MOTOR PIRATES (1906) American release title The Modern Pirates – This British action short was directed by England’s monumentally underrated silent film director Arthur Melbourne Cooper. Motor Pirates clocks in at under 9 minutes but crams quite a bit into that runtime.
A pair of brilliant criminals have designed an armored vehicle in which to carry out crimes. And remember, this was before tanks were being used in combat. The armored car also sports a few diesel-punk gadgets.
The Motor Pirates drive their vehicle on to a country estate where they employ its front-end “suction feature” to vacuum up several chickens. Four men of the estate come out with guns blazing to stop the crooks, but they shoot down their victims, leaving three dead and one barely clinging to life as they drive off.
Personally, I wouldn’t want murder charges hanging over my head for a crime as petty as chicken-poaching, but what can you do? A child comes along and the victim who is clinging to life has the little girl go and fetch a police officer.
With his dying breath the victim tells the cop about the Motor Pirates. Our policeman (nobody gets a name in this short, which was par for the course for a lot of early silent flicks) gathers some colleagues and they go to their police station for reinforcements.
A 1900s car carrying several cops drives off in pursuit of the Motor Pirates. The chase takes place throughout the British countryside, where at one point the criminals outmaneuver the police and ram their car from the side.
Having left their pursuers behind for the moment, the crooks chase and overtake a car being driven by a hoity-toity wealthy couple. The armored vehicle pulls alongside, allowing one of the Motor Pirates to jump onto the victims’ car.
The criminal who boarded the car steals the money and jewels of the rich couple then leaps back to the armored vehicle and jauntily waves to the man and woman as the bad guys ride off.
A hapless lone cop tries to wave down our title characters only to be “eaten” by the armored car’s hood which can open like a mouth. The pursuing policemen from earlier catch up with the criminals but the villains lose them again when the armored vehicle easily crosses a ford but the cop car takes forever to be pushed across by the bobbies.
For no apparent reason (you know how slipshod early silent storytelling could be) the Motor Pirates lose control of their armored car while continuing to flee the police. The high-tech vehicle with the crooks still inside plunges into a river where it explodes.
For newbies to such old short films, don’t go into them expecting refined cinematic excellence. The fun experimental works are more like vintage cartoons but done in live action. Try to picture the amazement of 1906 viewers as they watched Motor Pirates for the first time.
FOR MY LOOK AT SILENT HORROR SHORTS FROM 1896-1909 CLICK HERE.
Balladeer's Blog 
OK. Quite an imagination.
They sure did have one!
Well done, Balladmaster!
Thank you, sir! It’s terrific to hear from you!
Good to be contemplating a return…
Yep! In fact I will be there shortly!
Oh, I thought you had added a new post. Sorry. I will resume checking every day.
Don’t hold your breath. Still working out from under a ton of obligation and medical safaris.
Well, I can dream.
Silent crime short! Good story line well shared 👏
Thank you very much!
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Sounds like a fun ride! At least the crooks weren’t too chicken to go after what the wanted (sounded better in my head than typed out, lol!).
Ha! It was still funny, though! Great comment!
Java Bean: “Ayyy, are these like porch pirates? I feel like I should bark at them.”Oona: “No, let Oona at them! Pirates are the traditional arch-enemies of ninjas!”Lulu: “They are not.”Oona: “THE INTERNET SAYS THEY ARE SO IT MUST BE TRUE!”
That is hilarious! At this point I’d watch an animated series about your pets capturing the antics you depict in your blog posts and your comments here.