BLOODBEAT (1982) – The presence of a female slasher adds a fresh (but not uprecedented) feel to Bloodbeat. This Christmas horror film is so obscure people seldom if ever get its year of release correct let alone the storyline.
Even in the world of weird film premises this little honey manages to stand out. Bloodbeat is about a woman who goes to spend Christmas with her boyfriend’s family in Wisconsin only to find herself possessed by the spirit of a dead samurai warrior who forces her to go on a killing spree with his sword.
Except for the confusing fact that many of the killings are commited BEFORE the samurai possesses her body but even those murders are – for some unexplained reason – synchronized with the possessed woman’s orgasms (No, I’m NOT kidding).
Even more confusing is the fact that at least one of the samurai’s killings was committed BEFORE the woman even showed up in this Wisconsin town. Anyway, the samurai’s sword is a war trophy in a trunk in the home of the main characters. The fact that we are never even told the last names of any of the main characters should give you a hint about the storytelling ineptitude on display in this flick.
Since the filmmakers cared so little I’m not wasting my time even getting straight the FIRST names of these dull figures. There’s the main family’s psychic, widowed mom, who paints and has vaguely defined paranormal powers that increase to ridiculous levels late in the movie. Her boyfriend, a Wisconsin hick, tries and fails to get her to marry him.
Throw in the psychic woman’s son and daughter, who also manifest undefined supernatural powers in the hilariously lame conclusion of the film.
The son’s girlfriend, whose orgasms are synchronized with several of the samurai’s murders, also has psychic powers and may be the reincarnation of the dead samurai warrior. The movie’s that vague.
Early on it seems to be the samurai’s ghost – complete with blue force-field for some reason – committing the slayings. Then for awhile the samurai/ghost/ whatever kills only when the girlfriend is masturbating (in really gross detail) or having sex with her bland, unappealing boyfriend (in even grosser detail).
Ultimately the samurai full-on possesses the girlfriend and the samurai/ghost figure takes off its armored mask to reveal the girlfriend’s face even though I mentioned how earlier in the film – oh, screw it. Like even the filmmakers had a clue what was going on by this point. The blue-shrouded samurai and the artist/psychic woman square off in a supernatural battle that winds up leaving the old woman dead and shriveled.
To finish things off her son and daughter suddenly display similar supernatural powers that they apparently never knew they had (or maybe they did – the movie gives no real confirmation of anything). After several minutes of the same laughably amateurish sound effects and special effects that accompanied the samurai vs artist battle, the two siblings are triumphant. Lots of faceless, nameless supporting characters are dead and good luck to these two survivors in explaining all the corpses.
As the brother and sister stumble wearily off the screen the closing credits roll by, leaving all of us wishing this weirdass wonder had jumped in with both feet and given us a memorable American Werewolf in London-styled title like A Samurai Slasher in Wisconsin instead of the mundane title Bloodbeat.
And by the way it IS a nice novelty to see a low-budget horror film from Wisconsin that was NOT made by Bill Rebane.
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