ROBERT DE NIRO TO STAR IN THE PORKY’S REBOOT

Robert De Niro and Zac Efron 

Yes, Balladeer’s Blog has another scoop! My sources in the industry – and by the industry I mean the business – have informed me that in keeping with his “you sign my paycheck and I’ll be in your movie” philosophy Robert De Niro will play the title character in the reboot of the teensploitation flick Porky’s.  

De Niro stated he wants to end his career as “the 21st Century Cameron Mitchell, y’know, one of those guys who are in so many movies they become a joke and their earlier, quality stuff gets forgotten. Ya gotta problem with that? I may appear in drag in my next movie. You don’t like it – don’t come see me, awright?”

Johnny Depp has signed onto the project to portray Pee Wee, the character with the notoriously small penis. At first Depp refused to even return the director’s calls but relented when promised he could play Pee Wee wearing weird hats and strange makeup.

Robert De Niro seemed happy to work with Depp on the film. “Yeah, whatever” he said through a yawn. 

Okay, aspiring filmmakers, the time is ripe to contact De Niro about starring in your direct-to- video tits’n’guns movies! And remember, if you have a screenplay you cannot be turned down for any reason!  

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