Category Archives: Movie Hosts

GORILLA AT LARGE (1954) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault! In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31 Randy and Richard, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class, hosted this neglected 1985-1987 cult show. Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of the program’s FORTIETH anniversary year. 

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: As near as can be determined, Saturday December 6th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00am. Broadcast throughout Texas and Oklahoma. 

SERIAL: Before presenting Gorilla at Large our machine-gun wielding Film Vault Technicians First Class presented an episode of Mysterious Dr. Satan, a Republic serial from 1940. The serial featured a mad scientist called Dr. Satan trying to take over the world with a very, VERY goofy-looking robot while a pulp-style hero called Copperhead tried to thwart his plans.

FILM VAULT LORE: This time around the movie ticket give-away from Channel 27 (the “27” in The Texas 27 Film Vault) was for a chance to go see the 1986 release King Kong Lives.

THE MOVIE:  Gorilla at Large provided a wealth of material for our hosts to work with. Remember, their previous show had been The Trivia Guys and this film about a murderous gorilla at a circus was packed with opportunities for pop culture shoutouts.

To cite just a few:

* George Barrows, the man in the gorilla suit as our title monster Goliath, was the same guy who wore the ape/robot outfit as Ro-Man in that staple of Bad Movie shows Robot Monster (previously shown on The Texas 27 Film Vault).

* Cameron “Close the F****ing Door” Mitchell, veteran of High Chaparral, The Andersonville Trial and countless bad movies, starred as Joey Matthews, the circus’ barker. Continue reading

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KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK (1978) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault! (I often point that out to cut down on hearing from people who don’t notice the broadcast dates and angrily claim this show imitated MST3K, which is impossible since this Texas show came first.)

In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31 Randy and Richard, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class (EO6), hosted this neglected cult show that debuted on February 9th, 1985. Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of the program’s 40th anniversary year.

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday May ??, 1987 from 10:30pm to 1:00 am. Exact date is still being debated. Any Vaulties with further information please feel free to contact me.

SERIAL: None.

This movie was long enough that with commercials plus Randy, Richard and Ken “Tex” Miller’s comedy sketches and Host Segments it filled the whole two and a half hour running time for that episode.  

THE MOVIE: KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK (1978) – Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley, Peter Criss and Ace Frehley stumble their way through this notoriously awful and unceasingly hilarious excuse for a movie. It’s like a feature-length Josie and the Pussycats cartoon but with KISS of all bands in the lead roles. The only thing missing from this movie is El Santo as the four members of KISS are depicted possessing super-powers … yes, SUPER-POWERS!

Those super-powers do or do not emanate from their special talismen as the movie absurdly contradicts itself about this as well as about nearly everything else. Our super-powered Knights In Satan’s Service (as panicked parents were fooled into thinking KISS stood for) are performing at AN AMUSEMENT PARK (?) for three days because dammit, nothing says “family friendly” like these guys! The park is unnamed in the film but was really Magic Mountain. Continue reading

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GLEN OR GLENDA (1953) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31 Randy and Richard, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class (EO6) hosted this neglected cult show that debuted on February 9th, 1985. Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of the program’s 40th anniversary year.

EPISODE’S ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Unknown but definitely before May of 1986. One of the old newspaper articles from early May of that year refers to Glen or Glenda as one of the movies having already been shown on The Texas 27 Film Vault. Anyone with more specific info feel free to contact me.

The Texas 27 Film Vault aired on Saturday nights from 10:30pm to 1:00am. The show was broadcast throughout Texas and Oklahoma.   

SERIAL: Unknown. Again, if you have info feel free to contact me. If this episode aired near the date of the newspaper article mentioned above then Radar Men from the Moon was the serial airing before the movies during that point in 1986. The article makes that clear.

THE MOVIE: Glen or Glenda is so well known I’m sure I don’t need to say much about it. It was Ed Wood’s infamous semi-autobiographical movie about his love of wearing women’s clothing. Incidentally – very incidentally in terms of footage – the movie also touched on the topic of sex-change operations because of the highly publicized 1950s case of Christine Jorgensen. Continue reading

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TERROR TRAIN (1980) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Before MST3K we had The Texas 27 Film Vault! Before Joel and Mike we had Randy and Richard! (I often start my reviews of this 1985-1987 cult show this way to cut down on messages from people who don’t pay attention to the broadcast dates and try insisting that Randy and Richard “ripped off” MST3K. That’s impossible since their show came first.) 

Balladeer’s Blog continues its salute to The Texas 27 Film Vault‘s FORTIETH anniversary year. My research through VERY old newspapers, my interview with the show’s co-star and co-creator Randy Clower plus emails and comments from my fellow fans of the program helped piece together fragments of the program’s history. 

ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Saturday December 27th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00am. Broadcast throughout Texas and Oklahoma. 

Randy (right) and Richard way down on Level 31 hosting The Texas 27 Film Vault

FILM VAULT LORE: Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, as machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class and members of the fictional Film Vault Corps (“the few, the proud, the sarcastic”) had two and a half hours to work with each week.

Interviews with figures like Vincent Price, Ben Johnson and others were featured and the movies being shown and mocked were often preceded by episodes of old Republic serials like Radar Men from the Moon and others.

SERIAL: For this episode the movie was preceded by a chapter of Mysterious Doctor Satan, about a mad scientist trying to conquer the world with a very goofy- looking robot. Another extra was Randy and Richard’s interview with Ben Johnson at his ranch. Johnson appeared in the episode’s film as well. 

HOST SEGMENTS: Outside of the Ben Johnson bit, Randy and Richard did some comedy playing to the New Year’s-themed horror film being shown. As Midnight Dallas Time approached, they staged a countdown and then a raucous celebration of the arrival of … December 28th, 1986. Ken “Tex” Miller, Joe “The Hypnotic Eye” Riley, Laurie Savino and other Film Vault Corps members joined in the festivities in a great example of the show’s wry humor.

THE MOVIE: TERROR TRAIN – A New Year’s Eve slasher film set on a train carrying a load of partying passengers who plan to ring in the New Year in each time zone of the United States.  As required by law at the time, Jamie Lee Curtis starred since it was a slasher flick with a seasonal theme. (Look under the Federal HalloweenHalloween II and Prom Night Act of 1980 if you don’t believe me.) Continue reading

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THE PARTY CRASHERS (1958) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

In the middle 1980s/ Way down on Level 31 –

Balladeer’s Blog continues its examination of the FORTIETH ANNIVERSARY year of this neglected cult show that debuted February 9th of 1985. 

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Per fan MilesTellerRox, Saturday September 13th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00am.

Broadcast throughout Texas and Oklahoma. 

SERIAL: Again, per MilesTellerRox, before presenting and mocking The Party Crashers our machine-gun wielding Film Vault Technicians First Class Randy and Richard presented and mocked an episode of Mysterious Doctor Satan, a Republic serial from 1940.

The serial featured a mad scientist called Dr Satan trying to take over the world with a VERY goofy- looking robot while a pulp-style hero called Copperhead tried to thwart his plans.  

FILM VAULT LORE: This episode featured Randy (right) and Richard’s (left) interview with Denver Pyle, who appears in the film being presented, The Party Crashers. They taped the interview with him at Ben Johnson’s ranch. 

THE PARTY CRASHERS (1958) – Connie Stevens, Bobby Driscoll, Mark Damon, Frances Farmer and the aforementioned Denver Pyle star in this unintentionally hilarious movie about a group of Juvenile Delinquents whose M.O. is to crash parties at upper-class homes, help themselves to food, drink and women and then vandalize the place. Continue reading

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THE SECRET OF DORIAN GRAY (1970) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Before MST3K there was … The Texas 27 Film Vault, which debuted on February 9th, 1985. 

Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of this program’s FORTIETH anniversary year.

EPISODE ORIGINALLY BROADCAST: Per fellow fan Silivant the date was Saturday January 24th, 1987 from 10:30pm to 1:00am. Broadcast throughout Texas and Oklahoma.

SERIAL: None this week. The movie, commercials and Film Vault Corps comedy sketches took up the entire running time.

Randy (right) and Richard way down on Level 31 hosting The Texas 27 Film Vault

HOST SEGMENTS/ COMEDY SKETCHES: There is some disagreement among Texas 27 Film Vault fans. One faction argues that this was the episode in which Randy Clower – interested in preserving his youth like the main character in the night’s movie – took the nonexistent chemical Multiquixiphiline (see my exclusive interview with Randy Clower).

That chemical made him much younger, overdoing it to the point of restoring him to childhood. Randy’s real-life son Jaron played the young version of himself in the series of sketches. Once again Tex (Ken Miller) saved the day and Randy was restored to his normal age. Randy himself did not remember if this really was the movie with that storyline in the Host Segments.  

Dorian and his suspiciously Warhol-esque portrait

THE MOVIE: THE SECRET OF DORIAN GRAY (1970) – A terrific idea was blown in this hilariously flawed attempt to adapt Oscar Wilde’s Picture of Dorian Gray to swinging 60s London. Helmut Berger, who was sort of a Nordic Michael York back when this movie was made, stars as our title hero whose portrait begins to reflect all the physical and spiritual wear and tear of Dorian’s hedonistic lifestyle, thus preserving his young, beautiful physical form. Continue reading

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GHOULIES (1984) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Ghoulies

In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31, we had The Texas 27 Film Vault. Before Joel and Mike, we had Randy and Richard. (I make a point of opening my T27FV posts with similar reminders because it cuts down on furious reactions from people who don’t pay attention to the broadcast dates and accuse Randy and Richard of ripping off MST3K even though their show came first.) 

In honor of the FORTIETH anniversary of this forgotten 1985-1987 cult show Balladeer’s Blog has been posting about parts of the program’s history. This time I’ll examine the final movie presented and mocked by the machine-gun toting Randy and Richard and their colleagues in the Film Vault Corps – “the few, the proud, the sarcastic”.  

Randy Clower and Richard Malmos of The Texas 27 Film Vault (both lower right) featured in a Movie Host article with Stella from Saturday Night Dead and Elvira.

FILM VAULT LORE: A T27FV fan calling herself Georgia remarked at Egor’s site: “I still lived (in Dallas) when they did their last show. They knew they were going off the air because they talked about it and seemed pretty sad about it. I was sad, too. It was the best thing on tv.” 

The show was still hot in the ratings but Randy, Richard, Ken “Tex” Miller and Joe “The Hypnotic Eye” Riley got hot job offers they couldn’t turn down. Combine that with the collapse of the Film Vault Guys’ most recent attempt to get a syndication deal (what might have been) and the gang disbanded after roughly 2 and 1/2 years of bad movie fun.

Ghoulies poster

THE MOVIE: This was a product from Charles Band, so lovers of bad 1980s horror films know what they’re in for. Jack Nance from Eraserhead and Mariska Hargitay from Law and Order: SVU can both point to this flick as their most embarrassing moment on camera!  

A Satanist played by rock singer Michael Des Barres leaves his mansion – which was the site of his Black Masses and human sacrifices – to a young couple played by Lisa Pelikan and Peter Liapis. They move into the creepy old place and the man starts to become possessed by the dark forces that linger in the mansion. Eventually his dabbling in Satanic rituals causes his zombified father Malcolm (Des Barres) to climb out of his grave,which is conveniently located in the mansion’s backyard. Continue reading

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FRONTIER MARSHAL (1939) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

For some laughs this Frontierado Season, here’s the worst and weirdest version of Wyatt Earp, Doc Holliday and the Gunfight at the OK Corral.

A movie guaranteed to contain absolutely NO accurate information.

Before MST3K we had The Texas 27 Film Vault! Before Joel and Mike we had Randy and Richard! Before Pearl and Kinga we had Laurie Savino! 

Welcome to a special Frontierado Edition of Balladeer’s Blog’s look at this neglected cult show which ran from 1985-1987, making this its FORTIETH anniversary year. 

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Saturday, October 25th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00 am. Broadcast throughout Texas and Oklahoma. 

OPENING SERIAL: An episode of Mysterious Doctor Satan (1940).

THE MOVIE: Frontier Marshal, directed by Allan Dwan, has a well-deserved reputation as the worst and weirdest cinematic depiction of the events leading up to the Gunfight at the OK Corral. Randolph Scott turns in his usual bland performance as Wyatt Earp with Cesar Romero as a very unlikely Doc Holliday.

Wyatt and Doc trying to cut the rear projection screen off at the pass.

As usual Doc steals the show from the hopelessly dull and straight-arrow Wyatt. Ward Bond shows up as a cowardly lawman, Lon Chaney, Jr plays one of Curly Bill Brocius’ thugs and Balladeer’s Blog’s old friend John Carradine is the movie’s main villain … Carter. No, not Clanton or even McLaurey but “Carter”.

Here’s just some of the hilariously distorted bits from this Parallel Universe version of the events in Tombstsone, Arizona: Continue reading

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INVADERS FROM MARS (1953) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of this 1985-1987 program’s FORTIETH anniversary year.

In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31 Randy Clower and Richard Malmos, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class (EO6) hosted this neglected cult show.

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Saturday June 7th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00am. Broadcast throughout Texas and Oklahoma. 

SERIAL: Before the movie this week, our members of the Film Vault Corps (“the few, the proud, the sarcastic”) showed another episode of the 1950 Columbia serial Atom Man vs Superman. Kirk Alyn starred as Superman with Lyle Talbot as his archenemy Lex Luthor aka Atom Man.

Especially laughable are the bits when Superman “flies” – an effect achieved by switching from live footage of Kirk Alyn to INSERTED CARTOON FOOTAGE of Superman flying. Think of the ‘Toons in Roger Rabbit interacting with the live backgrounds and you have the idea.

A behind the scenes photo of Laurie Savino, who held the rank of Mystery Clip Technician in the Film Vault Corps.

FILM VAULT LORE: This week Laurie Savino, who held the rank of Mystery Clip Technician in the Film Vault Corps once again presented Channel 27’s Movie Ticket Giveaway.

Correctly identifying the Mystery Clip this time around would win a few lucky viewers tickets to the upcoming release of the 1986 remake of Invaders from Mars, starring Karen Black.

HOST SEGMENTS/ COMEDY MOMENTS – According to fan Dr. Solaranite, one of the comedy bits Randy and Richard injected into the film this time involved Jimmy Hunt, who played David Maclean, the child hero of the movie.

Whenever Hunt would say something harmless like “Gee Whiz” the Film Vault Guys would bleep part of it to make it sound like the kid had said “Jesus” and was getting censored. And so it went throughout the movie. Little Jimmy – but, hilariously, NONE of the adults, would occasionally get bleeped misleadingly as if cursing like a sailor. 

That is one foul-mouthed little boy!

A word beginning with “sh” would be bleeped like Jimmy was saying “shit”, a word beginning with “f” would be bleeped like Jimmy was saying “fuck”, multi-syllable “m” words would be bleeped like he was saying “motherfucking”. It was like a more profane throwback to the old “Cleveland-style” of movie hosting, dating back to the legendary Ghoulardi (Ernie Anderson) in the 1960s.

THE MOVIE: Invaders from Mars is a very fun-bad movie complete with cheap and unconvincing 1950s special effects, stiff and unbelievable characters and a groan-inducing finale. Some elderly critics praise this movie nostalgically and try to present it as a metaphor for 1950s anti-communist paranoia, like the more-deserving Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Continue reading

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FROGS (1972) ON THE TEXAS 27 FILM VAULT

Before MST3K we had The Texas 27 Film Vault! In the middle 1980s, way down on Level 31 Randy and Richard, machine-gun toting Film Vault Technicians First Class, hosted this neglected cult show which debuted Saturday February 9th, 1985. Balladeer’s Blog continues its celebration of the program’s FORTIETH anniversary year with this schlock film set on the 4th of July. 

ORIGINAL BROADCAST DATE: Saturday July 5th, 1986 from 10:30pm to 1:00am. Broadcast throughout Texas and Oklahoma.

SERIAL: Before showing Frogs our members of the Film Vault Corps (“the few, the proud, the sarcastic”) showed an episode of the 1950 Columbia serial Atom Man vs Superman. Kirk Alyn starred as Superman with Lyle Talbot as his archenemy Lex Luthor.

Lex has his own secret identity in this serial – each episode he dons a lead mask and oversees the villainy as “Atom Man”.

HOST SEGMENTS: According to fan Gemini Jim, Randy and Richard’s interview with Sam Elliott, conducted at Ben Johnson’s ranch, was shown. Elliott was also one of the stars of Frogs

Randy (right) and Richard way down on Level 31 hosting The Texas 27 Film Vault

THE MOVIE: Frogs was another low point in the career of Ray Milland, along with The Thing With Two Heads, shown previously on The Texas 27 Film Vault.

Pollution was to cheap monster movies of the 70s what atomic radiation was to cheap monster movies of the 50s. In other words it was the catch-all explanation for anything and everything. In this movie’s case pollution, which Ray Milland’s corporations are heavily guilty of, is to blame for wild animals (NOT just frogs, despite the movie’s title) going berserk and viciously attacking human beings.    Continue reading

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