THE TOP DEITIES IN AMERICAN LIBERAL MYTHOLOGY

Welcome back to Balladeer’s Blog, the only site on the web that equally criticizes Liberals and Conservatives. This post will be a hybrid of my mythology posts and my pokes at American political zealots. My list of Conservative deities will be coming next. In the meantime enjoy this irreverent look at the icons adored by the hilariously pretentious asses of American Liberalism. Naturally part of the fun comes from the fact that pompous Liberals always like to criticize figures that other people revere but fall to pieces and froth at the mouth with impotent outrage whenever figures THEY hold dear are regarded with the same critical eye. 

9. JOHN F KENNEDY  – Despite what 21st Century American Liberals think John F Kennedy was not a Liberal. His brother Ted certainly was, but JFK, as revealed in books like Conversations With Kennedy, regarded Liberals as hopelessly impractical and humored them only to the degree that he had to to ensure enough party cooperation when dealing with Congress. Even Tip O’Neil, in his autobiography Man of the House maintained that Jack Kennedy was “only nominally a Democrat”  and that being a Kennedy was like “a political party of its own.”

Partisan zealots see that as a minus but I see it as a plus given my contempt for how shrill Liberal vs Conservative arguments have become. Kennedy had enough money that he didn’t have to play the same divisive game that politicians of the left have been playing ever since. Jack was also shrewd enough to show apprehension about how, even back when he was in office, Liberals and Conservatives were beginning to gravitate to news outlets that simply reinforced their political prejudices while cutting themselves off from opposition news outlets. How prescient! And unlike modern-day Liberal Democrats I sure as hell can’t picture JFK giving a standing ovation to a foreign dictator denouncing the United States for its policies in a session of our own Congress.

8. FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT – Franklin Roosevelt was a shrewd, sometimes ruthless political operator who never felt the need to trash his own country to try to seem cosmopolitan.  And unlike modern-day Liberal Democrats I sure as hell can’t picture him giving a standing ova- oh, wait … awkward.

Liberals and Conservatives will spend eternity loving and hating FDR and arguing over whether or not even he intended his New Deal Programs to become permanent. I have no problem with FDR’s creation of Social Security and I laugh when Conservatives bitterly spew the word “socialist” when describing Roosevelt.

I think American Conservatives should rally around Social Security since people have to work for a living to get it and it would help them in negotiations. They could soften the accusations that they’re heartless by saying “We’ll do what we can to save Social Security but Unemployment and Welfare benefits are on the table.”

Many people will forever loathe FDR because of the way he pioneered giving the rest of us – aka “we the people” – access to the public treasury. That privilege used to be reserved exclusively for bloated rich pigs and the elected officials they owned. Some Conservatives go berserk at the thought that our tax money can go to benefit actual human beings instead of just being blown on  boondoggles and pet projects of politicians. 

Despite the delusions of American Liberals Obamacare is nothing like Roosevelt’s introduction of Social Security. Obamacare is strictly a favor the weak, inept and crooked little man named Barack Obama did for insurance companies that donate heavily to the Democratic Party. Unlike Obama, Franklin Roosevelt used political rhetoric as a means to acheiving goals in the real world, not as an end in itself. Franklin Roosevelt was a Liberal when Liberals were worth respecting and doesn’t deserve to be lumped in with 21st Century Liberals. 

7. CHE GUEVARA – If you disagreed with this animal’s politics he wanted you dead, period. I’m basing that on Che’s own writings, the same writings where he extolled the benefits of guerillas hiding with the general population so that if the opposition forces struck at you they would likely injure or kill non-combatants, too, making “the people” angry against … well, against the people Che hated for getting to be dictators instead of him.

This cold and compassionless bastard would have made Machiavelli himself say “Hey, dude, find a conscience or something.” Deluded American Liberals like to pretend Che was a freedom fighter, which is absolutely ridiculous. Read the man’s own writings and you’ll realize this loathsome little prick was about overthrowing established tyrants ONLY so he and his like-minded thugs could impose their own tyranny on “the people” they pretended to be fighting for.

As a mass-murderer in Cuba after Castro’s revolution succeeded Guevara made even Spain’s fascist dictator Francisco Franco look like a pacifist. Leave it to the clueless 1960’s generation of American Liberals to enshrine this callous monster as an icon of youthful rebellion and “revolution”. Apparently people killed by Che and his fellow animals were somehow less dead than people killed in that Vietnam War the 60’s Generation prided themselves on protesting. Hey, hey, blood-soaked Che, how many kids did you kill today?

I wonder what would happen if people on college campuses began spitting in the faces of the smugly complacent asses who wear Che Guevara T-shirts, and did it on the grounds that he, like Papa Fidel, was a murderous homophobe. Such intolerance! So many dead gay people in Cuba! Such hypocrisy on the part of American Liberals!    

6. GLORIA STEINEM – Steinem first inflicted her shrill, whiny presence on the American scene when she went undercover as a Playboy Bunny for her article A Bunny’s Tale, in which she pointed out the astounding fact that cocktail waitresses do not lead glamorous, exciting lives. Wow! Stop the presses with that one, Gloria! Here in the year 2012 cocktail waitresses in any casino in Las Vegas wear more revealing outfits than the Playboy Bunnies ever did, proving that women can work in any professsion, hold high elected office and serve in the cabinets of presidents no matter what kind of clothing is worn by cocktail waitresses.

Despite the pretensions of Gloria and her fellow pampered children of privilege who are forever naive about the actual working class A Bunny’s Tale was not exactly a Playboy Club version of A Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich.  Still, Gloria milked her initial notoriety from that ridiculous piece like a modern-day reality tv star squeezing decades of fame out of nothing. Unlike courageous and pioneering feminists like Susan B Anthony, Betty Friedan, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and so many others, Gloria Steinem simply rode the unstoppable wave of female empowerment that those figures unleashed. She was no more responsible for the new freedoms women were enjoying than a surfer is responsible for the wave they’re riding.

That hasn’t stopped Gloria from putting on airs like she was at the original Seneca Falls meeting, however! Whiny, self-aggrandizing action followed whiny, self-aggrandizing action over the decades as Gloria took the bows the earlier generations of feminists had deserved. Comically, in spite of all Steinem’s talk of Women’s “Liberation” she herself simply became an obedient lackey of the Democratic Party as time wore on. She and her sister party shills seek to narrow women’s options in life, not broaden them. While men are free to choose any political opinions they please Gloria and her “sisters” feel that every little girl should grow up to be a mindless servant of the Democratic Party machine. Gloria pretends to speak for ALL women but has simply replaced the male chauvinist cry of “shut up and get back in the kitchen” with “shut up and vote for Democratic Party candidates.”    

5. FOREIGN DICTATORS – You know how Conservatives have the ridiculous attitude “America – right or wrong”? Well, American Liberals have the equally ridiculous attitude “Everyone who hates America – right or wrong!” 

Yes, be it Fidel Castro, Hugo Chavez, Iran’s demented religious fanatic Ahmadinejad or the late Kim Jong Il Liberals think it’s like, so DEEP to condemn only your own country while cheering on your country’s enemies, even if those enemies are also guilty of so many of the same things you trash your homeland for! American Liberals even used to praise Stalin, no matter how much they try to deny it. You can search under “liberals who defended Stalin” or similar phrases and find all the info you need.

The most entertaining part of it is reading the pompous and condescending manner in which some of those left-wing zealots defended “Uncle Joe” Stalin. If you go back before the reality of Stalin’s purges had been established you’ll find American Liberals snobbishly dismissing the notion of such behavior on the part of their hero. They often used the same kind of pompous language that American Liberals of today use when they act like it’s just some sort of gauche American provincialism that makes “the rabble” think that the leaders of other countries could EVER behave in an untoward manner. Why, don’t they know it’s only AMERICAN political leaders who ever behave in an authoritarian or dictatorial way?

Part of that attitude is caused by how so many American Liberals are hopelessly ignorant of history. Oh, they know every single disgusting thing the United States has ever been guilty of, but they remain hopelessly ignorant of the heinous offenses of nearly every other country in the world. Becoming familiar with the failures and crimes of other nations would complicate their simple-minded view that history is a story of “good guys” and “bad guys” with America being the bad guys in their view and every opponent of America being the good guys.

Anyone with an adult worldview, which of course leaves out American Liberals, understands that in a complicated world today’s allies could be tomorrow’s enemies and vice versa. No matter which party is in the White House a nation as large as ours will ALWAYS face the situation of having some countries hating our policies and some countries supporting our policies. American Liberals embrace the simple- minded attitude that ONLY the nations that hate America have valid points and should be listened to.

Whenever nations are allied with us Liberals dismiss them as “the bought, the bribed and the bullied” as they’re fond of calling them. In other words, if Castro, Chavez, and all the other dictators beloved by the American Left were America’s ALLIES and we had business interests in their nations Liberals would insist we’re “supporting dictators just to make money.” When such dictators are America’s enemies Liberals defend their governments and policies and insist we should be more like them.           

4. HOLLYWOOD – Sure, many entertainers may be shallow, uninformed and emotionally unstable, but that doesn’t stop them from sermonizing to the rest of us about how we should live our lives and what things we should label as right and wrong. The reason I can’t stand organized religion is because of the way their clergy members think they’re fit to do that and such behavior doesn’t get any more attractive when it’s being practiced by actors, actresses, singers, directors and the rest.

American Liberals conveniently forget that Hollywood is full of FOLLOWERS not leaders. Those people are not bold philosophical pioneers, they are instead poseurs who latch onto a belief or lifestyle only AFTER it’s proven acceptable enough to not damage their careers. For example, an entertainer coming out of the closet as a homosexual several decades ago would have been courageous and faced a career disaster. Ditto for an entertainer protesting America’s policies in the 1950’s, but doing such things now is not courageous, it’s de riguer. 

You’re not being “daring” by pissing off just a bunch of Conservatives far away from Hollywood. Such people don’t hire or fire in the entertainment industry. And as for television sitcoms with creative staffs who think they’re “pushing the envelope”, I hate to burst their bubbles but if something can be shown in a prime-time sitcom it is by definition mainstream and safe. Just because sexually immature or politically reactionary Conservatives in Eagle’s Butt, MT are outraged over a show’s content that does not mean your program is defying the powers that be. Quite the opposite in Hollywood.    

3. THE 1960’s – You’ve heard of the book The Greatest Generation? Well the American youth of the 1960’s have earned a name as “the most self-aggrandizing generation.”  The 60’s generation has never forgiven the land of their birth for the fact that life was not as simple and pleasant as what they saw on episodes of Father Knows Best or The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet. They grew up … well, American Liberals NEVER grow up, so let’s instead say they “grew older” while watching television shows that force-fed them a counter-reality of Eisenhower- era nonsense.

That steady diet of myths about America, religion and the world in general left them woefully unprepared for the hardships and outright horrors of the real world. All previous generations might have had youths filled with innocence and/or ignorance that clashed with reality but this first television generation had been virtually brainwashed into believing in a life that ran so contrary to what their real world experience would be that an explosion was inevitable. 

It was perfectly understandable that their disillusionment would manifest itself in a rejection of all the false gods they had been taught to worship. Unfortunately, too many 1960’s Liberals became trapped in an arrested state of adolescent outrage that they willfully wallow in even now.  This lingering immaturity led to them embracing childish contrarianism. As children they were force-fed the ridiculous notion that America was a paragon of liberty and the most heroic nation in history, so their response was to convince themselves of the equally ridiculous notion that America embodied injustice and was the most villainous nation in history.

Their parents from the World War Two generation simplistically believed America would NEVER be involved in an unjust war and that every armed conlict was World War Two all over again so the 60’s generation’s contrarian response was to simplistically believe that EVERY war America was involved in was unjust and that every armed conflict was the Vietnam War all over again. The 1960’s also saw the ugly transformation of liberalism into a philosophy that was critical ONLY of the Western Democracies and nobody else.

The perpetual adolescents of American Liberalism go on to this very day pretending politics is one long 1960’s nostalgia party. With the egotism of children they see themselves as valiant protestors of (insert any given war and any given social ill) and combatters of (yawn) racism, and they attack anyone who isn’t as vocal as they are about their pet issues of the moment as if they are either apathetic or fascist. Liberals simple-mindedly think they are addressing people from the 1950’s and believe the rest of us will be shocked at what they consider to be their “daring” worldview, even though it’s a worldview that is five decades out of date.

In James Barrie’s original Peter Pan the title character was fond of saying “Oh, the wonderfulness of me!” This generation that, like Peter Pan refuses to grow up, seems fond of saying “Oh, the wonderfulness of us!”   

2. BARACK OBAMA  – This weak, inept and crooked little man reached the Presidency because he was pretty much a tabula rasa on which the 60’s generation of Liberals in the Democratic Party wrote their presidential fantasies. Even though Bill Clinton was an actual member of their generation he proved to be too competent an administrator and too much of a practical politician for them. He also lacked that disdain for the United States that the 60’s generation loves so much and which the talentless and loathsome Barack Obama loves to flaunt. 

Barack Obama was a dream come true for 1960’s American Liberals. He had no opinions except the ones they taught him, had never had ANY real-world experience that might have made him realize how out of touch they were and he was happy to ham-fistedly exploit the African American side of his heritage for all it was worth. (You can forget the empty talk of Barack being “post-racial”. Even he only resorts to that worn-out chestnut when he’s REALLY desperate.)  Obama is the kind of African-American that Liberals love: he only expresses disagreement with white Conservatives and never embarrasses white Liberals by standing up to them or disobeying them in any way.  That’s why they preferred Barack to Hillary Clinton, who has a mind of her own (though she’s just as crooked as Little Barry) and always looks out for what’s best for “Clinton, Inc” and NOT the Democratic Party.

This Democratic version of Richard Nixon slithered up from the cesspool that IS Chicago politics. Barack Obama seems happy to serve as an example of what American Liberals consider to be “the correct way” for an African American to behave – bitter, but beholden to the Democratic Party. Obama is happy to have a $35 million dollar mansion in exchange for his role in prolonging the myth that the Democratic Party and ONLY the Democratic Party represents the wishes of “the African American community”. That’s a very important part of the American Left’s power structure, along with the pretense that all “real” women are Liberal Democrats, too.

Obama may be incompetent and corrupt, may think we have 57 states, may think Austrian is a separate language and may be a very inept speaker when he doesn’t have the crutch of a teleprompter but American Liberals bitterly cling to the fantasy that he’s as wonderful as the first African American president SHOULD have been … in a perfect world. Sorry, folks, but Obama’s a complete and utter failure in every sense. Even if he gets reelected a few days from now it will prove NOTHING because even George W Bush and Richard Nixon got reelected. I rest my case. I’m sure at some point in the future we’ll have African American presidents who truly are capable and brilliant and all the things Barack Obama is not. The left’s endless fairy tales about this shallow little man belong in the same category as the mindless story about George Washington and the cherry tree or other ridiculous myths about our presidents.

1. THEMSELVES – Make no mistake, the most vulnerable part of any American Liberal is their ego. Clueless American Conservatives often make the mistake of thinking they’re insulting Liberals by calling them unpatriotic or socialist or ungodly. Accusations like that only charge the batteries of Liberals. The best way to actually insult American Liberals is by pointing out to them how pretentious, snobbish and insecure they are. It also helps to point out to them how hopelessly naive they are, too, despite their self-image as cosmopolitan sophisticates.

American Liberals are always convinced that they have Really Deep Thoughts that other people couldn’t possibly have ever had and they trot out their childishly simplistic take on world affairs in conversations and expect the people they’re talking to to be ever so impressed. Unfortunately for Liberals they’re invariably stagnated at some level of political discourse the rest of us moved on from years – if not decades – ago. I’ll point out again that American Liberals are so far behind the rest of us they actually think they’re ahead.

The Liberal ego combines with their overall immaturity to fuel their tiresome drama queen tendencies, too. When George W Bush was in office I had no trouble simply saying I did not agree with his policies and I didn’t vote for him either time. American Liberals always had to froth at the mouth and claim he was “a dictator” and was “worse than Hitler”. These histrionics serve to let Liberals stroke their own egos, too. After all, if Bush was “a dictator” then they must have been doing something “heroic” by opposing him. This allowed incessantly whiny American Liberals to indulge in the fantasy that they were courageously standing up to oppression and tyranny.

Wrong. They were just engaging in their freedom as Americans to express their hostility toward the incumbent administration. There are people in the world who really do live under dictators and who really are courageously fighting oppression and tyranny. Those brave human beings often end their lives in prison with the laughter of the people torturing them to death being the last sound they ever hear. Pampered and comfortable American Liberals figuratively spit on such heroic people by comparing themselves to them in any way.   

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