Independent Voter site Balladeer’s Blog, the Open City in an America being torn apart by liberal zombies and conservative zombies, takes a look at a parallel Earth today. As usual this is the only site on the ‘net that is truly non-partisan in its criticism of left-wing and right-wing zealots.

Several years ago a big deal was made over whether or not the 9-11 attacks could have been prevented by greater coordination between elements of the intelligence community. Amid the predictable partisan bickering and childish finger- pointing that characterized the 9-11 Commission and its findings an important consideration was overlooked.

That consideration was how events would have unfolded if the attacks had actually been thwarted. Let’s take a quick look at both the Liberal idiocy and the Conservative idiocy that would have followed. 

THE LIBERAL IDIOCY – The insecure American Left always feels that the only officially “intellectual” thing to do is to take sides against one’s own country no matter what the situation is. I agree there are plenty of times when reasonable people WILL take sides against their own country, but with American Liberals the rest of us have learned to just yawn and listen with amusement as they twist logic as severely as they have to in order to stick to their apparent loyalty to “everyone who hates America, right or wrong.” The sheer unlikelihood of the 9-11 attacks would have served as the springboard for the Liberals’ attack on the opposition party’s intelligence services foiling those attacks. 

*** Liberals would have scoffed at the notion that the attacks could have ever succeeded. They would have ridiculed that possibility and made remarks like: “So the Bush administration would have us believe that this perfectly charming Mr Mohamed Atta and his friends would have succeeded in multiple plane hijackings and then, with the minimal pilot training they had, manage to fly those planes with pinpoint accuracy into the World Trade Center towers! Where- EVER does that cowboy in the White House get such notions?” 

*** The default argument of all Liberals is that the only people in the world that are irredeemably destructive are Americans and they feel it is bigotry to ever suspect anyone else of any ugly intentions. They would have insisted the intelligence services nabbed Atta and his accomplices based solely on “Islamophobic” assumptions. They’d have insisted it was “A Sacco and Vanzetti story for the 21st Century” and would have drawn inappropriate comparisons with the civil rights struggle of African Americans. 

*** Liberals would have also launched a whole “Free Mohamed Atta” movement and, given the general ineptitude of the Bush administration, probably would have gotten Atta and his fellow conspirators  acquitted. Hell, prominent Liberals probably would have paid for the legal fees of Atta and company. Then they would have sued the government on Team Atta’s behalf and cheered the multi-million dollar award that Mohamed and company may well have gotten.

*** Atta would then have gotten a job as a radio host on Air America, ensuring that absolutely nobody would ever hear from him again.

*** Inevitably the same organizations that Atta and his playmates belonged to would have put together a deadly attack that DID succeed like the 9-11 attacks did in real life. Liberals would then have insisted that it was America’s “bigoted” treatment of Mohamed Atta and company that was the SOLE motive behind the attacks and that Americans “brought it all on themselves.” Just like they’ve been doing in real life ever since the actual 9-11 attacks.

THE CONSERVATIVE IDIOCY – Even the most casual observers of the American scene will no doubt have noticed that  on those rare occassions when Conservatives actually have a position that popular opinion might be in agreement with, they always manage to screw it up. They usually do that by thinking the initial public support for their stance (in this case prosecuting Team Atta for the attempted 9-11 attacks) means that they can try to piggyback some of their outdated social attitudes onto it, until even the original support they enjoyed evaporates. 

*** Bush and his congressional allies would have tried to insist that further attempted attacks like the thwarted (in this reality) 9-11 attacks might be coming if America didn’t change its ways and outlaw abortion and homosexuality and premarital sex, etc. They would tell us that their God saved America this time but if we didn’t return to “old fashioned American values” the Almighty might just let the next attack succeed as punishment. Naturally this would have alienated a large chunk of the public. 

*** The Bush administration would have pushed for increased powers to deal with any possible future attacks, but their efforts would have been defeated in congress after various Republicans with 19th Century worldviews attached riders to the bills forbidding the teaching of evolution in schools that receive government assistance. They would also have wanted provisions made for the teaching of creationism in schools and demanded that the government get to the bottom of “this whole vaccination plot!” 

*** John McCain would have come forward and condemned his fellow Republicans for their “shameful” treatment of Mohamed Atta and his friends. He would even have invited Team Atta to his office to personally apologize to them on behalf of all Republicans everywhere. As always the opposition party  would have made a great deal of political capital out of McCain’s de riguer trashing of his own colleagues, but, typically, he would be too stupid to realize it or too egotistical to care.  

*** Right-wing talk radio shows would have been crawling with conspiracy theories that the 9-11 attack plan was secretly engineered by the American Left as part of the “ongoing Communist plot of 60’s generation liberals.” Plus they’d have somehow tied Hillary Clinton to the whole situation. 

*** Conservatives also would have immediately demanded to cut Social Security. There would be no correlation to the 9-11 plot, of course, but whenever ANYTHING happens anywhere in the world the first response of American Conservatives is to propose cuts to Social Security and other programs that benefit their fellow human beings.

Well, that’s how I imagine it may well have turned out if by some chance the 9-11 attacks were nipped in the bud. Politics as usual in the silly “sharks vs the jets” atmosphere that Liberals and Conservatives have created in America. 


© Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Edward Wozniak and Balladeer’s Blog with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.       




  1. omg this so funny and so accurate – on both sides!

  2. Ann

    This was incredibly funny and very accurate! You pegged both liberals and conservatives perfectly!

  3. Mike K

    This is so incredibly funny!! Perfect way of showing the usual stupid behavior of liberals and conservatives. That Free Muhamad Atta movement was a great addition!

  4. Wow! Valuable and so very funny insights! You pegged them both so perfectly, especially liberal masochism and conservative religios fanaticism!

  5. Ida

    This had me laughing so hard all the way through! You pegged all of them so perfectly! “Free Muhammad Atta” lol

  6. Your parallel earth is pretty realistic! I can see all that happening!

  7. Liberals will always be too afraid to stand up to Islam.

  8. Liberals have become the most disgusting cowards in the world.

  9. Interesting take, but you were way too nice to liberals.

  10. Very astute observation about the perversity of liberal and conservative behavior.

  11. I am totally wowed to see somebody brave enough to tackle both sides.

  12. Julie B

    John McCain was an asshole like you described him here.

  13. Viki

    You captured the weirdness of both sides perfectly!

  14. Pamela

    Good takedown of both sides!

  15. Marianne

    The American left are all garbage.

  16. Melissa

    You pretty much showed both sides for what they are.

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