CEMETERY OF TERROR (1985) FILM REVIEW

CEMETERY OF TERROR (1985) – HALLOWEEN MONTH CONTINUES! Released in Mexico as Cementerio del terror, this overlooked movie makes for some nice Halloween season viewing and is even set on October 31st. Cemetery of Terror is not as campy as Mexican Wrestling Horror flicks or notorious works like The Brainiac, The Curse of the Crying Woman, The Man and the Monster, etc. Instead, its many flaws work to its benefit for that 1980s VHS feel.

Psychotronic Hall of Fame figures like Hugo Stiglitz, Ruben Galindo Jr. and Rene Cardona III were in the creative team of this laughably bad but grim and downbeat movie. Cemetery of Terror is ideal for Bad Movie Fans with strong stomachs because some of the gore reaches Lucio Fulci levels. 

Sure, you’ve seen everything in this flick before, but you’ve rarely seen it done with such élan. The energetic camera work overcomes the poor acting, idiotic character decisions and frequent repetition. Let’s dive into the smorgasbord of horror elements jam-packed into this project and ask ourselves “Just how much money did the makers of Pepsi Free pay for the wall-to-wall product placements they got?”

We viewers are treated to what we are told is the final bloody slaying by serial killer Devlon, whose unnatural claws sliced and diced all of his victims including his parents years earlier. As mentioned above, it’s Halloween night and Devlon escaped from an insane asylum to add to his body count.

In obvious imitation Dr. Loomis style, the maniac’s primary caregiver Dr. Cardan (Hugo Stiglitz) is on hand after the cops mow down Devlon in a hail of bullets. Dr. Cardan warns the cops that they must cremate the killer’s body immediately because his obsession with the occult surely included some means of being brought back from the dead.   

Needless to say, the authorities think Cardan needs a psychiatrist himself and refuse to play along. And when I relate the outrageously unlikely sequence of events that resurrects Devlon I think you’ll agree that it was a billion to one shot that they would all play out.

We now meet the dead killer’s oblivious saviors – three male medical students and their girlfriends. The ladies are conned by their men to believe they are on their way to a party of wealthy jet-setters only to instead get driven to an abandoned mansion for some Pepsi Free and Sex Cheap.

The mansion once belonged to our serial killer Devlon AND it stands right next to a cemetery. The three ladies are angry that they gave up a concert thanks to the lies of their boyfriends so they shut down any thought of making out.

The trio of med students wander around the mansion, cursing out the ladies for not being in the mood after being led to their inevitable slaughter on false premises. They find Devlon’s book of demonic incantations and try to impress their dates by suggesting they steal a corpse from a morgue and see if the book’s spell to raise the dead really works.

(Look, I told you it was a billion to one shot that events would play out the way Devlon needed in order to be brought back to life.)

In a positively Darwinian sense, the three women idiotically agree to participate. (?) Next, these six morons just happen to raid the police morgue where Devlon’s body was just taken AND just happen to select the killer’s corpse at random as their test subject.

Back at the mansion, the young people place Devlon’s corpse on a slab in the cemetery and recite the spell to revive the dead. I know, we are at cosmic levels of “Who would actually do all this?” but that’s part of the Bad Movie charm of Cemetery of Terror.

The spell appears to have no effect, but a sudden brief downpour of rain results, sending our sextet of imbeciles back into the mansion for shelter. Against all odds, the ladies are now horny as hell and pursue Love Among the Pepsi Free Cans with their men.

Meanwhile, Dr. Cardan and the cops are alarmed to discover that Devlon’s body is missing from the morgue and head out in a squad car to try tracking it down.

Back at the mansion, it turns out that the reanimation spell worked but just took a long time to take effect. The late serial killer is back from the other side and all the other people buried in the cemetery rise with him in a Thriller meets Night of the Living Dead tableau.

Naturally, this puts an end to Makeout Party: Sponsored by Pepsi Free, as Devlon uses his taloned hands and his new supernatural powers to slaughter all six of the figures who seemed like they were going to be our main characters. 

Instead, a bunch of trick or treaters who range from single-digit ages to about thirteen or fourteen dare each other to explore the Devlon mansion and cemetery. The late murderer and his zombie legion attack when the kids stumble across the scene of the earlier massacre.

The trick or treaters are pursued throughout the house and around the cemetery while trying to stay alive. Dr. Cardan finally arrives on the scene and rushes to help the children and teens battle the undead menaces.

SPOILERS AHEAD!

Eventually, as Ash Williams from The Evil Dead could have advised Cardan, the book that unleashed all this horror needs to be burned to end it. After some contrived obstacles to that burning, the book is tossed into the fireplace, destroying the undead.

Unfortunately, Devlon manages to kill Dr. Cardan during his death-throes. Police, reporters and a crowd of gawkers arrive at the mansion and as a new day dawns, the trick or treaters – none of whom were killed – are taken home to their parents.

The film throws one last cliche at us with the expected “It’s over … or IS it?” ending. Inside the house, Dr. Cardan has risen from the dead himself but is evil now for some reason. He salvages what he can of the occult book and sees that some spells are still intact. He mugs to the camera and laughs sinisterly. The End.

Cemetery of Terror offers a new wrapping for some of the ingredients that lovers of Bad Movies can’t get enough of, so if you’re bored with the horror turkeys you’ve already watched several times why not give it a try?     

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