BENJAMIN HARRISON – Motto: “What this country needs right now is a man whose grandfather was president barely a month before dying.” *** Nickname: Baby McKee’s Grandfather *** Pro: Was the president who first had the White House wired for electricity. Con: His administration was slightly overshadowed by the press’ obsession with his terminally “cutesy” grandson, Baby McKee.
GROVER CLEVELAND, TERM 2 – Motto: “He’s back … deadlier and more powerful than ever before!” *** Nickname: King of the Wild Frontier *** Pro:Was 10 % doughier than in his first term. Con: Came down harder on striking workers than some presidents come down on actual criminal behavior and called Eugene Debs “an enemy of the human race”.
25. WILLIAM MCKINLEY – Motto: “Whatever Ohio Political Machine Boss Mark Hanna thinks my motto should be.” *** Nickname: McStudly *** Pro: Tried to establish a tradition of campaigning from your own front porch. Con: Got assassinated for an even dumber reason than Garfield. ( If you’re wondering, Leon Czolgosz shot McKinley, then shouted “I am an anarchist! I don’t believe in marriage, I believe in Free Love!” Take THAT, McKinley! )
26. THEODORE ROOSEVELT – Motto: “I love me some me!” *** Nickname: LBJ *** Pro: Once went eleven straight seconds thinking about something besides himself. Con: That whole treatment of the Philippines after the Spanish- American War thing.
27. WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT – Motto: “I’d rather be serving as Chief Justice instead!” *** Nickname: The Gangster of Love *** Pro: After being president went on to be a very good Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court. Con: Was military governor of the Philippines during part of McKinley and Roosevelt’s aforementioned ugly treatment of the inhabitants.
28. WOODROW WILSON – Motto: ” Hey, my League of Nations thing was no more impotent and corrupt than the United Nations has turned out to be!” *** Nickname: Woody Dub *** Pro: Defeated both the incumbent Taft and Teddy Roosevelt’s Bull Moose Party candidacy in the election of 1912. Con: Won reelection on the slogan “He kept us out of war” then got us involved in World War One anyway after getting reelected.
29. WARREN G HARDING – Motto: ” You’ll never take me alive, coppers!” *** Nickname: The Ohio Gang’s Lackey *** Pro: Appointed former president Taft as one of the most capable Chief Justices in Supreme Court history. Con: His crooked administration did everything but print counterfeit money in the White House basement and only his untimely death in office prevented the full truth of his cronies’ misdeeds from coming to light.
30. CALVIN COOLIDGE – Motto: “Absolute proof that the less a president does the better!” *** Nickname: The Vermont Sex Machine *** Pro: The full extent of his farewell address was ” Goodbye, I have had a very enjoyable time in Washington.” I’m serious. Con: Thought it was just an amazing coincidence that some of the people scheduled to testify in the investigations of his predecessor’s administration kept committing suicide or dying unexpectedly.
31. HERBERT HOOVER – Motto: “Eternally grateful to Barack Obama for doing a possibly worse job on the economy than I did!” *** Nickname: The Callous Fool *** Pro: Fulfilled a little- known constitutional requirement that the 30th and 31st presidents MUST have alliterative names. Con: Actually once tried to blame the Great Depression on unusual sunspot activity. I’m serious.
32. FRANKLIN ROOSEVELT – Motto: “I’m handi- capable!” *** Nickname: The Italian Stallion *** Pro: Competently guided the nation through the Great Depression and added a humane element to the practice of governing the nation. Con: Violated the 2 term precedent until in his 4th term they literally pried the presidency from his cold, dead hands.
33. HARRY TRUMAN – Motto: “Get that corpse out of here so I can get to work!” (I’m kidding!) *** Nickname: Dewey’s Bitch *** Pro: Fired the at best senile and at worst demented General Douglas MacArthur during the Korean War. Con: Brought Boss Tom Pendergast’s attitude that graft is a natural perk of elected office with him to the White House.
AND FOR MORE OF MY TAKES ON MINDLESS LIBERALS AND MINDLESS CONSERVATIVES CLICK HERE:https://glitternight.com/category/liberals-and-conservatives/
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