being exposed very recently and the Warrens being exposed long ago, yet movies still being made that depict the latter two figures in a positive light, watching any of the many movies about all of them seems in bad taste now.

Y’know?

Seriously, their movies individually are cringe-inducing these days.

I can’t imagine how it would feel watching multiple movies about any of the three.

What an ugly state of affairs this has turned into. Continue reading

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KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK (1978) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault! (I often point that out to cut down on hearing from people who don’t notice the broadcast dates and angrily claim this show imitated MST3K, which is impossible since this Texas show came first.)

In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31 Randy and Richard, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class (EO6), hosted this neglected cult show that debuted on February 9th, 1985. Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of the program’s 40th anniversary year.

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday May ??, 1987 from 10:30pm to 1:00 am. Exact date is still being debated. Any Vaulties with further information please feel free to contact me.

SERIAL: None.

This movie was long enough that with commercials plus Randy, Richard and Ken “Tex” Miller’s comedy sketches and Host Segments it filled the whole two and a half hour running time for that episode.  

THE MOVIE: KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK (1978) – Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, Peter Criss and Ace Frehley stumble their way through this notoriously awful and unceasingly hilarious excuse for a movie. It’s like a feature-length Josie and the Pussycats cartoon but with KISS of all bands in the lead roles. The only thing missing from this movie is El Santo as the four members of KISS are depicted possessing super-powers … yes, SUPER-POWERS!

Those super-powers do or do not emanate from their special talismen as the movie absurdly contradicts itself about this as well as about nearly everything else. Our super-powered Knights In Satan’s Service (as panicked parents were fooled into thinking KISS stood for) are performing at AN AMUSEMENT PARK (?) for three days because dammit, nothing says “family friendly” like these guys! The park is unnamed in the film but was really Magic Mountain. Continue reading

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BAD MOVIE: TOWING (1978) WITH JOE MANTEGNA, SUE LYON, DENNIS FRANZ AND MIKE NUSSBAUM

TOWING (1978) – How obscure is this flick? As of this writing there are only 2 user reviews of it at IMDb. That actually makes Towing better known than some of the other flicks I’ve reviewed here at Balladeer’s Blog, but the fact that Joe Mantegna, Sue Lyon, Dennis Franz, Mike Nussbaum, Jennifer Ashley and J.J. Johnston are in this movie make it worth examining.   

What’s this movie about? Well, let me start by pointing out that sometimes bad movies are as effective as folk songs at preserving a tiny portion of history or cultural zeitgeist that would otherwise be completely forgotten as the decades go by.

Towing is about that period in the 1970s when Chicago tow-truck operators scandalously began towing vehicles out of parking lots based on VERY questionable grounds of being in violation of city regulations. The sleazy towing companies would charge the vehicle owners much larger than reasonable fees to get them back. Continue reading

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GLEN OR GLENDA (1953) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31 Randy and Richard, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class (EO6) hosted this neglected cult show that debuted on February 9th, 1985. Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of the program’s 40th anniversary year.

EPISODE’S ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Unknown but definitely before May of 1986. One of the old newspaper articles from early May of that year refers to Glen or Glenda as one of the movies having already been shown on The Texas 27 Film Vault. Anyone with more specific info feel free to contact me.

The Texas 27 Film Vault aired on Saturday nights from 10:30pm to 1:00am. The show was broadcast throughout Texas and Oklahoma.   

SERIAL: Unknown. Again, if you have info feel free to contact me. If this episode aired near the date of the newspaper article mentioned above then Radar Men from the Moon was the serial airing before the movies during that point in 1986. The article makes that clear.

THE MOVIE: Glen or Glenda is so well known I’m sure I don’t need to say much about it. It was Ed Wood’s infamous semi-autobiographical movie about his love of wearing women’s clothing. Incidentally – very incidentally in terms of footage – the movie also touched on the topic of sex-change operations because of the highly publicized 1950s case of Christine Jorgensen. Continue reading

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KARATE GIRL (1973) BAD MOVIE REVIEW

KARATE GIRL aka Karateci Kiz (1973) – As fans of Psychotronic movies know, Turkish cinema’s imitations of B-movies from around the world are known for very eccentric acting and for ignoring international copyright laws.

Turkish Star Wars has long been a favorite of Turksploitation fans but most of us were introduced to the country’s Psychotronic cinema via their home grown costumed crimefighter called Killing or through the movie 3 Dev Adam (1973). Three Divine Men or Three Giant Men as it’s called in English featured the U.S.A.’s Captain America and Mexico’s El Santo teaming up against Spider-Man, who for some reason was depicted as an international criminal.

The Turkish “screw you” attitude when it came to the fact that they didn’t own the trademarks to those three figures added to the bizarre charm. Similarly, Turkish films appropriated whatever music they wanted to use in their productions. For instance, Karate Girl shamelessly uses the Shaft music to accompany its martial arts revenge storyline.

Turkish superstar Filiz Akin stars in Karate Girl as Zeynep, a beautiful young woman who sells flowers to raise money for an operation to fix her vocal chords so she can talk. Zeynep lives with her good-natured father, who verbalizes to the viewers what his mute daughter’s personal sign language means. Continue reading

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